She claims she doesn't have the time...for anything

[josh_bennett]

Hey guys, so i made a post about our relationship and what the current circumstances are, but im not allowed to post links yet.... but this is the thread title - In need of serious long distance relationship advice... - please do read it, and the comments, it's necessary to answer the following question related to it <3

After presenting her with the comment someone made about "is she doesn't have time now, she'll never have time for you, except for maybe 15-20 years down the road once she's settled down. But if when you visit her, she finds that she does actually have the time and that having you is beneficial to her well-being and study then it will work out" because, i don't see waiting 15-20 years very plausible... but i would do it if there was promise or sanctity of marriage/life together, 100%

The fact is, if i go over in August for this concert (if you didnt read my previous post, you should, but i am heading over there for a coldplay concert with her this august ) and it does actually work out that its more beneficial to have me in her life and commit to the relationship, i will obviously hold on. but if not, if she still claims she doesnt have the time or energy to devote to even her friends or social life, let alone a freakin long distance relationship, then i mean, there is nothing left i can do.... i may just have to let her go, as heartbreaking as that sounds... though if she found someone there with similar interests and whatnot, and i start seeing pictures of them together or snap chats or anything, then i would probably actually break-down, like, seriously break down... i would not have the motivation to do anything and i would be so, truly devastated that it would eat me from the inside out. I kind of feel like letting go of her now, but it just seems impossible, i don;t want to let her go, though i feel it is actually the best decision, i just love her so much... she's different from any person ive ever met. And also, i want to go to the concert with her and hold her in my arms while we listen to the very songs that brought us together, live, and just have probably the most magical night of my entire lifetime... but she seems very intent on 'taking a break' for now, which is seriously what she needs, she doesn't need all this emotional stress but i find it extremely hard not talking to her and have her not talk to me back.... it's killing me inside.

There is one thing in common that we both want... a life together... but for the meanwhile it's proven almost impossible to the sheer fact that she has years of studying and career establishment left, and i want to be a part of all that, comforting her after long nights and being there for her when she feels like shes going nowhere. but i also need to get some life goals of my own out of the way if theres a chance of us living together in the future. If worst case scenario happens and i have to let her go for a while after august, should i still remain friends even if we are taking a 'break'? because i really want to, but the prospect of her being with someone else would completely destroy me inside... and i think thats likely to happen in a 15 year timeframe....

im just really lost and battling sever mood swings, like one moment ill be super happy and thinking it will all be ok, shes just busy and stressed, shell message me soon, its going to work out blah blah, and then 15 mins later ill have tears flowing down my cheeks listening to a coldplay song that came on shuffle and think my life is over because i can't have the one girl ive always dreamed of....

[R&R]

A relationship should not cause you so much stress. Yes, in a relationship there can be times of stress, but this seems beyond that. A relationship should also not control your emotions so fully. It's very unhealthy.

Could your relationship work? Yes, it could if both parties are willing and able to put in time and effort. Could the relationship end? Yes, that is possible as well. If the relationship ends, will she end up in a relationship with someone else in the future? Yes, she will. If the relationship ends, will you end up in a relationship with someone else? Yes, you will.

You need to be 100% a whole person on your own. Your own friends, your own job, your own interests. You need confidence in yourself and have a path and goals for YOU. Then, you are able to have a relationship that can add to your already existing, full life. Letting another person control your happiness and moods so much isn't good. I saw something the other day and part of it was "There is only one person you spend your entire life with - YOU". There is so much truth to that. Maybe it's time to take a step back and reassess you and your life as an individual and get your bearings back.

[Miasmata]

R&R hit the nail on the head. You are a worthy human being on your own, and should never feel like you gotta lose yourself in a relationship. A relationship is there to make you even better, not make you whole.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

It's one thing to accidentally run into each other or randomly message and pick things up again in 15 years. It is totally different waiting 15 years for someone that can't even give you an indication of what they may want. She isn't ready for you. If she was then she would make time for you. We are all busy. Hell, last semester I spent literally all of my free time studying, so I feel for her, I really do. But I still was able to maintain a relationship with my boyfriend because it was a priority for me. Wait for someone who makes you a priority too. You deserve more than a "maybe in 15 years".

[differentcountries]

Sometimes lifes takes a bad turn. Sometimes we start commitments that turn out to be more than we expected. I am currently between a rock and a hard place; my mum is very sick, she is upset she is sick, my dad is exhausted, all my relatives are worried. I just lost my job, which means the unemplyment service is up my ass and I have to prove that I apply for jobs plus I have less money. I am sick. My husband has been extremely tired, he just started a new job while being exhausted from being taken advantage of in the old one. My life feel very busy and very chaoitic. I miss being able to prioritize visits and communication. It is really hard.

But you know...I do not claim I am "to busy for a relationship". Because to me, that is a bit like saying "I am to busy to eat". You have to eat to survive. you have to priortize a relationship to be in one. My romantic relationships are my social life blood. My boys are the dearest of the dear to me, I would rather sacrifice a kidkey than give any of them up. If you are in a relationship, and care for the other person, you make it happen, it is as simple as that.

Asking someone to wait 20 years is riddiculous and offensive. If she wants out of the relationship, she is free do make that decition, but it is cruel to suggest that you should wait for her, apparently the VIP in your relationship, to finish the more important businiss while you put your whole youth on hold for her. I assume she is a very charming person for you to even slightly consider this, but even if you got together down the line, you would always play a minor part in her life. If she doesn't want to make you a priority in her life, don't make her a priority in yours.