When things get hard

[Alyhere]

I hope this is the right section for this, and I hope this is okay for me to post.

We have been together for a year and 4 months ish, and we usually see each other every month and a half (sometimes it stretches to 2, but I know its a lot less than a lot of you) and I've recently been finding it very very difficult.
I left him a week ago and I am already feeling down about it. I know that every time I leave or he leaves we both get a feeling of emptiness, but recently it's as if I spend the time waiting to see him again, and you know when you're watching the time it goes so much slower and its just painful? thats what I feel.
Aside from that, I keep comparing our relationship to a long distance one and I know I shouldn't because it upsets me so much but every now and again I just think things like 'if we lived close I could come over just for a little while right now' and its mega depressing and I end up just thinking myself to tears.
Not to mention that now every time we Skype I get all sad because I want to see him and it makes him not want to talk to me as much, because who'd like to voluntarily get depressed for a couple hours a day...

I am just finding it very very hard, and it keeps coming between us it seems. I really don't know what to do.

Sigh.

What do you guys do when things get hard?

[hmrambling]

I get out there and start living life. I meet with friends and family. Go out to lunch or dinner with friends. Focus on hobbies. Plan the next visit. Write a letter. Journal. Say affirmations. I keep busy

[rachel0106]

Agree with above, it helps a lot to be productive and go out and have fun with friends, work on projects at home, or even just going out for a walk or run for some exercise! It's great for self-indulgence time - catch up on a movie you've been meaning to watch for ages, bake something delicious, take long bubble baths - do fun things to make yourself happy.

I'm seeing my guyfriend at the end of October which seems like ages away, and doing a daily countdown still makes it seem like forever, but we're already making plans for things we want to do together, and we've been keeping ourselves busy in the meantime. I never realised before how slow time can go, but once we see each other again it'll be 100% worth it!

[differentcountries]

I see my boyfriend every 1-2 months and I too sometimes find it very difficult. What bothers me the most is not knowing when we can close the distance. I get tired taking a plane to see him. I find the combination of long distance and our obligations is hard - it is hard to not feel less of a priority when, if there is Skyping to be had, he is just tired and unfucused. I am not saying CD life is a ball on a bed of roses, but at least if he was close we could cuddle up together, share meals and so on.

When things get hard, I remind myself why I fell for him. I look at old pictures and remember things we did. Things he told me that are beautful enough to make a stone cry. I remind myself how we lasted this long and we can make it a little further. I can picture my life with him for a very long time.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

My advice to you would be to try to live in today. If you're constantly looking for the future for visits, you will never be happy. As much as you may want to close the distance, right now all you have to connect on a daily basis are these skype conversations. Don't let the fact that you miss your SO take over every conversation you have. By doing that, you are losing the one opportunity that you have every day to stay connected to your loved one. Try your hardest to forget about the fact that you miss him while you're skyping and pretend that he is there with you. Have fun! When you're constantly upset, it not only takes a toll on each of you as individuals, but also as a couple.

[TaraMarie]

My SO technically lives here, but works out of state so he is gone from Monday morning to Friday night. Even though he is only gone four nights, they seem to be the longest four nights of my life. We have been doing this for 3 1/2 years. And it sucks. I still countdown the minutes until he comes back. I feel like I am wishing my life away. I try to stay busy, and with two kids and a full time job, that should be easy.....but it's not. Hang in there!

[differentcountries]

What I find useful, is to have something to look forward too. Like, during the next five months, we will celebrate our aniversary, I will get to meet his family for the second time, and he will come to stay for a shorter or longer time. We have long term ideas, like we want to buy a place in his country (could use my flat as safety to get the loan to buy) and possably have a baby. Whenever I think we actually have a future, having to live away from him seem less bleak. I know it helps him too when I am not stressing, he said early on that he is happy that I am not the kind of girl that has to be taken care of, and I want to be strong for us. I know he is proud of me and happy to have me in his life. And thinking about these good things help me when I get dark thoughts like my life is just an endless stream of visits and instead I can feel that I am lucky to have met him, lucky to have the uppertunity to see him and lucky we both care enough to see the future as some place we belong together.

[Alyhere]

Only got around to seeing all your beautiful replies now (I was trying to keep myself busy like a bunch of you suggested).
I really appreciate everything you all said and there's nothing but truth to it... thinking of the reason I am in this relationship makes it all seems worth it after all, and since for now it has to be in visits.. I'll wait it out and try not to let it break us.

I'm really glad I posted here too, you all are wonderful, thanks again!

[François]

Hello,

With my girlfriend we haven't met face to face yet, but spend much time having video and audio call. She works for an oil company and is often on offshore oil platform with network to call or text me for 1 or 2 months. When I can't talk with her, I keep myself busy with work and friends, but what help me the most is to prepare her come back. I prepare a package with some stuff to send her when she comes back home, I write a song for her on my guitar (I don't play well, but she loves that)...
Another thing I do is send her an email everyday in what I write what I did this day, she's not able to read it before she comes back but it's like I was talking to her for me.

Keep hope, be strong and you will go thru

[emk4t]

I just booked my flights to go and see my SO, and realising how close it is has got me really excited. But because of my excitment, I've also started to miss her a lot. Wondering what it'll be like to kiss her, and wake up next to her, makes each day drag so much. I'm really trying to not think about it and go out and do things to take it off my mind! The first 50 days went by so quick, hopefully the next 33 can too!