How much communication is too much

[R&R]

Not everyone is cut out to be in an LDR. It's tough. There's nothing wrong with not being able to be in an LDR. Personally, I find CD relationships much harder to maintain.

Let me ask you this - if you were in the same town, would you require this much attention? Would you have to see her every day? Would you still need lots of text messages while you were apart during the day?

She has been very firm in setting the pace. If it's not something you can deal with, then maybe this relationship isn't for you. A relationship should not be so much stress. If it's making you more worried, stressed and unhappy than it is enhancing your life, maybe you need to really take a good look at the whole thing. Just because you love someone doesn't mean they are good for you or that the relationship is a good fit.

[Stellasman]

Hi R&R you make some good points and to answer your questions. When i move back to New Zealand to be with my family and my SO I wouldn't expect to see her each day as I will have a lot on my hands with work and my family, but she has already told me that she wants me to stay with her 4 - 5 nights per week, I only suggested 2 - 3 nights.

Texting would become a thing of the past because we would be in the same country. The pace was quite steady from the start and texting between us was fast and furious and my SO had no issue with it then.

The stress is being cause by my very low self esteen which I am going to look at shortly. My SO is stressed because she does not like to text people not just me but her friends too. This is the first women in 35 years of my dating life that almost ticks all the boxes for me and she really adores me.

Yes I am finding the distance and time difference a problem to deal with but giving up is not an option for either of us. She has a firm future in mind forus both.

I live in Australia where I have no family and my only true friend lives in Paris.

Thanks again for making some good points.

P.S I am going back to New Zealand in about seven months.

[Chillosaurus]

I was informed that I text my SO too much, my SO is 3500 kms away I miss her terribly. So how much communication is too much?

It's like a game of tennis: once the ball is over the net, you have to wait for her to hit it back to you.
You kind o have to give her the possiblity to wonder about you and persue you as well. This will not work, if you send her significantly more texts than she does.

I prefer personal communication over text. Consequently, my text are mostly like 'Nice to hear from you, when are you free to talk this weekend.'

Doing interesting stuff, meeting with friends, realizing projects... helps a lot to make you miss her less. Soon, you will be too busy to text too much. (In other words: too much is when you can't live your life to the fullest, because fo spending time texting.)

[Stellasman]

WOW, that is such a great analogy and so very true in my case, so many ideas have to me from this site and my best friend and NOW I think I actually have it.

I also made a pact with myself and will let her text me first then I will only reply, short to the point responses.

She actually sent me three texts this afternoon and evening to which I replied but kept them short. She says she does miss me but wants to be able to live here life over in NZ without having to check her phone for my texts, which in all honesty was not a lot. But I will do what I am asked too.

I am seeing her for five days in January and she is looking forward to that. She even wants me to meet her Mum so there you go.