Hi,
My SO and I have a Long Distance relationship and haven't met in person yet. We've been dating for around 4 months but have known each other for around 8. Before we began having an exclusive relationship, she was extremely close friends with a member of the opposite sex. This "friend" is a virtual friend; someone who lives in another country and has never met her, yet some certain past events and topics of conversation they share make me uncomfortable. Keep in mind that I have yet to meet my SO in person so our relationship has been entirely via text, phone calls, video chats etc. Of these 3 methods of communication we share, she has shared 2 of them with her "friend" as well (text and phone call).
I know it is of vital importance to acknowledge the fact that she cannot spend the entire day at her PC. I know she needs to have time to build and maintain her IRL relationships and I fully support this. I really do want to do my best to give her space and avoid coming across as a typical jealous boyfriend, however, I think I have a right, in this particular circumstance, to at LEAST feel a bit uncomfortable. This "friend" is someone she has known a little bit longer than myself and someone she had regular, every-day texts with for months before we began dating. After we began dating exclusively, I expressed concerns with my SO about her friend because I feared he may have feelings for her. She dismissed me rather quickly and assured me that their relationship was merely a friendship and I had nothing to worry about. This comforted me, but I still didn't like the frequent 1-on-1 interactions she shared with this "friend". A couple weeks later, my SO tells me that this "friend" confessed his feelings for her and even told her that he thought he loved her. I tried to be supporting of her and talk her through what to do without saying the obvious "I told you so". I was able to talk her through that awkwardness with her "friend" and he later told my SO that he was just going to take some time to himself.
A couple weeks later this guy reaches out to my SO again and says he just wants to be friends and he no longer has feelings for her. Of course my guy instincts are calling BS on that one. Feelings don't just disappear after 2 weeks especially if they were derived from a text based relationship and that still remained how they communicated. I expressed my distaste for her continuing to have a relationship with this friend after he practically confessed his love for her; she basically told me that I was being jealous and over-controlling and that I had no right to feel that way. This was a major hump in our relationship and she practically refused to end this friendship even if it meant degrading our own relationship. It has been about 2 months since then and things have improved slightly, however, I still hold some resentment about how she handled that situation. It came up in conversation this morning that she still talks to this guy every couple days and has been "helping" him deal with "personal problems". I will be quite blunt when I say that I HATE and completely disprove of having intimate conversations like that with someone who 2 months ago confessed his love for my SO.
I think that is completely ridiculous and well within reason for me to feel jealous and uncomfortable. She continues to tell me how all I'm being is jealous for no reason and over-controlling, yet I think I have a right to be in this particular circumstance. It really is difficult for me because I'm trying to find the balance between being understanding and giving her space, but also knowing when to draw the line. No other guy friends that she has had 1-on-1 interactions with bother me EXCEPT for this particular guy, yet she continues to make me feel bad for feeling the way I do every time I mention it to her.
What do you guys think? Should I "let it go" Frozen style? Or should I draw the line?
Thanks a lot!
My SO and I have a Long Distance relationship and haven't met in person yet. We've been dating for around 4 months but have known each other for around 8. Before we began having an exclusive relationship, she was extremely close friends with a member of the opposite sex. This "friend" is a virtual friend; someone who lives in another country and has never met her, yet some certain past events and topics of conversation they share make me uncomfortable. Keep in mind that I have yet to meet my SO in person so our relationship has been entirely via text, phone calls, video chats etc. Of these 3 methods of communication we share, she has shared 2 of them with her "friend" as well (text and phone call).
I know it is of vital importance to acknowledge the fact that she cannot spend the entire day at her PC. I know she needs to have time to build and maintain her IRL relationships and I fully support this. I really do want to do my best to give her space and avoid coming across as a typical jealous boyfriend, however, I think I have a right, in this particular circumstance, to at LEAST feel a bit uncomfortable. This "friend" is someone she has known a little bit longer than myself and someone she had regular, every-day texts with for months before we began dating. After we began dating exclusively, I expressed concerns with my SO about her friend because I feared he may have feelings for her. She dismissed me rather quickly and assured me that their relationship was merely a friendship and I had nothing to worry about. This comforted me, but I still didn't like the frequent 1-on-1 interactions she shared with this "friend". A couple weeks later, my SO tells me that this "friend" confessed his feelings for her and even told her that he thought he loved her. I tried to be supporting of her and talk her through what to do without saying the obvious "I told you so". I was able to talk her through that awkwardness with her "friend" and he later told my SO that he was just going to take some time to himself.
A couple weeks later this guy reaches out to my SO again and says he just wants to be friends and he no longer has feelings for her. Of course my guy instincts are calling BS on that one. Feelings don't just disappear after 2 weeks especially if they were derived from a text based relationship and that still remained how they communicated. I expressed my distaste for her continuing to have a relationship with this friend after he practically confessed his love for her; she basically told me that I was being jealous and over-controlling and that I had no right to feel that way. This was a major hump in our relationship and she practically refused to end this friendship even if it meant degrading our own relationship. It has been about 2 months since then and things have improved slightly, however, I still hold some resentment about how she handled that situation. It came up in conversation this morning that she still talks to this guy every couple days and has been "helping" him deal with "personal problems". I will be quite blunt when I say that I HATE and completely disprove of having intimate conversations like that with someone who 2 months ago confessed his love for my SO.
I think that is completely ridiculous and well within reason for me to feel jealous and uncomfortable. She continues to tell me how all I'm being is jealous for no reason and over-controlling, yet I think I have a right to be in this particular circumstance. It really is difficult for me because I'm trying to find the balance between being understanding and giving her space, but also knowing when to draw the line. No other guy friends that she has had 1-on-1 interactions with bother me EXCEPT for this particular guy, yet she continues to make me feel bad for feeling the way I do every time I mention it to her.
What do you guys think? Should I "let it go" Frozen style? Or should I draw the line?
Thanks a lot!
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