Different countries and religions

[tal_shemesh]

Hey
Me and my boyfriend are in a LDR for 4 months. We met online and didn't meet yet, but he says he'll visit in February.
We are completely in love with each other, but the problem is I'm jewish (live in Israel) and he's muslim (lives in Turkey).
At the beginning of the relationship he said he doesn't care about religions, and that he's an atheist anyway. I'm not that close to my religion either, so I said I don't mind as well.
Deep inside I knew there's no way we could make this work out without moving to another country and giving up my family (which is very religious and will NEVER accept him, my parents will probably deny me being their daughter).
We're both 17, and he's my first crush, first boyfriend and first love. Even tho I've never been in a relationship before, I'm 100% it is love.
He makes me feel happy, special and wanted, we have so much in common and he always cheers me up.
We've "survived" the first huge fight already, something that made me all the more worried because I kinda relied on us to break up from a fight or something.
Up until that fight, I thought we won't survive reality test, and that when he'' come visit we won't have the same chemistry and it'll be awkward. But now I realize that what we have is real, and strong and probably won't fade of its own, and it made it impossible for me not to think about how the hell are we going to pull this off.
That's all I can think of all day.. how I'm going to have to sneak behind my parents' back his entire visit, what rage their going to be put in if they found out, how I'm (possibly) not going to live in Israel, and how I'm going to be far from my sisters.
Apparently Islam allows the man to marry a not-muslim woman, but judaism won't allow it, so it means no jewish wedding..
I don't know what to do, he once suggested he'll convert his religion for me but I don't want him to.. he's muslim and even tho he doesn't believe in any god, he'll never feel like he's a jew. That's not a reason to convert and it'll only lead to resentment in the future..
I know this is thinking way too much, I mean we're only 17.. but if I'm in a relationship that won't lead anywhere.. why wasting my emotions and time? I don't want to wake up after 5 years (probably when I'm even more attached) and realize it won't work..
I don't even know how to start that talk with him.. he's so open-minded and ready to leave his family to live in England or something, always says it doesn't bother him and the only important thing is that we love each other, and I'm just.. it's not that it matters to me, I couldn't care less that he's muslim.. but I don't want to disappoint my parents, be far from my sisters, and even tho I fantasized of living abroad it was never something I seriously considered, I love my country. What a talk with him will achieve anyway? I don't want to hurt his feelings..
any advice?

[xxcazaxx]

Hi
You know I think that if you ended the relationship purely based on religion and worrying about what other people may or may not think that you would regret it in the future. Deep down all that parents really want is for their children to be happy. Personally I think that the fact that he is willing to convert his religion for you is a big thing and shows that he is committed to making the relationship work. Just my thoughts.

[tal_shemesh]

Hi
You know I think that if you ended the relationship purely based on religion and worrying about what other people may or may not think that you would regret it in the future. Deep down all that parents really want is for their children to be happy. Personally I think that the fact that he is willing to convert his religion for you is a big thing and shows that he is committed to making the relationship work. Just my thoughts.

You never met my parents then.. They've always been very strict in raising me and my sisters... they even tried to convince my sister to not get engaged to her fiance because he's not religious ENOUGH, but at the end they joked and said "well at least he's a jew".. They have strong prejudice against anyone that isn't jewish and even feel some kind of superiority over non-jewish people.. which I obviously don't get.
But except for the religious part, they put everything they have in raising me and my sisters, gave us everything and always put us first. I love my family more than anything and really close to all of them..
And I know I'll regret it.. I just don't want to stay in this relationship only to end it later on, and regret it even more.
We are both really committed to this relationship and want to make it work, but him converting isn't an option, I'd rather end it. It'll be selfish of me to tell him to convert without any compromising on my side..

[C.C.]

I would advise you to think A LOT about this.
There are things that can get in the way of a relationship despite how much the couple loves each other. In my opinion, religion and not really wanting to leave your place can be one of them.
Your case is tricky though, as you yourself have no problem without the religion. However, it's good that you are thinking about all this and that you are being realistic about it all.

Also consider that you are young. Things might change, you might actually want to leave your country, you might realise that your own happiness is more important than your parents' approval. No one knows. Or these might be the things that never change.

And one last thing to consider. Are you sure about not wanting to try something that's bound to end? Are you sure it's not worth it to have an amazing experience either way and just enjoy the thing while it lasts?

In the end, you also have to discuss it with your SO, I have no idea how you should bring it up with him, but it is something you definitely should until these thoughts and worries start eating you from the inside.

[tal_shemesh]

I would advise you to think A LOT about this.
There are things that can get in the way of a relationship despite how much the couple loves each other. In my opinion, religion and not really wanting to leave your place can be one of them.
Your case is tricky though, as you yourself have no problem without the religion. However, it's good that you are thinking about all this and that you are being realistic about it all.

Also consider that you are young. Things might change, you might actually want to leave your country, you might realise that your own happiness is more important than your parents' approval. No one knows. Or these might be the things that never change.

And one last thing to consider. Are you sure about not wanting to try something that's bound to end? Are you sure it's not worth it to have an amazing experience either way and just enjoy the thing while it lasts?

In the end, you also have to discuss it with your SO, I have no idea how you should bring it up with him, but it is something you definitely should until these thoughts and worries start eating you from the inside.

Is there a point in starting something's that bound to end?.. Leading him think that I'm completely fine with the situation and then at some point end it? It's not fair to him.. and meanwhile, so much can go wrong (my parents can find out while he visits).. I mean if I decide I want this relationship and let it last for now, I'm already risking getting caught..

[C.C.]

Is there a point in starting something's that bound to end?.. Leading him think that I'm completely fine with the situation and then at some point end it? It's not fair to him.. and meanwhile, so much can go wrong (my parents can find out while he visits).. I mean if I decide I want this relationship and let it last for now, I'm already risking getting caught..

No I didn't say to lead him on. That'd be awful. I meant IF he knows about the situation and if you both still try it, while being aware that it might not go anywhere, it might not be as bad.
As for things going wrong, yeah. It's a tricky situation, you have to decide what's better by considering all the ups and downs and whether it's worth it despite it or not.
But I don't know, discuss it with him as well. I don't think it's fair to either of you to decide this on your own.

[Elizabeth123]

I think you should concentrate on yourself. You are still growing and have a lot of important matters to consider. Are you going to finish your education? What type of career are you looking into? How will you live once you leave home? Right now enjoy getting to know your friend and maybe he could plan a visit during the summer to meet you in person? From your post you seem to value your family very much...don't ignore your needs.