Not sure whether to end it or not, need advice

[sarahtaylor123]

My partner and I have never met before, we met online and have been together for about a year. Lately his interest in our relationship seems to be declining as he acts like he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I feel him becoming more and more distant and it is really starting to hurt. About 4 days ago I sent him a long message about how I feel and how I feel like I can't cope in this relationship anymore and I feel like I'm the only one putting in an effort. He completely agreed with me and told me he felt bad about it and he still loves me and he will try and put more effort in, he even promised. Now it gets tricky. I was happy with his promise to try harder but the thing is, he hasn't. Since his last message about how he'd promise to try harder, he hasn't even tried to talk to me. We haven't spoken since the conversation happened and I feel like I'm at a loss here. He's been online and he's been playing his games but he has made no effort to reach out to me. We usually talk almost everyday so it's kinda thrown me through a whirlwind that he would promise to try harder but his reluctance to even engage in a simple conversation with me over text has baffled me. He's just proven that he is incapable of trying to make this work. I don't know whether to just let him take a few days and think about what I said and see what happens or bring it up with him that I can't do this anymore. It's doing my head in. But that's not the worst of it... I have plans to go to his country in a month to meet him for the first time and spend a few weeks with him, so this is where breaking up makes things extremely complicated. If I do break up with him, do I go see him anyway? Do I cancel the trip?
I'm sorry if this wall of text is quite rambled and confusing. I'm kind of a mess right now.

[whatruckus]

Could he be pulling away because he is nervous about the trip? I'm not sure what to tell you, you can only do what you feel is right. On the one hand, things could be different after you two meet and his love could multiply, or it might go the opposite if he's really not feeling the relationship anymore.

If you do decide to break up with him before you visit, I'd cancel the trip if you have no where else to stay. You could still go, however, if you don't mind sightseeing by yourself. Plus, it's like a mini-vacation.

[sarahtaylor123]

Yeah I kind of don't want to end things so close to meeting because what if things are amazing in real life. I'm worried that if I end things so close to meeting I might be full of regret for a long time... but there's only so much a girl can take before she reaches breaking point y'know? It's a difficult situation

[Quinlan]

To feel insecure about him when he's kind a pulling out of the relationsship is quite normal. But, ask yourself this question: Would it be okay not to see him for a couple of days, when he is living just around the corner? 'Cause I, for me, do not bother not speaking to my girlfriend (now nor in the past) for a couple of days. Have my friends, my work, my parents to keep me busy from thinking to much and thats why I dont mind starting a relation on a distance. (Although 410 miles is hardly a distance, a long evenings ride (5 hours)).
But, if he allready OK's your descission(?) to end it, I reckon, your relationship is over allready...

[merlinkitty]

Like Idk what's going on in his life. My SO was going through a tough emotional period a while back and I ended up having the same issue about effort making, conversation, and just feeling like he couldn't be bothered with me. We had the same kind of conversation y'all did. He promised to put in more effort but it didn't change overnight. What was bothering him took time to work through.

I guess you'll have to make that determination for your situation, but is he going through something (even nervousness about the visit??) that might make him like this?? Have you asked him what's going on, the reason he's being like this? If there's an issue he might not be able to flip a light switch and be his usual self overnight. Talk to him a bit more perhaps and see if this is something to work through or walk away from.