Hi all,
I decided to find this forum after recently starting a LDR and having absolutely no clue what I'm doing with it. It's all new to me, and, thanks to recent developments, scary.
So a bit of background info. I'm from the UK. I spent August travelling around America, and finished my trip in San Francisco. I met my SO on my last night in the states. After a drunken night of fun, I thought it would be just that. I woke up to a friend request from him on Facebook, and we never stopped talking from there. We developed feelings for one another very quickly. We were equals. We were open and true to one another. He visited me in October for 2 weeks, during which time we also spent 5 days in Amsterdam. Whilst he was over here, he asked me to be his girlfriend, he told me he loved me, and was very open about how he sees the future going for us.
I have flights booked to go and stay with him in March. BUT.
The past week - 10 days, he's been incredibly distant and somewhat off the radar. Seeing my messages, not getting back to me, scheduling Skype calls and then never coming online. Some info on what's going on with him...
A few months ago he started working for himself. He's stuck in a lease until May which he can't wait to get out of to be more flexible. He has credit card debt which I know bothers him, and as far as I can tell, would bother anyone.
He seems extremely scattered and doesn't seem to know what he wants, apart from when it comes to us. When we have spoken on the phone recently, everything has been normal. We had a very productive phone call via Skype a week ago where I explained that I wouldn't be angry or annoyed if he has busy days where we can't talk, I simply want that communicating to me. I can't handle being ignored, the radio silence. It's just the kind of person I am.
Last night we had a Skype call scheduled. I was going out for dinner with friends, so when we were on the phone the night before he asked me to message him when I was leaving dinner, so he could wrap up what he was doing and we could Skype. I messaged him to say I was leaving, and again to say I was home. No response. Nothing. I sent him a long but reasonable and calm message explaining that I'd come home as we'd arranged a call, and that I thought he would have told me if he hadn't wanted to talk. I said that I'm trying my best to support him with the changes in his life at the moment, but I can't if he doesn't want me to/ doesn't let me. I signed off the long message saying I'm trying my best to support you, but I don't know how to do that because I feel like I don't know what you want. There's not much else I can do right now, so I'll give you some space.
I went to bed, stayed awake and restless all night. He read the message but did not reply. It looks like he read it right before crashing out for the night.
I'm absolutely heartbroken and don't know what to do or what this means. I can't eat, my mind is racing, and he knows that I've been struggling with us talking less. I felt like we had such a good productive conversation last week, but it seems to have done a U-turn.
Do I give up? Do I hang on in there? I don't know how I can be there for him, as he's asked me to before, when he isn't engaging me and even ignoring me at points.
Not hearing from him is killing me. He used to be so attentive, affectionate. Like he couldn't get enough of me. And suddenly I feel like that's gone.
Thank you in advance for your help. Much love x
I decided to find this forum after recently starting a LDR and having absolutely no clue what I'm doing with it. It's all new to me, and, thanks to recent developments, scary.
So a bit of background info. I'm from the UK. I spent August travelling around America, and finished my trip in San Francisco. I met my SO on my last night in the states. After a drunken night of fun, I thought it would be just that. I woke up to a friend request from him on Facebook, and we never stopped talking from there. We developed feelings for one another very quickly. We were equals. We were open and true to one another. He visited me in October for 2 weeks, during which time we also spent 5 days in Amsterdam. Whilst he was over here, he asked me to be his girlfriend, he told me he loved me, and was very open about how he sees the future going for us.
I have flights booked to go and stay with him in March. BUT.
The past week - 10 days, he's been incredibly distant and somewhat off the radar. Seeing my messages, not getting back to me, scheduling Skype calls and then never coming online. Some info on what's going on with him...
A few months ago he started working for himself. He's stuck in a lease until May which he can't wait to get out of to be more flexible. He has credit card debt which I know bothers him, and as far as I can tell, would bother anyone.
He seems extremely scattered and doesn't seem to know what he wants, apart from when it comes to us. When we have spoken on the phone recently, everything has been normal. We had a very productive phone call via Skype a week ago where I explained that I wouldn't be angry or annoyed if he has busy days where we can't talk, I simply want that communicating to me. I can't handle being ignored, the radio silence. It's just the kind of person I am.
Last night we had a Skype call scheduled. I was going out for dinner with friends, so when we were on the phone the night before he asked me to message him when I was leaving dinner, so he could wrap up what he was doing and we could Skype. I messaged him to say I was leaving, and again to say I was home. No response. Nothing. I sent him a long but reasonable and calm message explaining that I'd come home as we'd arranged a call, and that I thought he would have told me if he hadn't wanted to talk. I said that I'm trying my best to support him with the changes in his life at the moment, but I can't if he doesn't want me to/ doesn't let me. I signed off the long message saying I'm trying my best to support you, but I don't know how to do that because I feel like I don't know what you want. There's not much else I can do right now, so I'll give you some space.
I went to bed, stayed awake and restless all night. He read the message but did not reply. It looks like he read it right before crashing out for the night.
I'm absolutely heartbroken and don't know what to do or what this means. I can't eat, my mind is racing, and he knows that I've been struggling with us talking less. I felt like we had such a good productive conversation last week, but it seems to have done a U-turn.
Do I give up? Do I hang on in there? I don't know how I can be there for him, as he's asked me to before, when he isn't engaging me and even ignoring me at points.
Not hearing from him is killing me. He used to be so attentive, affectionate. Like he couldn't get enough of me. And suddenly I feel like that's gone.
Thank you in advance for your help. Much love x
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