How do you cope with your partner working away whilst their already away?

[beckyrm]

I've been with my husband for 3 years, I'm in the UK and he's in Zambia. I returned to the UK In November after fails to try and get a job and settle down where he lives, so I came home to work for 6 months whilst I work towards getting him a settlement visa. The plan was I'd be at home working, and he would be at home, we had our routine, we have wifi at the house so we were talking every day. And I was kind of getting through the days and feeling positive about this year.
Then my husband was offered a job where he travels over the whole country, in some very rural places with no wifi, I cannot call him because the rates are so expensive, we have no communication apart from text messages, and to make matters worse I didn't know about it and didn't have time to prepare my self because he only find out on the same day that he was going away!
He's doing something he loves and it's a great opportunity for him, and we are still working towards the visa and still have our plans in place, but for some reason I feel like he has just left all over again. I feel like i'm going through the same stages of depression that I did when I physically left him. Our calls every day was the only thing giving me strength but now I feel like I've lost him.
Has anybody else gone through a similar situation?
It's strange because we were thousands of miles apart to start with, it's just that he's gone to another place. But I feel as if now our routine (our coping strategy) has been broken, I feel like I cannot cope at all!
Please it would be nice to know your thoughts on this, there's not really anybody who I know apart from my husband who I can talk to about it!

[nelle]

see how he feels too...

Hey! So I can't relate 100% to what you are going through because I haven't met my S/O. However, while in my LDR I have traveled outside of my home country to another continent. Before I left home my S/O told me he would be a support for me while I was away from home. He works full-time and sometimes 12 or even 14 hour shifts. About two or three weeks into my trip I started to feel a bit homesick, and easily agitated by certain things my S/O did or didn't do.

Long story short - I told him that since I had been away our relationship felt different - I was in a new place, learning a new language, new people, new food, away from loved ones etc. And our already awkwardly formulated relationship just felt even more awkward. I reached a point where I did start to feel very lonely and I didn't want to tell him because I didn't want him to feel guilty for working too much, or that he had done something wrong. So I went to see a therapist.

My point is i totally understand your concerns and they are totally valid. so i would recommend new hobbies to get your mind of the situation, hanging out with friends, new book, self-care and enjoy your life. but definitely check in with him as well, see how the travelling and being a way from home and you is effecting him (idk if you've done that already, just a thought).

[Unicorn26]

Yes I can relate, you are not alone!!!

Everyone is different in their needs for the amount of communication necessary to help them cope. My SO and I always have had a lot of communication. It's got way more since my last visit and we FaceTime as often as possible, daily if we can.

Lately , he has had no internet and we have had to reply on text only. It's been almost a month now and it's really tough. I hate texting, it seems so impersonal especially since we have spent time together I each other others presence.

Tomorrow, he is starting two weeks of jobs setting up trade shows all over the USA. His schedule is crazy, add in the timezone and difference and the chances of us actually having a text conversation when we can actually reply to one another is very slim. I'm not looking forward to it AT ALL. I am such a worrier, (I have very valid reasons why I worry but that's another story) and the thought of not knowing that's he's ok, not saying goodnight, all those things that make me feel ok about us whilst we are apart fills me with dread. I can only hope he will be able to shoot me a quick text when he's on a bathroom break lol! Knowing him, he will. He's pretty good like that.

Try and focus on what contact you DO have rather than what you don't have. That's what I do. Although it's going to be awful not being able to speak, we both should be thankful that we at least have text. It's better than nothing and for now, we will just have to deal with it.

Try and keep busy, see friends, play games, do puzzles, keep your mind active. Hang around here too! There's always people here in the same situation.

And always remember, this is temporary. It will pass.