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Feeling every mile of the distance today....

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    Feeling every mile of the distance today....

    Distance is really tough today.

    My SO is a bartender, he has regular customers and a lot of them I met when I visited him as I hung around at the bar on the days he had to work. One of the guys I really liked. He was an intelligent fella and we had some great in depth conversations and we would sit and watch jeopardy in the afternoons at the bar. He had some personal issues though, he'd lost some close family and he had hit the booze hard. My SO had liver failure two years ago (not through alcohol abuse) and recognised the signs of it starting in his friend. He kept tabs on him, made sure he was eating properly and having regular check ups with the doctor.

    Recently SO took on another job which meant he couldn't bar tend quite so much. His friend kept phoning him and asking him when he'd be back and SO always took the time to speak to him and even went to see him at his house.

    Yesterday his friend was found dead at home. SO has taken it really really badly. He's upset and is blaming himself for his friends death. I have told him that he's not responsible for anyone's health apart from his own but he's feeling responsible for his friend dying...

    I hate that I can't just go round to his place and just sit with him, let him talk if he wants to and just give him a hug. I'm devastated his friend had died alone, such a horrible way to go. Hating the distance today and feeling really low.

    #2
    You're doing all you can supporting him despite the distance. I know it doesn't feel like you are doing anything but trust me you are. Just be there when he needs you and give space when it's required. Take care of yourself too

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      #3
      I am so sorry :<

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        #4
        It's so hard to be far away when really happy or really sad things happen in your SO's life. I know how hard it must be to not get to comfort your SO in person, but just being a support system for him as he grieves is being a comfort. Sorry for your loss.

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          #5
          Originally posted by Redheart14 View Post
          You're doing all you can supporting him despite the distance. I know it doesn't feel like you are doing anything but trust me you are. Just be there when he needs you and give space when it's required. Take care of yourself too
          Thanks, he's talking about it quite a bit which I suppose is a good thing. I keep reassuring him that it's not his fault, if he wasn't drinking at the bar he'd have been drinking at home. He knows that deep down. It's just really tough.

          I wish I could hug him...

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            #6
            I can kind of relate to you on this one. My SO works in a retirement complex and she went in to find a women who's normally very bubbly and quite a good friend to her bleeding out because the woman tried to kill herself. Safe to say she's pretty traumatized and because of this she's sort of been avoiding me all weekend and yeah i feel like total crap for not being able to help her at all. It really really sucks when someone you love is hurting and you can't do anything about it.
            my girls <3

            Josie (SO)
            Met online ~ 17th August 2017 ~
            Met in person ~ 30th August 2017 ~
            Became official ~ 15th September 2017 ~
            Closed the distance and moved in together! ~ 18th June 2018 ~

            Ash
            Met online ~ 21st November 2018 ~
            Met in person ~ 26th November 2018 ~
            Became official ~ 4th December 2018 ~
            All moved in together! ~ 30th May 2019 ~

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              #7
              That is so sad. I am sure he appreciates you being there dispite the distance. Make sure he knows that his friend did not die "alone", he had felt your SOs care right up until he passed.
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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                #8
                So sorry to hear that - I can't imagine how horrible it must have been for him. As long as you're there to offer comfort when needed, that's the best you can do. Try not to feel bad about the distance, even though I know you must want to be there to help, but being available to talk to is just as good.

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                  #9
                  I know i'm late on this, but I guess I went through a similar situation a few months ago with my SO. His brother had passed away and of course it was really hard on him. I didn't know his brother but I knew the whole situation and it even upset me seeing him sad. Even though I couldn't physically be there for him, I would try to comfort him through the phone. Just text him that I loved him and was thinking about him. I was an ear for him and I let him just talk and I would listen. It helped him at that time knowing that I would try and be there for him as much as I could.

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