A New LDR

[xjustxinxtimex]

I just want to start off by saying that I am so glad I found this place. I have only peeked into a few threads but everyone seems so supportive here! I think I will value the use of this site greatly. Also I hope this is the right forum for this topic.

Well anyways, so I have been in this LDR for just a little over a month now. It has actually been really good up to now. I think I will take to calling it the "falling madly in love" era of this LDR where it has just been so wonderful getting to know my SO better and talking to each other and all the good stuff like that. I am absolutely crazy for my SO I never thought I could find a person like her in my life and it is so good! Unfortunately while falling in love and getting to know her had been going on I had completely forgot to grasp the severity of the situation I was putting myself into. And so, as I said before, here I am a month later and it has finally occurred to me that we are nearly 9000 miles apart from each other.

Do not get me wrong, I care for my SO very much and none of my feelings have changed but, it is so much distance. I can only liken what I feel to maybe punching on a punching bag for 15 minutes to turn around and find out your first opponent is Mike Tyson or something. I guess now I am starting to think about what all it will take and what some of the challenges are going to be and even though I do not what to admit this, I am very scared. I have no idea how to make something like this work I don't even know where to start. I mean obviously I guess the first step is that first meeting and we have already talked about it a few times but it would take so much for me to go there to see her. I have try to do some estimates in my head from prices of things I've seen online and it seems like it would take me forever to be able to go. I am scared also I will take too long or what I don't know.

What I do know is that anyone who enters and LDR and especially that closes the distance are straight up warriors. They now hold my utmost respect and deserve, greatly, the happiness they find. I feel like I am taking on the hardest thing in the world right now and I've only just stuck my toes in the water.

This is getting quite long now. I really don't know what I am expecting to hear back from all this. I know this will all get much harder. But I guess maybe the harder something is, the better the reward and the more its worth doing? I have already seen a handful of success stories and I know I want that but I don't know I am just kind of scared right now and the over abundance of all other feelings I have now are not helping this anxiety much. If you read all this thank you.

[Honour]

First off, welcome to LFAD and know that you aren't alone. We're here. All of us. We've either been in this situation before and have overcome the distance, or are in the process of finding our way across the pond or land! You're still relatively new to your relationship, and the worries and anxiety that you're experiencing are perfectly justified and normal. But you should know that nothing worth in life worth having comes easily, and I suppose you could say much the same about LDRs. My SO and I are almost 4000 miles apart, but sometimes it feels like he's sat in the same room as me and as if there's no difference between the two of us. As if we're both sat in the same room together or curled up in bed together. There are some of us on these forums over 10,000 miles apart, and some of us have been in LDRs for a very long time, the longest I've seen being 10 years.

I know it hurts. Gods, it's the hardest thing in the world sometimes. But like I say to myself, so long as we're beneath the same sky, our love will last and continue onward till the end of a chapter, when we get together and settle down with one another. And then another chapter will begin, when we stay by each other's side with no need to worry about the distance.

Feel free to talk to me, or any of the others on this site. I'm all ears.

[merlinkitty]

I second Honour. I think it's completely normal what you're experiencing. I would be more surprised if you're not. You realize there are some real world implications for what you're embarking on. Good for you!! I went through a similar period when it was first starting where I was like "what am I doing??" I know he did the same, which is kind of what took us a while to start being more serious about the potential of a relationship. You're still very early on in things. Take them easy Enjoy it, get to know each other better. One step at a time

[xjustxinxtimex]

First off, welcome to LFAD and know that you aren't alone. We're here. All of us. We've either been in this situation before and have overcome the distance, or are in the process of finding our way across the pond or land! You're still relatively new to your relationship, and the worries and anxiety that you're experiencing are perfectly justified and normal. But you should know that nothing worth in life worth having comes easily, and I suppose you could say much the same about LDRs. My SO and I are almost 4000 miles apart, but sometimes it feels like he's sat in the same room as me and as if there's no difference between the two of us. As if we're both sat in the same room together or curled up in bed together. There are some of us on these forums over 10,000 miles apart, and some of us have been in LDRs for a very long time, the longest I've seen being 10 years.

I know it hurts. Gods, it's the hardest thing in the world sometimes. But like I say to myself, so long as we're beneath the same sky, our love will last and continue onward till the end of a chapter, when we get together and settle down with one another. And then another chapter will begin, when we stay by each other's side with no need to worry about the distance.

Feel free to talk to me, or any of the others on this site. I'm all ears.

Thank you so much for your words and your help. I guess maybe that is all I wanted to hear that it was normal and that I was not losing my mind already. It is very hard but like you said I know it will be worth it. I like your quote too! It is very motivational. Thank you.

I second Honour. I think it's completely normal what you're experiencing. I would be more surprised if you're not. You realize there are some real world implications for what you're embarking on. Good for you!! I went through a similar period when it was first starting where I was like "what am I doing??" I know he did the same, which is kind of what took us a while to start being more serious about the potential of a relationship. You're still very early on in things. Take them easy Enjoy it, get to know each other better. One step at a time

Yes, thank you too! Again, it is nice to know that I am not feeling out of place. It is funny because that is what my SO keeps saying, to go slowly. She (and obviously you too) are much stronger and much wiser than me. I am not normally so weak. I just guess this is the first time Ive cared this much for someone.

