Talk to him or wait until he does?

[mariandreina_]

My boyfriend Brandon hasn't spoke to me in more than a week. I know it's hard to give advices without knowing the person, so I'll try to make it easier to understand. Brandon and I have been dating for 6 months, I had to leave the States and fly back to Venezuela because of immigration issues with my student VISA. I didn't want to leave and Brandon didn't want me to leave either but it was something I had to do. Hopefully I'll be back by the end of January when school starts. It's been almost 2 months since I left and we had been in contact ever since. We didn't talk everyday but every 2, 3 days we texted, talked over the phone and 1 time we skyped. Last Saturday I was home and he sent me a few pictures of his trip to Colorado. His best friend Will lives there and he wanted to go visit him and see the mountains. Before I left he mentioned a couple times that he was thinking about moving there with Will. Brandon lives in Lake St. Louis/MO with his friend Charlie and his dad. Charlie and his father are supposed to move by the end of the year or in Spring. When I met Brandon he was pretty confused about what he wanted to do with his life, he said that he was too old to be this unsuccessful. I want him to be happy and follow his dreams just like I've been doing it. Anyway, he sent me a few pictures and then told me "I am going to live here", I asked "With Will?" and he said yes. Maybe I overreacted but it just made me feel so sad and upset the fact the he wasn't including me in his plans. I don't know what he's thinking or if his decision is true. He often changes his mind over things. I said, "I guess I won't see you again anymore, but if that's what you need to be happy go for it". Then he said "I have time back home before I move". Which made me think, time for what?

Lastly I said "I get it, I have to let go, I should have done it before. It's clear I have nothing to do with you and your plans so stop pretending you love and care about me. I won't get my heart broken again." I wasn't trying to sound like I was the victim. Maybe he thinks I don't want him to talk to me. I just don't understand why after telling me how much he misses me and loves me, that he wants to help me, that he is scared that I'm in this country with so much danger and anachy going on, that he wanted to buy me a flight ticket, etc. And then telling me he is moving.. ? He didn't respond to that last thing I said. It's been more than a week. And I wonder, should I say something or just leave it?

I can't stop thinking about him. I want him and need him so badly.

[pizza_heart]

I think you were too abrasive in your last statement, which is understandable...you basically broke up with him... but if i were him, i wouldn't just approach you... you said it yourself, told him "i have to let go", which i can interpret as in he/that relationship was no good for you. Also, he apparently wants to move away, maybe for a fresh start.

[Mims27]

I have to agree with Pizza... Seems to me you broke up with him.
Also, I think you overreacted. He was sharing with you where he wants to live, not sure why you feel like he wasn't including you in his plans. If he wants to move there, it's really up to him. Honestly, I think you should just let him be, unless your message is an apology or an explanation...
Good luck.

[differentcountries]

OF COURSE YOU SHOULD TALK TO HIM. I don't understand why you are breaking up with him, or hinting that you will. First you want him to follow his dreams, but when he talks about his dreams you conclude that he doesn't want you! And then you get hurt and back off. That is some serious bullshit. If you care about him and the relationship at all, call him up and apologize.

[yuunai]

I agree with the others that you should contact him and apologise if you really love him that much and need him in your life. On the other hand I think it should be the both of you fighting for this relationship and not just you. Maybe he's waiting for you to contact him already, explain what happened there, or maybe he's already trying to forget/move on thats why he hasn't tried to contact you (let's hope it's not the latter one).
Also if I had been you, i would have asked him if I was included in that plan or not. Just that straightforward. Because it is an important topic in case of a LDR.
Anyway, I wish you good luck and please tell us how it went if you talk to him!

[pizza_heart]

Sometimes we just assume the worse, but that's not the case. It has happened to me in previous relationships... i was too impulsive and paranoid. Guys tend to be more chill about these situations. Try talking to him if you want to AT LEAST remain friends.

[missy]

i think you over reacted and it really does sound like you broke up with him. nothing's wrong with him wanting to move. you said you've been away for 2 months and barely communicate with him, take the time to find out what has been going on in his life. apologize and explain why you reacted the way you did. if you love him so much talk to him, LDR's are nothing without good communication. just keep in mind that it takes 2 to make it work.

[differentcountries]

Instead of being agressive and trying to "catch" him in not caring, try to understand why he plans as he does. It sounds like he loves the area and would like to live with a very close friend. Perhaps he has not thought through the time phrame. Instead of biting his head off, tell him;

"When you talked about your plans to move to live with Will, I assumed it would happen right away. If you were to move before I come in January, I would be very sad and feel abandoned, beause I have been looking forward to spend time with you CD again in the old place. If you move to Will, we might become long distance again. You did not specifically ask if I wanted to come and stay in the area, so I am not comfortable inviting myself along - I don't even know Will. I don't know if I could get studies in that other place or not. Remember, I come over on a student visa. I wish you could tell me that you will move with Will only after I leave for the second time, or invite me along, or discuss your dreams and plans with me in detail. There is a lot of loose threads, and I feel unsafe."

Own up to your feelings. It may feel like the scariest thing, but if you really want him, you have to "expose" that you got hurt and that triggered the reaction/break up-ish words on your part. Your words said; let's go our seperate ways, but your feelings said; let's be even closer! Tell him. Otherwise, if you are not honest with him, any contact he makes with you, he would feel as if he is begging someone who broke up with him to take him back, which he is not motivated to do, as I am sure he is very hurt and confused by what you just did.