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    #1

    Need some encouragement

    Hi,
    For anyone who didn't see my thread introducing myself in the other forum:
    My best online friend of 5 years came to visit - we met each other in person for the first time ever last Tuesday. By the time he'd been here 2 days we'd fallen madly in love. We know everything about each other, have supported and encouraged each other through every major (and most of the minor) life events over the last 5 years. We share the same interests and passions, finish each others' sentences, and know exactly how to help each other when things get tough.

    My 2 best friends here (one of whom I flat with) don't approve of the whole thing because they have seen me get hurt very, very badly on more than one occasion. They were fine with him before we fell in love (when he was just another friend) but now that we have decided to do the long distance thing they just don't respond whenever I mention him. They've both expressed their concerns and I have told them that I have exactly the same concerns and that my man and I have discussed all the pros and cons of doing this however they still seem extremely disapproving.

    He's only been gone for 12 hrs and already I feel isolated and lonely by the way my 2 besties are approaching this. I know that they are really concerned for me and don't want to see me hurt, but their approach is not helping and instead is making me feel alienated.

    I'm not really looking for advice - I'm thinking that I will just talk to other friends about him - but could do with some encouragement and support.

    Thanks for reading
    Tags: None
    #2
    Personally, You are the only one who can decide what's best for you. It's great that they don't want to see you hurt again, but you can't live alone forever. I wouldn't let other's unknowledgeable opinion's affect how you feel. Going into my relationship years ago, my friends completely disagreed with my relationship, and I ignored them. Couldn't be happier.

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      #3
      Give them some time to get used to the idea. You've known your friend for 5 years before you started a relationship which is really great. If your room mates care about you they will accept your decision, after all it is your life. I'm sure after they've gotten used to the idea they will return to normal. Everyone has their ups and downs in life but when things are looking down the only way to go is up. It's great you've both fallen in love, and I wish you both the best of luck!

      Comment

        #4
        I know how you feel. When I started my relationship with Adam my best friend was disaprooving and didn't belive that someone would wait for me for two years with meetings every few months. Right now she is supportive and the two of them are friends too.

        What I'm trying to say is that you are the one in this situation and you make decisions though sometimes people around us notice more than we do. If I were inyour exact situation I'd probably ask what are their concerns exatly and if they will be still there for me if I do get hurt.

        All in all, as you probably figured out, pursuing LDR is not something out of science-fiction anymore. While sometimes it gets difficult, sometimes it just doesn't work out it's SO.WORTH.TRYING. and friendship is a wonderfull base to build on.

        You will not know how it turns out unless you try.
        “We're all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.”
        ― Robert Fulghum, True Love

        Met UK 3.08.2012-5.08.12 ->UK 1.12.12-3.12.12->PL 8.02.13-16.02.13->PL 1.06.13-9.06.13->UK 3.08.13-17.08.13->UK 26.10.2013-02.11.2013->PL 30.11.2013-08.12.2013->PL 22.03.2014-29.03.2014->UK 31.05.2014-07.06.2014->PL 06.09.2014-13.09.13->UK 20.12.2014-03.01.2015
        Closed the distance >21.03.2015
        sigpic

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          #5
          Who cares what they think?

          That probably came across as blunt, but... I know they're looking out for you, but if you've known this guy for 5 years and now you just met, what's not to be happy for? Hopefully after awhile they will become more supportive by just how happy this has made you, and your happiness will become their acceptance given time. Good luck, and hope it works out for all parties!

          Comment

            #6
            Thanks everyone
            They do mean the best but don't realise that dealing with it in this way hurts far more than it helps.

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              #7
              try to understand them, but not to the point that you have to think about it all the time. their youre besties, its their normal reaction. just give them more time and do youre normal routine back to the years you've known each other.

              Comment

                #8
                I'm happy for you that you fell in love and that you two decided to go through with it!
                As others have said, you are the only one who Needs to be sure that you want to make this work.

                As with friends: well. You have known each other for 5 years, that is a Long time. it's not like you met 5 minutes ago. In relationships, People get hurt sometimes, but that doesn't matter if it's LD or CD. That's how relationships go.
                If they are true friends, they will accept it eventually.
                I am of the opinion that, if your best friend is in love with a guy and decides to start a relationship, I, as the best friend, do not have to approve of it, but I have to accept that my friend made this decision.
                My Job then is to tell her that I don't approve of the relationship but accept the decision and then I will support her through the relationship without comments like "I told you so" no matter what happens. I listen, I give advise, I do whatever I can to support her decision.
                Of course, if my best friends SO turns out to be a criminal or a cheater, that would be something else.

                I hope your friends can come to a conclusion like this, or, what would be better, start to fully approve of your relationship.
                happiness can be found in the darkest of places, if only you remember to turn on the light

                Comment

                  #9
                  Hey Blackbyrd,
                  welcome to the forum!
                  Have you been hurt by your (now) boyfriend before?? Or was it some other guy? Because if it was someone else- do your best friends expect you to never get into a relationship again and spend the rest of your life by yourself? Well, that sounds resonable…not! :P To be happy in a relationship, you have to give it a try. You can't keep to yourself for the rest of your life. Just be cautious and try to protect yourself as much as possible. But not by staying single..
                  all the best!

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Friends can be a bit too protective at times. But, in a way they should... up to a certain point. while you are in love, they are not and see the situation from another point of view. It is nice to have supportive friends, but they can show love by showing caucion as well.

                    One of my husband's best friends didn't have the best impressions of me in the beginning because of the way our relatonship started. Over the years we have grown to like each other. I have been with my husband almost 11 years now and she was the most enthusiastic atendee of my birthday party! I guess she can tell that I love him and bring him good things. I can completely see why I didn't seem like that best fit, but time is the best proof - always.
                    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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                      #11
                      Thanks No, my man has never hurt me. He has been my best friend online for 5 years and has always supported and encouraged me (and I've done the same for him). It's others who have hurt me, but he has always supported me through all of it and is amazing. <3

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Thank you heaps everyone for your support and encouragement

                        **UPDATE**
                        Had a good conversation this evening with my flatmate and I feel like it was constructive. She talked about her concerns and I talked about my side of things as well. My besties really do have my best interests at heart. <3

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