Missing him

[chloeturner]

Hiya, still a relative newbie to the forum, only posted once!!

I met my SO online and we met in person in October, I stayed with him for five weeks and we are still very much in love.
A lot of stuff has gone belly up and although I was meant to be seeing him in March that isn't looking very possible at the minute. He is on a flight back to his home country as I type this and has to makes ends meet there before I can even think about going over - and i also helped him out quite a bit financially meaning that I sacrificed a sooner visit to see him through his journey without worries.

These last few days whilst he's been on his way home through various airports etc (which I kept him company through Skype the whole time, hail the free airport wifi!!) I have felt a complete mixture of emotions and it feels almost as bad as the day I left him.

Doe anyone else get like this when they are months between visits? It's coming up for 4 months now, and while things haven't been easy my feelings for him are stronger than ever I wish I could close my eyes and not open them until he calls to say the visa application was successful and he's coming home to me and we don't have to do this anymore!!

[Unicorn26]

I think we all feel like this from time to time. Ive not seen my SO since october, not sure when we will be seeing each other again but hopefully it won't be too long before we will know.

It's horrible when visits have to be postponed or cancelled, it happened to us too. He should have been here in a couple of weeks but unfortunately life got in the way and that's not happening. LDR's will always have peaks and troughs, you have to be prepared for plans to go belly up because that's just the way it goes. It's hard, but you have to take stuff like this on the chin and keep positive otherwise you will drive yourself insane.

This site is a fantastic place for support and it really helps to know there are others in your situation.

You are not alone in this!! Stay strong

[chloeturner]

I think we all feel like this from time to time. Ive not seen my SO since october, not sure when we will be seeing each other again but hopefully it won't be too long before we will know.

It's horrible when visits have to be postponed or cancelled, it happened to us too. He should have been here in a couple of weeks but unfortunately life got in the way and that's not happening. LDR's will always have peaks and troughs, you have to be prepared for plans to go belly up because that's just the way it goes. It's hard, but you have to take stuff like this on the chin and keep positive otherwise you will drive yourself insane.

This site is a fantastic place for support and it really helps to know there are others in your situation.

You are not alone in this!! Stay strong

Thanks

I look at all the dates on here and try to stay positive think how lucky we are to be in a position where the only thing that stands in our way of closing the gap is money - circumstantially everything is good to go and all being well he will be here by the end of the year permanently!! I'm not sure I could do this for the years so of you guys have!

I've been okay for the most part aside from wallowing for a couple of weeks when I got home back in November, but these last few days have been horrendous! I think it has been made worse by the fact he has flight anxiety and I am fine with flying aside from it making me feel a bit ill if I don't get a window seat, and I just wish I could have been there physically to make him more at ease.

Do you have plans to close the gap?

[Unicorn26]

We do yes. He would have to move here but it would be a way off yet. At present I do not earn the required amount to sponsor him (although my annual income is over £10k higher than the the minimum earnings required but it all comes down to earnings unfortunately). As the single parent of two children still in primary school, I cannot work more hours yet. Once they're both in secondary school I will easily earn the required amount.

If I didn't have children, or my kids dad was absent, I would have made plans to move to him by now but our options are limited because of the children. No way could I leave my daughters, not until they were much older and independent anyway and even then, I would be very reluctant.

Until we can be together permanently, which is what we both want, we will have to settle for a few visits a year. It's looking like hopefully we should have at least two this year which is really great.

[chloeturner]

We do yes. He would have to move here but it would be a way off yet. At present I do not earn the required amount to sponsor him (although my annual income is over £10k higher than the the minimum earnings required but it all comes down to earnings unfortunately). As the single parent of two children still in primary school, I cannot work more hours yet. Once they're both in secondary school I will easily earn the required amount.

If I didn't have children, or my kids dad was absent, I would have made plans to move to him by now but our options are limited because of the children. No way could I leave my daughters, not until they were much older and independent anyway and even then, I would be very reluctant.

Until we can be together permanently, which is what we both want, we will have to settle for a few visits a year. It's looking like hopefully we should have at least two this year which is really great.

Ahh yes, I am lucky in that I care for my mother who has various disabilities, which means we are exempt from the financial requirement and I just have to meet the maintenance requirement (which I already do as I work 12hrs per week) in order for him to get here. All that we really need is for him to make a visit here (although Korea will be very exciting for me!) and then savings to get him here.

I hope you get to see your SO soon

[Unicorn26]

Thank you.

From what I've read, hopefully once I can meet the income requirements we stand a pretty good chance of it happening because he's from USA and is white, which is quite terrible really but that's the way it is.

Good luck with closing the distance, which route are you going to take? Spouse visa? I'm yet to hear of anyone who was approved without having to appeal. It's so tough to get a partner who's not in the EU into the UK. It's crazy.

[R&R]

I haven't seen my SO since July. Our plans for both November and February fell through. Those visits would have been for our birthday and anniversary. We don't have our next visit planned yet. We are only 1,000 miles away and in the same country but it's been tough to get our schedules together.

I look at it as we will be living together within the next 24 months, so right now I can take advantage of my individual time. Once we are together, I won't have as much free time to do what I want.

[chloeturner]

Thank you.

From what I've read, hopefully once I can meet the income requirements we stand a pretty good chance of it happening because he's from USA and is white, which is quite terrible really but that's the way it is.

Good luck with closing the distance, which route are you going to take? Spouse visa? I'm yet to hear of anyone who was approved without having to appeal. It's so tough to get a partner who's not in the EU into the UK. It's crazy.

