Is there potential here?

[AgentB]

I was recently on a trip to Iceland, which was amazing for several reasons, and I also met a guy there who I really got smitten with.
We met at a bar the first Friday night I was there, I started talking with him, we hit it off and he invited me to go bar hopping with his friends.
I had an amazing time - and he was a gent and walked me back to my hostel afterwards and I got his contact info.

I was unsure whether or not to get in touch with him after but a few days later I felt compelled to - so I did. We chatted off and on that week as I was road tripping around the country. I didn't expect anything though.

The following Friday night he asked me if I was back in town and if I wanted to hang out - I was close enough that I said sure, and went and we had another great date, he brought me along to meet his brother in law and gf, they were so kind and welcoming, and then we went out to bars again and got to know each other better. He knew that my flight was the next day - and after staying out till 5am I went over to his place and we slept together for the first time.

The next morning I had to return my rental car and get to the airport - he came along with me and stayed with me through the car rental return and until I caught my shuttle bus. I gave him a big kiss and said goodbye. I honestly had no expectations. I expected this would be a fling and that was it.

But he was messaging me already when I was on the bus, and as soon as I got back home I had messages from him. He added me on Facebook a few days later and we kept chatting a lot, the next Friday night we even stayed up almost all night again talking online.

I felt so strongly about this that I wanted so badly to go back. It just felt like my trip was cut so drastically short and I really wanted to see him again. I really wanted to invite him to come visit me but I chickened out. I hinted at it but could never bring myself to actually invite him.
But I loved Iceland so much and there are a lot of things that I didn't get to do there so for many reasons, I've decided to book a flight back for January.

And yes, he knows! But I'm a bit worried now.... the past week or two we haven't been chatting as much :-( I've largely initiated but he's been a lot quieter and I don't know if that's just because he's passive or not interested any more. (Icelandic guys do have a reputation for being more reserved, and it's a gender role reversal where women largely initiate). We definitely aren't talking as much in those first 1-3 weeks after I got back home (it's now been about 5 weeks), and this has me worried that he's lost interest.

Am I crazy? I know for the weeks after I just had this really strong desire to go back and now I've made plans to. But it was only two dates, it's not like we declared we're in a relationship, and I was just pleasantly surprised that he wanted to keep in touch after what I thought would just be a fling. I'm just kind of worried that things are uncertain now, and that things will be different when I go back there in January. I mean, I know I am going for other reasons than just a guy (I genuinely love their culture and the country, and want to see more of the things I had to miss).

Is he interested, or am I barking up the wrong tree?

[R&R]

Welcome to LFAD. It sounds like you had a great time on your trip and the two of you parted as friends.

Only he can tell you if there is any potential for anything beyond a friendship. He may just be a very sweet person who makes friends easily and enjoyed your company and wanted to stay in touch. If you go back to Iceland, then you can let him know you will be visiting and see what he says. At this point, I would look at it as having made a new friend but not much more than that.

[AgentB]

Welcome to LFAD. It sounds like you had a great time on your trip and the two of you parted as friends.

Only he can tell you if there is any potential for anything beyond a friendship. He may just be a very sweet person who makes friends easily and enjoyed your company and wanted to stay in touch. If you go back to Iceland, then you can let him know you will be visiting and see what he says. At this point, I would look at it as having made a new friend but not much more than that.

Thank you :-)

Yes, he is a very sweet and friendly person. Sometimes a bit hard to read romantically (even when I was there, the week between our two dates I was really unsure if he had a crush on me the way I did on him - turns out he did). He is a bit shy and reserved, and even told me he thinks Icelanders are reserved compared to North Americans. I wouldn't know that he liked me at all if I hadn't been the more outgoing one.

I've booked my flight for January, which I told him about, and he said "Very nice, very nice :-)" and asked me what date I'll be back, and I told him. So, he knows I'm coming back and when :-)

[differentcountries]

It is true, Scandinavian women do a large part of the pursuing themselves and Scandinavian guys are not generally expected to "woo" women in this sense - it is actually considered a bit odd if they do. It is interesting that you ask if you are friends or more, because "hiding" in friendship is usually the way people pick up each other if they are not drunk . Scandi people usually have no shame about one night stands and dont think about it in polite terms. If he bothers to stay in touch with you, he is probably romantically interested.

Also, "very nice, very nice" in a Nordic language can roughly be translated to "that is simply fantastic"

[lucybelle]

Did you tell him you'd like to see him? Or that you booked the ticket to specifically spend time with him? That might give you a better read of if he is interested.

(This also sounds very much like how I got with my SO. Met at a bar, I came back to my country two weeks later, we continued to email once a week or so, about a year later I went back & spent nearly the whole time with him, etc etc. Lots more happened but we're married nearly 4 years now.)

[AgentB]

It is true, Scandinavian women do a large part of the pursuing themselves and Scandinavian guys are not generally expected to "woo" women in this sense - it is actually considered a bit odd if they do. It is interesting that you ask if you are friends or more, because "hiding" in friendship is usually the way people pick up each other if they are not drunk . Scandi people usually have no shame about one night stands and dont think about it in polite terms. If he bothers to stay in touch with you, he is probably romantically interested.

Also, "very nice, very nice" in a Nordic language can roughly be translated to "that is simply fantastic"

Thank you, differentcountries! This gives me hope :-D.

Can you elaborate on what you mean about "hiding" in friendship?

