How to keep hope ?

[Marleen]

That is funny, my SO lives in Tampa too, but the difference is that I am a doctor in Holland.. I have't started my residency yet (here you can practice as a doctor without doing your reseidency right away), and I have considered to do my residency in the US. But that is so hard, even for US students, so for me it would be nearly impossible. And very expensive with multiple exams I have to do... and then work for years (hours and hours a week) without money? I really don't want to do that.
So the other option is to find another job, and I get your SO's doubts about giving up. Even thoug I know that I can be happy doing something else, giving up what you studied for is hard. I studied 6.5 years, and I like what I am doing now. It's a hard dicision! You are very lucky that he considers to move for you and try something new, but he should be really sure about it, you don't want him to regret it later. Don't push it too much for now, he probably doesn't even know what he wants at this moment, other than be with you. It can be a big sacrifice.
The other option sounds really good though, it's good you guys have other options! Maybe I didn't read it well enough, but there is no option for him to do residency in France?

[Berenice]

Hi Marleene !
Thank you so much for your answer, you are right about everything

I actually wrote a long email to him, which I will send him after his exam on Tuesday. I explained why I think he should come here and not continue residency. I also said that I completely understand how the choice can be hard and that as much unhappy and sad I will be if he chooses to do residency in America (or Caribbean if he fails the exam), he has to make the best choice for himself.
The thing is, as you said, medicine is hard, and it is hard since the first day you start it until you are done with residency (and even after). I feel it is something that you need to be passionate about, otherwise you just can't hold, mentally and/or physically. Even people who are passionate about it don't always succeed. And I have never, ever heard my boyfriend said he liked it. Everytime we talk about it, he gets in a bad mood, sad, depressed, tired and he says he feels like he lost so much time since he started it. He says people (including his parents) have been giving him bad advices studywise, which have led him to do medicine. He says no one has been paying attention to what he really wanted, and it has led him to where he is today. Of course there's also "guilt" on his side, or better said, there's no victim against everyone in this story.
But the situation today is that I feel clinical medicine is just not his thing. On the other hand, he said multiple times since I know him that public health is something he's been interested in since a long time.

All in all, and above all, I think (like you pointed out right) that he needs to take time for himself, a few days to really think and make a choice of how he wants to continue things, study and job wise. I think I will send him the mail when he's done and let him time to process things.

What makes me worried is also the fact that I know I am gonna be completely mad and upset and sad and depressed if he chooses not to come here. I have gotten my hopes so up that it almost feels like it's already settled, although I know had dangerous it is. I just don't know how to come back to earth, and I don't know how I'm gonna handle it if my hopes are not realised. If I hope too much, I will out pressure on him to choose what makes me happy, which I don't want. I want him to be happy before anything.

Anyways, it is funny that we both have a boyfriend in Tampa ! I hope you guys are doing okay !

Thanks

[Berenice]

Of course I forgot to answer your question ^^
He cannot do residency in France, because an american masters of medicine is not accepted in France. So if he wants to do residency in France, he has to start medicine all over again, starting bachelor's degree. If he does residency in America, he also cannot be a doctor in France.
I think it would have been possible to do residency in France if he had stick to medicine and finish it straight, because his medecine school could have send him to France as an exchange student.
Do I make sense ? Idk how to explain that clearly...

The only choice he has regarding residency are 1. Passing the test and dojng residency in USA or 2. Failing the test and doing residency in the Carrribean (he had a doctor of medicine degree in the Carribean) where he doesn't need to pass this exam
Omg this story is so complicated, i don't even get the full picture 😱 studying medicine in France (Europe) is waaaaaaaay easier than in USA !

[Marleen]

We are doing great, thank you! (have ups and downs too off course )

You are right about letting him make the decision, after all it is about his career. I get your point about being really passionate about it, I think you are right. Residency will be even harder than medical school too. That is also why I don't want to do residency over there. Just too much (let's say I would live there, but I don't see my boyfriend at all haha). So, if he is not pasionate about it, and I get that feeling from you, it might be a good choice to start over and do something he likes.

Just remember, as the others pointed out, it will probable take a while, and a lot of patience and money to get him to France.

I totally understand your fear of him staying in the US and doing residency, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't want to be with you. If he really wants to do his residency (but I get the feeling he won't), that will be his choice. You can still consider moving there after your graduation. After all, Tampa is really nice!
Don't worry too much for now, everything will be ok. Let him know that you are scared, but he probably already knows, and might be scared himself. There is a lot going on!
But if your you guys love each other, you will work it out. That is what I have to keep telling myself to keep me from going crazy sometimes But, I really believe that.