Yes, that is the route we would be taking.

Are you serious? I spoke with an immigration solicitor and everything to check that there is no reason it shouldn't go through under our current circumstances holy shit, I am super worried now.. Where the hell does that leave us?!

[Unicorn26]

Yes, that is the route we would be taking.

Are you serious? I spoke with an immigration solicitor and everything to check that there is no reason it shouldn't go through under our current circumstances holy shit, I am super worried now.. Where the hell does that leave us?!

It's not a straightforward process at all. I'm sorry I didn't mean to worry you but you need to be prepared that things may not go as smoothly as you hope. If you have an immigration solicitor onside then you should be ok, but please be aware that there are a hell of a lot of families out there living separately in different countries because of our harsh immigration policies.

Just make sure you have enough money to go through the appeal process too. Hopefully you will be ok, but it doesn't hurt to be prepared for every eventuality. It does seem that the home office like to turn applications down as a matter of course, maybe to weed out the fakes. Not saying this is right, it's absolutely appalling but it seems to be the way things are. I will not be even attempting the visa process without the help of an immigration solicitor.

[chloeturner]

It's not a straightforward process at all. I'm sorry I didn't mean to worry you but you need to be prepared that things may not go as smoothly as you hope. If you have an immigration solicitor onside then you should be ok, but please be aware that there are a hell of a lot of families out there living separately in different countries because of our harsh immigration policies.

Just make sure you have enough money to go through the appeal process too. Hopefully you will be ok, but it doesn't hurt to be prepared for every eventuality. It does seem that the home office like to turn applications down as a matter of course, maybe to weed out the fakes. Not saying this is right, it's absolutely appalling but it seems to be the way things are. I will not be even attempting the visa process without the help of an immigration solicitor.

On what grounds can they just point blank refuse though? Surely they should interview the two people together and treat every circumstance differently. I have mountains of evidence that this is a genuine relationship as well as proof of visits (when we make more visits, of course).

I feel so stupid I spoke with 2 solicitors and they both confirmed the same thing and never once mentioned any of the difficulties you are bringing to light

I'm trying to find out how much it is to appeal and one of the solicitors said he would happily help us through so will get back to him about fees as and when, but I thought it would have been so straight forward with all the evidence we have to show this is genuine.

I wonder if we were already married, if that would make any difference? I am gutted

[Unicorn26]

If you have an experienced solicitor helping you then you should be ok. I believe the appeal costs around £1200.00 but I'm really not sure.

Try not to worry about something that's not happened yet, just be prepared that's all. It's a costly process and it seems they are really cracking down hard on immigration lately. You need to be completely prepared and have enough savings just in case things so go wrong. From what I've read I don't think it makes any difference if you're already married.

[chloeturner]

If you have an experienced solicitor helping you then you should be ok. I believe the appeal costs around £1200.00 but I'm really not sure.

Try not to worry about something that's not happened yet, just be prepared that's all. It's a costly process and it seems they are really cracking down hard on immigration lately. You need to be completely prepared and have enough savings just in case things so go wrong. From what I've read I don't think it makes any difference if you're already married.

I am reading up right now and they all seem to be refused due to loopholes in the financial requirement system but I can't find any articles on people lodging applications that are exempt from the financial requirement.

I would've thought the fakes would be spotted a mile off I should probably start gathering evidence, scrolling through months of skype conversations will not be fun though! But it's one less stress when the time actually comes. Prep now to make it easy sailing later, you know.

I need a lottery win

[chloeturner]

I think all I can do is stay positive - when they do any checks etc they will see he has good education and a degree from an EU country, plus employment history, they will see that he is not wanting to come here to scrounge hopefully! Not that they even can until they have the ILTR but still, they'll see that he intends to work and pay tax. He will fly through the English exams as he grew up in NZ so to speak to him on the phone he sounds like a native speaker - he struggles with his Korean!

I've just got to try and get in the mindset of, there is NO reason they should not let him into the country. We have a genuine relationship, he has a good work ethic and native speaking english, and we will have met another couple of times by the time the application gets lodged which will mean plenty of photos and we already have a ton of evidence otherwise.

I'm going to feel sick once the application is made though!

[abna1]

I wish you guys all the best for your visa process! We went through this last year for a visit and are about to do it again for another visit in April. Due to the fact, that his application was denied our visit was also pushed out several months and in the end it was 8,5 months we spent apart. It's no fun. I absolutely understand how you're feeling. You will find a lot of support on this forum.
Even though we're from different countries and there are different requirements, I can support what Unicorn26 is saying about having a backup plan. We had all the documents that the German embassy recommended for the tourist visa application with plenty of proof that we're in a genuine relationship and that he has reasons to go back to his country before his visa expires and they still denied it. The only reason being that they thought there was not enough evidence that he would leave again. Everyone who was there for an interview that day was denied actually. We then handed in an appeal a few weeks later and he got the visa! It did feel like they were just seeing who was willing to go the extra mile. I really hope things will go smoothly for you two. I'm sure it's only beneficial having a solicitor by your side, especially if it's for a permanent move. Have some extra documents and a bit of extra cash on hand and you should be fine. All the best!

[farandaway]

We've been apart for 14 months soon. Planning visits in the spring (here) and in the summer (there). Right now is really tough he's caring for mom after just having lost his dad. He's so busy and stressed and frustrated. I try to stay busy to get over this but it's really hard. But we've been apart before and we're committed. Just passed our 4 year mark.