How much communication is too much

[Stellasman]

I was informed that I text my SO too much, my SO is 3500 kms away I miss her terribly. So how much communication is too much?

[yuunai]

I was informed that I text my SO too much, my SO is 3500 kms away I miss her terribly. So how much communication is too much?

was it your SO who told you this? Cuz if not, and as long as that much amount of texting is satisfying both of you then I think it's fine. I never pictured myself as a girl who's always on the phone texting her bf (like all the ppl i see on the streets sometimes) but ever since I've been in a LDR and my bf is texting me when he's not busy, I reply to him as soon as I can Don't let other people's opinion get to you So what if you are texting too much? As long as she doesn't mind it all's good But that's just my opinion...

[Stellasman]

It was my SO who said it. She finds it stressful to have to reply to text messages all the time. She wants to cut our contact down to 3 times a day. Also she does not want me to send her my romantic thoughts.

[Ella85]

My opinion and that's all I can offer. I wouldn't like it if my SO said that. I'd be really upset. He always sends me a text when he can. Even when he is at work just to tell me he loves me. We also talk on the phone (or not talk sometimes, because just being on the phone to him is nice). At least once a day sometimes more than once. I would be upset if he said he wanted to cut contact down. I wouldn't be upset if he was busy and didn't reply to my messages, I also wouldn't be upset if he was busy and we couldn't talk on the phone that day. I would be upset if he said our contact was too much. Because communication until I move there is our relationship. If we don't communicate, what do we have?

[Stellasman]

I know I feel gutted but that's what she wants. She uses the "I am fragile" excuse but we have all been used in the past. I don't know what to do.

[farandaway]

It depends why she is saying that. Is it temporary? Is she really busy and stressed over something? Is it normal how she acts in those circumstances? I know my SO has lost a lot of his romantic side while his year has been incredibly stressed. Right now he is spending a full week packing up his possessions to finalize his move back home. With our time difference he is working physically hard carrying stuff and doesn't stop until sun goes down. I don't call him because he has something very time intense to do. I send him notes and he answers with short notes. He is often very grumpy when he is just chronically time depleted always taking care of mom or house issues etc and has almost no time left for us and his business. But I know it's the situation that causes it and I don't take it personally (or try not to). I try to stay positive and wait for better times to come. It's hard but it's life.

So I guess the main thing again is communication so that you both know why she is saying that and what can you do to both feel comfortable with the situation.

[Stellasman]

All i can do is what she says if I don't it is curtains for me. She lives on her own and just has daily things to do. I am lost to understand this. I feel like crap.

[differentcountries]

All i can do is what she says if I don't it is curtains for me. She lives on her own and just has daily things to do. I am lost to understand this. I feel like crap.

We often text just two times a day; lunchtime and evening. Mornings are just too stressful to do a lot of texting, most mornings I don't even get to eat breakfast before I take the bus to work. At work, the only place I can text is the toliet, and I can't go there lots of extra times because I am needed there. So, lunch is the only time I can be seen with my phone during work hours because well, I am supposed to be seen working! After work, I often have work out, or Turkish language class, or I shop groceries or do other errends, sometimes I see my friends. then there is going home to make dinner, do housework and prepare for the next day. Evening is the other time at day I regularily sit down.

I understand wanting attention, especially if you yourself are not that busy. We are all guilty of this. For me, I get textcravy at Christmas times because I miss him and I don't have work to distract me. For SO, he used to be slow to reply to texts because he did not always have a proper lunch break, but now that he switched jobs with less hours he texts me all the time saying he is bored.... I think the best solution to this is to try to be understanding towards both parts - they are sort of living in different worlds with different rules, but has to meet somewhere in the middle.

[R&R]

She's giving you excuses, doesn't want romantic text messages and wants to limit contact to 3 texts a day. We can only go by what you are telling us. That being said, those three things alone are telling me,IMO, that she's either giving second thoughts to the entire relationship or she is about ready to end it and doesn't know how to tell you.

I would say it's time for you to start focusing on yourself and put your thoughts and energy elsewhere.

[differentcountries]

It all depends. Are you Skyping as well? What is your main way of contact? Is she romantic on other communication forms? What is going on in her life at the moment? She may try to limit contact, she may not. I have personally been almost ignoring SO the ast couple of weeks, because I am taking care of my mum which is very tiring and does not make me very romantically inclined, I just want to sleep.

[sasad]

Totally agree wit R&R.... Especially with the ages you all are. She is cutting you back... But cutting romance stuff? Nope. Something else is going on. N.

[ChloChlo]

How long have you been together? Did she previously enjoy a lot more contact? Is this a new shift?

[Moon]

Honestly, I'm someone who feels stressed with too much texting, I don't like feeling like I constantly need to respond and I'd rather just have an actual audio conversation for an hour or so, than all day being tied to my phone. I get her and what she's saying, I'm a busy and independent woman who doesn't like having a steady stream of conversation all day, it's annoying to me, I've got things to do and a job to attend to.

I'm not commenting on her not wanting romantic texts, or wondering about her motives, just giving you the perspective of someone else who has a problem with constant texting, we do exist. Good luck.

[lucybelle]

I'm a teacher and cannot text throughout the day. I never expect my SO to contact me during the day.

[hmrambling]

I send a morning text to say good morning. Sometimes that's the only text that I send all day. We talk in the evening or later at night. We don't text all day.

If it interferes in work or my social life, it is too much.