Beware: Long Post - Sorry, I am just trying to be as detailed as possible so the advice is as helpful and beneficial for me as possible.
Hello
I am in a bit of a pickle and need some help, advice or opinions.
I met my significant other on the 7th of Feb. last year.
So here is my predicament, earlier on in the relationship, we were constantly talking, almost 14 hours a day on the messenger; Kik, we were constantly Skyping whenever we got the chance and even skyped each other while we drove to work or to Uni and between classes/while walking to classes, we even took pictures of what we did during the day that reminded us of each other.
This continued on for about 3 months straight, we had 3 Kik conversations because our messages were long, detailed and we never ran out of things to talk about.
Everything was great until about May, where she was caught by her parents talking to me, and so, she was no longer able to use Kik, but we were still Skyping fairly regularly, however we had to stick with emails alone.
We continued this pace until about June/July where she had to go abroad to Japan as part of her studies, we skyped there as well, but not as regularly because..well, she was busy (our skypings sessions had turned from 'interesting and decent, where we would talk for hours on end, about everything and anything' to 'me asking about her day and afterwards she would get distracted by stuff like FaceBook and news article, as I just sat there in silence and admired her').
Once she got back, we no longer Skyped, her exams where coming up and she was too busy, our emails went from a few emails a day to maybe twice a week. By this point, it was killing me, I missed her terribly, so I told her, and I just chalked it up to a busy schedule.
From the time she got back home from Japan, we Skyped only twice from then until now - once on Christmas because I asked it to be her gift to me because I was missing her too much (skyped for ~40 minutes) and wanted to see her, and another a few days after that because I was craving her (skyped for ~20 minutes).
At around January, with her classes having ended, she told me that she could use Kik again, because she lonely and wanted to talk to other people and so we were able to start talking again with Kik, however this was extremely scarce, because she was hiding the fact that she was talking to me from her parents, but she was still able to talk to other people completely normally. I figured this was better than nothing and so I didn't complain.
I had always been the one who picked the topic of conversation, been the one to ask her about her day, how she was doing etc. whereas, she has asked me those questions and started the conversation only a handful of times since we've met (which I don't mind, because I figured she still cared about how I was and such, but just didn't ask). So it was basically me messaging her multiple times during every day, expressing my love for her and how I missed her and waiting for her to reply (she'd sometimes read them and not respond, which I told her was fine because I knew she didn't always have the time and hiding the fact that she was talking to me from her parents didn't leave her much room to type out a response).
For the past few weeks now, her responses were short and the time we got to talk on Kik were about a hour or so and is mostly during when she was for her shift at work to start.
But, today, she told me that every time we talked, it felt like I was drilling her, because it was basically the same thing/questions over and over again and that it was getting boring; it was mostly I miss yous, how did you sleep, any dreams, when do you have to work, how was work, how was your day, etc.
Which was fair, because I do admit, that our conversations had gotten stale and have turned to just those questions and me occasionally helping her out with her depression/anxiety, but it was also due to mostly because I knew that she doesn't have much time to talk and I was curious about her day and how she was.
So, this worries me a bit because I don't know what to talk about with her any more.
I have basically resorted to small talk again, and..well..seeing as I have always been the one who started the conversation..it is hard.
I have thought about leaving it up to her to pick the topic, but knowing her, she would not start one.
There have been a few days where I have wondered why no longer skyped anymore or even as she drove to work, or if someone can really be busy to the point where they can't replied to a few short messages (sometimes it goes without a response for days), or if she's lost interest in me. It sometimes feels like I am making all the sacrifices.
Any who, that's just a small part of my rant, sorry, onto the questions;
- What can I do to improve our conversations/what topics can I bring up?
- How can I ask about her day, how she slept, if she had any dreams, how was work, and how she is doing without..well..asking it with those specific words?
- Any opinions or ideas on how to improve our relationship or tips that you could give me.
- Any opinions or ideas on what you personally might do if you were placed in my predicament (only able to talk at max an hour a day - occasionally going days without so much as a message).
- Any thoughts or opinions at all for that matter.
- Should I actually wait for her to pick the topic/take the floor (in other words; start the conversation)?
-..and..I don't really know what to do at this point really..I mean, I am the one who usually helps other people with their relationship issues, however, now, I find myself the one that needs help, and without a clue as to what to do. I have talked to her about this, but am just curious as to what you, the readers of my post, might think. I'm not even sure if these questions are what I am really after. I guess, I feel like it's one-sided, who knows, it might just be me and am wanting to confirm that it isn't just me and want someone else to confirm my thoughts about this being a one-sided relationship.
Thank you to those who actually read this entire thread, sorry once again that it is so long.
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