Is she pulling away?

[Smnsn]

Okay, so I have joined this forum because I need some advice on what I should. So I recently met this girl and I fell in love with her. We met after I had liked her comment on a post in a camping and hiking section of a forum. She then messaged me an we began to talk. She started showing signs that she liked me and luckily I was picking up on them because normally flirting goes right over my head. She had told me that she liked me but i was super hesitant to do the same. However i eventually told her and she was super excited. I still had that feeling of "what if its a catfish" in the back of my mind. However we eventually skyped each other we were both relieved. We skyped for two hours that first time and granted it was a bit awkward it was still really nice. So things were moving pretty quick and my feeling toward her had grown quite strong. I decided to tell her that I loved her.

We talked everyday all day when we could for almost 2 months but now all of a sudden it just stopped. one day it was perfectly fine and the next not so much. We were skyping either everyday or every other day and talking a ton. She likes to play video games as do I but she happened to get this new game and thats when it all started. We skyped for maybe an hour the first day she got it and since then we haven't skyped at all and like I said simple messages have gone way down and we would talk about everything. Now its like "so what are you doing today?" another thing is we would say I love you before she would go to sleep and she hasn't said that once since. She also happened to get the flu and is still recovering from it and I know her period is about to start this week.

I'm just wondering if you guys could give any advice as to what may be going on. I'm worried that maybe shes gotten bored with me or that I've been too clingy. Or do you think it may just be because of her having a combo of new game, flu, and period all in such a short period of time.

I should also mention that we were trying to meet up since she is from the Netherlands and im from the U.S. I was planning on going in march during my spring break to stay there for a few day just so we can meet and know if we actually like each other in person. However she has denied that idea since she has exams in march. Our school schedules are almost complete opposites from each other and shes not done until the end of June. She has two breaks one in Feb and one in May but I'll still be in school and those breaks are usually used to prepare for the exams at least thats what she tells me. she would like to come live with me and get a work visa since she is taking a year off from school but like i said I want to meet her before that way we both know we actually like each other if that makes sense. Anyway I just feel like the end of June is a long time to wait before actually meeting her. If thats what we have to do I will. I'm more worried about the pulling away right now though or if i shouldn't worry about it.

thanks, any input would be greatly appreciated.

[sasad]

Oh gosh. As a female, I would be a crank monster with the flu and period for sure...
It sounds like you did move fast. I am a bit leary she wants to move in with you yet you haven't met in person. It doesn't happen a lot, but people click great online, yet have issues when they meet in real life.

So, yes, it could be the game..it could be all three things happening. It could also be that the newness and intensity are going down. That also happens in some relationships. Have you tried to talk to her about all this? Can you set a Skype date and ask her face to face? It could be nothing.... You just won't know until you ask..

[Smnsn]

Thank you for writing! I figured I'd give it a week before I really brought it up just in case it is the flu/period combo. I did ask if I had done anything to upset her and she said i hadn't. I had also mentioned that i would like to skype and I got the equivalent of a "we'll see" which i was like, uhhh ok. As for her wanting to move in I sorta offered because I know she doesn't have the greatest home life, also it would allow her to have some where to stay while she is working here and have one less thing to worry about. Thanks again for the quick response!

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Just a heads up: as an American with a Dutch boyfriend, we have been trying for almost a year to find him a job in the U.S. in order to get a work visa and bring him over. It's not as easy as it sounds. Based off of the fact that she's "taking a year off of school" it sounds like she's not finishing her degree? That'll be even harder for her to get a visa. My boyfriend has a master's degree and it's still almost impossible at this point.

With that being said, definitely wait until this summer and go and visit her. Even if she somehow managed to get to the U.S., it may take years to do so. It's nice to have a strong foundation for your relationship if you two do ever close the distance. Plus, I would highly, highly recommend not planning on living together if you two had never met before. Moving to a new country and living with a partner is stressful enough for people who have been dating for years and have had CD experiences before. Add to that the fact that you two have never met in person and that's just way way wayyyy too much to handle.

[kittyxuchiha11]

I don't think she's deliberately trying to ignore you or anything as relationships do settle down and there just isn't that need to skype everyday anymore. this happens to every couple at a different time because we're all different so just remember that. and as someone who definitely accidentally ignored their SO for a bit because I got obsessed with a new game, i'll say it definitely happens lol. as for the other stuff, i agree with the above posters, you definitely need to meet a good few times before you even consider living together.

[Honour]

Fallout 4 became my SO's new girlfriend when it came out :P

Don't sweat it too much. What a wretched combo flu and a period can be. She's probably just not feeling up to it. Things will probably even out after she feels better. Talk to her and see.

[Smnsn]

Thank you to everyone who has responded!

I had offered to come see her in march during my spring break but she insisted that that wouldn't work because of exams, so I left it alone an figured we would just meet this summer as planned. Well we finally talked and I figured out what was going on. First though it should be said that she told me a few times that she has BPD or borderline personality disorder which I knew nothing about so I had to research it. Anyway, we talked and apparently she was thinking it over and she has gotten it in her head that there is no way to make it work. She thinks the distance it too great and that she doesn't see how it is even possible because we are both still in school. I offered to pay for her to come for a couple weeks this summer and she kept bringing up the fact that she wouldn't have money but she wouldn't even have to spend any really.

I was quite disheartened when she told me this but not discouraged. I'm hoping this is a temporary thing brought on because of her BPD because it was so sudden of a change and she didn't even say anything until I straight up asked her what was wrong and why she was acting so different. its strange though, because shes had a previous long distance relationship and that lasted quite a while before she met me. I'm wondering if she is hesitant to start another LDR because of how the last one didn't work out. Which to me there's the risk that any relationship wont work out so why not at least give it a shot?

I am currently just sending her maybe one or two messages either a good morning or good night just to let her know I'm thinking of her. I had planned to send a bouquet of flowers on valentines day along with a card but she asked me not to send "the gift", but that was before I knew why she didn't want me to. I still sent a card with a picture of the bouquet of flowers as well as letter. We'll see how it goes I guess.