Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

LDR over, advice appreciated

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    LDR over, advice appreciated

    Hello everyone,

    I've posted on this site a couple of times but could do with a final bit of advice. To cut a long story short we managed about 5 weeks since she left, she cheated on me (and told me straight away), I took her back but things broke down after she admitted that she doesn't want me to visit her and that was that. It was a difficult phone call and she cried but I can't help but feel that she said what she said to spare my feelings a little bit. She insists that she wants me as part of her life still to which I immediately decline (in the short term at least) and she tells me that there is a chance that we can be together again and that's what gets me. I feel like she has just said that to spare me. My current course of action is zero contact (hide her from all social media etc) and just move on. I really want to talk to her still but I feel that that would only hinder my healing. We broke up recently and I've been coping but the idea of her being with someone else is just such a terrible terrible thought, I tell myself that if I am to move on it shouldn't matter what she does now but I'd just appreciate some tips on dealing with these horrible thoughts!

    To make matters slightly more complicated after she told me she'd cheated on me I did exactly the same thing, I slept with my another girl (another ex). And I must say at the time it felt like it meant nothing but now I'm confused and feel like it might mean something a little more. She has always been very supportive of me and we are good together (the reason we broke up was due to me moving away for about 5 months). Now we see a lot of each other but I'm not sure if forging ahead with her is fair for her or me at the moment. I think it would make me much happier and the idea of giving it another shot is appealing but with all the emotions going through my head is it better to take 5 and focus on working on myself before I think about entering another relationship?

    #2
    If you want it to work with this other girl, then definitely take some time to heal from your previous relationship. The only thing you're looking at in your current state is a rebound, which unfortunately tends to have consequences for any real relationship.

    Comment


      #3
      Long distance can be hard. I cheated on my ex over the distance, too (but we had problems before she left).

      Should you be in close contact with your recent ex? Probably not. There will be too much drama and feelings there, especially if she holds open the door of dating in the future.

      Seeing images of the other person cheating is usual, apparently. Perhaps you will still feel this way for a while, but if you process your relationship they can fade and turn into the past.

      If you feel supported by your lover/ex/possably future SO you might do that. But it is also a situation where you felt lonely and the feeling of closeness may stick or it may not. If you choose to date her, just be sure you tell here where you stand and you still need to process the breakup. It depens on how you work, really. When I dated my husband, it worked very well for me to do that while trying to forget my ex, because it was somehow like a sex with someone new was erasing those memories. I did all the work and it took a long time.

      Either way, I wish you luck.
      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

      Comment


        #4
        As you put it..."take 5"...take care of yourself and focus on healing. It's too soon to jump straight into another relationship. If your first ex is still interested she will wait until you are ready.

        Comment


          #5
          Thanks for all the advice, generally I think I'll try and give it some time as my feelings are still all over the place at the moment. After unfollowing my recent exs social media I realise that moment I can follow her/look at her profile and might find whatever that'll be the day when I'll know I'm truly over her. She made me promise to talk to her when I felt ready and she values my friendship and didn't want to throw away a fun past for what's happened recently. These could of course be comforting words and may be lies but I think it's something I'll do when I'm ready to do it. Until then I'll continue to hang around with my other ex but as you say if there is to be anything there then it certainly should take a bit of time. It seems such a shame that everything has gone down as it has but I guess it's an important life lesson and one I'm sure after a while I will learn a great deal from. Again thanks for the suggestions/advice.

          Comment


            #6
            Hey zallen239
            Let this situation motivate you! I know this hurts but let the hurt, fuel you into becoming the absolute best version of yourself. Let this be the BIGGEST mistake of her life, she will never find another man like you. In my personal opinion you should've never taken her back, but you did right by blocking her on all social media. and I don't believe you should've went back to your ex. Look I've been in a ldr for a year now and we still have 2-3 years left before we're permanently reunited. For you guys to break up because you was moving away for 5 month, isn't a good look, and should tell you something.

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by appleman View Post
              Hey zallen239
              Let this situation motivate you! I know this hurts but let the hurt, fuel you into becoming the absolute best version of yourself. Let this be the BIGGEST mistake of her life, she will never find another man like you. In my personal opinion you should've never taken her back, but you did right by blocking her on all social media. and I don't believe you should've went back to your ex. Look I've been in a ldr for a year now and we still have 2-3 years left before we're permanently reunited. For you guys to break up because you was moving away for 5 month, isn't a good look, and should tell you something.
              This post is over a year old, and the OP hasn't logged back in since then, I doubt he'll see this

              Comment

              Working...
              X