Well anyways, thank you both for your support! It means a lot to me. I hope that, once I get some more experience with this under my belt, I can help people out too because it is so nice to know someone that understands! I wish for all of us and everyone in an LDR much luck.

[merlinkitty]

Yes, thank you too! Again, it is nice to know that I am not feeling out of place. It is funny because that is what my SO keeps saying, to go slowly. She (and obviously you too) are much stronger and much wiser than me. I am not normally so weak. I just guess this is the first time Ive cared this much for someone.

No, I'm not I just finally listened to my SO telling me the same thing it feels like a turtle pace to me, but I've learned to enjoy and appreciate it

[xjustxinxtimex]

No, I'm not I just finally listened to my SO telling me the same thing it feels like a turtle pace to me, but I've learned to enjoy and appreciate it

Hahaha, yes, I know what you mean too. But at least you adapted to it! I hope I can do as much too! I suppose I need to try to think less about it and more about what you said just enjoying it! It is good and I will appreciate it much more now. Thank you!

[Honour]

Hahaha, yes, I know what you mean too. But at least you adapted to it! I hope I can do as much too! I suppose I need to try to think less about it and more about what you said just enjoying it! It is good and I will appreciate it much more now. Thank you!

It just takes time to adapt. I've had a number of LDRs fail, but I'm still not 100% adapted to it. I never will be. I just do the best I can.

[xjustxinxtimex]

It just takes time to adapt. I've had a number of LDRs fail, but I'm still not 100% adapted to it. I never will be. I just do the best I can.

Yes, I see that too. It would be nearly impossible I suppose to adapt to not having someone you care about there with you. I will do as you say and just do the best that I can! It is good advice! Thank you.

[Scouse05]

Hiya,

I'm still fairly new to my LDR (1st one ever). My SO and I are over 10000 miles apart added to the time zone difference and it gets quite difficult to get time to speak properly. Thankfully we have whatsapp, facebook, email etc so when we can't speak we can always message each other. Not ideal by any stretch of the imagination but it works. We have our first meeting in 33 days time and I can honestly say I don't think I've looked forward to anything more thsn I am looking froward to having her in my arms.

The huge advantage of LDRs as far as I can tell is the level of emotional connection that comes from having to communicate with each other without the physical aspect of a relationship taking over. I feel like I've known my SO forever even though we haven't met yet. We have shared hopes, dreams, worries, bad days, and so on.

I'm not sure how long I could be in an LDR without at least having an idea of where this was going. For us there is an end date (well an end year) so we are working towards the day we close the gap and I move to be with her. (always having an awareness that it may not work out - hope for the best, plan for the worst). Without this end date I don't think I would have started it in the 1st place as ultimately I want to be with my SO. (3 yrs to go)

Make use of these forums - everyone is lovely and there's some great ideas on here. Best of luck for the future x

[xjustxinxtimex]

Hiya,

I'm still fairly new to my LDR (1st one ever). My SO and I are over 10000 miles apart added to the time zone difference and it gets quite difficult to get time to speak properly. Thankfully we have whatsapp, facebook, email etc so when we can't speak we can always message each other. Not ideal by any stretch of the imagination but it works. We have our first meeting in 33 days time and I can honestly say I don't think I've looked forward to anything more thsn I am looking froward to having her in my arms.

The huge advantage of LDRs as far as I can tell is the level of emotional connection that comes from having to communicate with each other without the physical aspect of a relationship taking over. I feel like I've known my SO forever even though we haven't met yet. We have shared hopes, dreams, worries, bad days, and so on.

I'm not sure how long I could be in an LDR without at least having an idea of where this was going. For us there is an end date (well an end year) so we are working towards the day we close the gap and I move to be with her. (always having an awareness that it may not work out - hope for the best, plan for the worst). Without this end date I don't think I would have started it in the 1st place as ultimately I want to be with my SO. (3 yrs to go)

Make use of these forums - everyone is lovely and there's some great ideas on here. Best of luck for the future x

Wow, yes I understand. Whatsapp, line and skype have been our best tools too! I am so happy to hear that you 2 will have your first meeting soon! Congrats! I hope everything will go well for you! I am currently in the process of trying to find a better job so that I may start saving to go to visit my SO.

Your second paragraph sounds very familiar! So I very much relate to that aspect. Indeed, it seems like through LDR you lay a good base foundation because of the levels of trust, support and communication you must have.

I can understand how having the end date helps. That is good to have a goal to keep yourself motivated and on track. I hope that it will work out for you. Even being new to it, I feel like I already know that LDR's are hard and feel like anyone who puts the time in should be rewarded. So good luck! In my SO and myself's situation we have both voiced that we both would be willing to move however, for understandable reasons I feel like she might regret moving to me and on the other hand it would be much harder for me to reestablish myself in her country than it would be for her to come to mine. There is much for us to think about in that regard and I want to make sure she has had plenty of time to think about it first. But anyways, I do agree that and an end date is helpful and that is good advice I will definitely keep it in mind and I thank you for it.

I am liking having the use of these forums already. At least if nothing else I can come here and just get stuff out of my system. I have already had some fantastic help and advice from the people here and I am very glad I found this place. Thanks again for you help and time and I hope you will meet your goals in your relationship. Good luck to you also!