How to confront a not so loyal SO

[Cass Medy]

Everyone, hello! I've already written my problem here. A month ago I guess.
I and my SO confessed that we love each other. But I'm not sure if we're already in a relationship or we just merely having mutual feelings towards each other.
We met in skout. Last week, I asked him if he still has his account there.

Me: Hm are you still in skout?
Him: Yeah
Me: Hm do you.. hm nevermind hahaha
Him: If you're thinking about that thing..my answer is no. I don't.

Well, apparently, we're referring to him looking for cute girls there and he said no.
BUT. a few days after. I decided to make a new skout account to talk to him.. and I saw him again. The difference is, I'm using a dummy account. I know it's pathetic to make a dummy account and do a small investigation. But what can I do. I trust him but there are times that I'm getting paranoid you know.
So we chatted there and this point of the conversation arose:

Me: I guess youre good looking, why you here? No girlfriend? No special someone?
Him: Nah they arent my type


This broke me a lot. And there's this time that he told me that he's going to sleep..when the truth is he's talking to the 'other me'.


WHAT SHOULD I DO? He's in Korea now and by the end of the month, he'll be back
to the USA to finish university. We manage to talk every day since the time difference is only 1 hour. But when he gets back to the USA, itll be 15hours.


What I have in my mind right now is to confront on July 30th.
And kinda break up with him on that day too.. should I?

PS: I've been crying for a few nights now. He doesn't know how much I love him. And thinking that I won't really be able to meet him is hell. He's planning to come to my place by next year after graduating and having a job.

[differentcountries]

Ok, so you are not in a relationship, so you dont dare ask the question if you should be.

You get jealous by the idea that he talks to other women.

THEN you use a dummy account to try to LURE your interest/boyfriend into saying that he is interested in other girls.

You talk to him, and all you "find out" is that he tells a stranger that he is not single (at least that is how you interpret it). If this is you best example of him flirting with other women (ie you), he is not really out and about. In fact, he seems as vague with "New you" as with the "Old you".

Why not be straight with him? No silly games. Tell him you would like to date him proper and the you prefer him to not have any sort of flirting engaging with other women, to respect that you are dating.

You say he doesnt know how much you love him. I am guessing that is because you just sit on the fence and are not vocal about what you feel about him and how you would like your communication to be. I also don't think what you did (setting up a trap for him) was very loving towards him (or you), but you can change.

[Elizabeth123]

It's work to have a relationship. Both of you need to talk and you've made it harder on yourself by making a "dummy" account. If you both can't communicate then it's not a real relationship. Children play games that hurt each other...maybe you'll learn from this..

[hmrambling]

Well, there are a lot of things going on here.

I met my gf on match. We dated for a few weeks, and then we had discussions about exclusivity and shutting down the match accounts. Had either of us been on match to see what else was out there before we had talks of exclusivity or shutting down the match accounts, then I doubt neither of us would have been really hurt.

Communication is key.

Making fake accounts and pretending to be another person is not honest or direct. I wouldn't have done that to my partner in good conscience. To do that would be trying to start the relationship off on the wrong foot. Deceit and dishonesty is not a good way to start a relationship.

Be honest. Be direct.

If he is not ready to be exclusive, accept that he's not ready.

If he's not that into you, accept that.

I doubt I would pursue anything any further with someone who deceived me by making a fake account.

And there's this time that he told me that he's going to sleep..when the truth is he's talking to the 'other me'.

Are you upset because he is being dishonest to you? You are being dishonest to him by having a fake account and communicating with him on the fake account.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

You know the saying "if you go looking for trouble you're going to find it"? You went looking and no matter what happened from that point on, you made your bed. Why do you want to be in a relationship with someone you can't trust? And if you say that you do trust him, I highly doubt that because there would be no reason to start a dummy account to find out if your SO is cheating if you really did trust him. I can't tell you what to do, but there is a reason you made that account and while I think that some of that is insecurity within yourself, a bigger part is not trusting your SO. I don't know about you, but I couldn't be in a relationship like that. It's time for you to figure out if you can. If you can? Great! Have an honest conversation with him and figure things out. You're obviously upset and the dummy account is going to come out one way or another because you're going to want real answers eventually, so I highly suggest just telling him. He will be upset though. And if you can't be with him? Well, you found your answer. Best of luck to you.

[inday101]

Any update from TS?

[erwin1973]

Any update from TS?

Why reply to a one year unused thread?

[inday101]

Coz I'm kind of in a similar situation

[Moon]

Coz I'm kind of in a similar situation

It would be better for you to open up your own thread, This one had been dead for a year, and it's been a long time since the OP has even logged in. I don't think you'll get much help, or updates from this one.