coming to terms with how to close the distance

[SailorRei]

And it is slightly offensive to him to assume that he will not get a job (even if realistically that is likely, I am sure that is not something he likes having rubbed in his face. He will have to realize soon enough). It is great that he wants to close the distance through work, if at all possible it is easier and also cheaper than the other options where you or your family have to support him until he gets granted permission to work.

I don't think being a realist is offensive. He should really look at what are his chances- I know that mine are pretty low, and as much I want to work in US, it won't happen through working visa. And I'm not offended by somebody saying it, it's just how it is.

And I can see that this can be seen like a "waste of time".... He will put lots of work and time, and if it won't work out, then they simply "wasted" 2 years, when they could actually be together on other terms...

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I don't think being a realist is offensive. He should really look at what are his chances- I know that mine are pretty low, and as much I want to work in US, it won't happen through working visa. And I'm not offended by somebody saying it, it's just how it is.

And I can see that this can be seen like a "waste of time".... He will put lots of work and time, and if it won't work out, then they simply "wasted" 2 years, when they could actually be together on other terms...

Thank you for this. I really appreciate that you understand where I'm coming from!

This post turned into something that I wasn't intending. All I was asking for support as he isn't being realistic to the chances. Don't think that I don't support my boyfriend or encourage him to keep trying. Him not getting a job here is no reflection on him, it's a reflection on our society and that fact that many employers just aren't interested in spending time and money to get a foreigner when even then it's no guarantee that they'll get a visa. I am in no way rubbing that in his face. And the "male ego" is not so fragile that he can't handle me being realistic about our chances or be able to be taken care of for the brief time he wouldn't be able to work. Also, the visa relies on what I make, not what he makes. You're forgetting about the fact that he makes quite a bit and is able to save up before he would come.

Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with a plan. If you don't want to plan your life, that's fine, but I need something to hang on to during these hard times away from each other. I need to know that he's not going to let us be long distance for 10 more years simply because he's too stubborn to modify his plan.