Haha, and glad to hear that "very nice, very nice" translates to simply fantastic - honestly, I was hoping he'd be a little more excited when I told him I booked a flight back, but again is that just his Icelandic reservation showing up?

Honestly, I am still a bit torn right now. We are not talking every couple of days like we did when I first got back home 5 weeks ago. It's more like once a week, and usually it's me initiating the conversations. On Fri night I sent him a message and he responded, but when I responded yesterday morning he didn't reply back (usually we get into a conversation when I message him) which bummed me out a little :-(

Conventional North American advice to a woman in this situation would be to pull back, give him space and let him come to me. But... since there is obviously a cultural difference, I'm worried that if I stop talking to him all together he'll think that means I'm not interested any more. Since you're from Norway, what would a Scandinavian woman do? :-D

[AgentB]

Did you tell him you'd like to see him? Or that you booked the ticket to specifically spend time with him? That might give you a better read of if he is interested.

(This also sounds very much like how I got with my SO. Met at a bar, I came back to my country two weeks later, we continued to email once a week or so, about a year later I went back & spent nearly the whole time with him, etc etc. Lots more happened but we're married nearly 4 years now.)

Hi lucybelle, I haven't directly told him I'd like to see him again but I've very strongly implied it by letting him know I really want to go back, keeping him in the loop of my plans for accommodation and flight etc. It's funny, while I was there I was being incredibly direct with him (which was super liberating!) but since I got home I've slid into my old habit of being a bit more shy. And, since I've been so unsure of where we stand, I wanted to make sure I had other reasons to go back too. I probably *should* be more direct again about wanting to spend time with him while there

And....wow! Amazing story! That also gives me hope A year is a long time to stay in touch before seeing him again! Did you see him at all during that year?

I guess if it's truly meant to be... it'll happen no matter how long it takes :-)

[differentcountries]

Thank you, differentcountries! This gives me hope :-D.

Can you elaborate on what you mean about "hiding" in friendship?

Haha, and glad to hear that "very nice, very nice" translates to simply fantastic - honestly, I was hoping he'd be a little more excited when I told him I booked a flight back, but again is that just his Icelandic reservation showing up?

Honestly, I am still a bit torn right now. We are not talking every couple of days like we did when I first got back home 5 weeks ago. It's more like once a week, and usually it's me initiating the conversations. On Fri night I sent him a message and he responded, but when I responded yesterday morning he didn't reply back (usually we get into a conversation when I message him) which bummed me out a little :-(

Conventional North American advice to a woman in this situation would be to pull back, give him space and let him come to me. But... since there is obviously a cultural difference, I'm worried that if I stop talking to him all together he'll think that means I'm not interested any more. Since you're from Norway, what would a Scandinavian woman do? :-D

Hiding in friendship means you dont verbalize your relation (you just "hang" until you in a pretty established relationship - people dont "date"). He might not know what to say. Nordic guys are typically doers, more than talkers. If you stop talking to him, he will probably feel rejected - and not take any "hint" from you to pursue you - he will think you are signalling you are not that interested.

My Turkish SO was kind of freaked out that I took so much initiative in the beginning of our relationship - I was acting very reciprocally Nordic (he started pursuing me, so I figured I would let him know I really liked him back. Any local guy would want to know!). Scandi women have no shame in pursuing the guy/showing interest, as long as they act a little relaxed about it.

Did you see this? : https://blogs.transparent.com/icelan...ance-a-viking/

[AgentB]

Hiding in friendship means you dont verbalize your relation (you just "hang" until you in a pretty established relationship - people dont "date"). He might not know what to say. Nordic guys are typically doers, more than talkers. If you stop talking to him, he will probably feel rejected - and not take any "hint" from you to pursue you - he will think you are signalling you are not that interested.

My Turkish SO was kind of freaked out that I took so much initiative in the beginning of our relationship - I was acting very reciprocally Nordic (he started pursuing me, so I figured I would let him know I really liked him back. Any local guy would want to know!). Scandi women have no shame in pursuing the guy/showing interest, as long as they act a little relaxed about it.

Ahhh, thank you. That's all super helpful to know!

So, I guess I shouldn't take it personally if he hasn't taken the initiative to message me?

It's funny, here in North America it's completely the opposite - if a guy didn't message me for a while I would take it to mean he wasn't interested and might feel a little rejected, if I liked him. :-) (which is sort of how I've been feeling)

Also funny that when I was there I was completely taking charge and just going for what I wanted and being very direct with him - without knowing that's common for women there :-D It was honestly super refreshing! I got to choose which guy I was interested in and didn't have to ward off any creeps!

Thanks for the link! Fun article! When I go back there in Jan/Feb I'll be there for Valentine's Day and women's day :-)

[C.C.]

You'll be surprised to see how different Nordic culture really is especially from American one.
Best of luck :3

[Bee'sknees]

I'm Nordic myself and I can confirm that we can be very quiet, lol. So I wouldn't necessarily read too much into how talkative and active he is and all that. When I met my SO, I'd send him messages with one word in it and our Skype calls were fairly awkward cause I was just so quiet. I answered when he asked something but I didn't really take the iniative with the conversation. I still do the short messages but I've managed to get myself to talk on Skype. I'm just happy that he didn't think that I wasn't interested because of that. That could've easily been the case with my communication. We're kind of just raised here not to talk about our feelings and be fairly passive in general especially with communication. It gets better over time when we really know the person, but it can take a while. I'm obviously not Icelandic but my good friend is, and our cultures aren't that different really. You can only imagine how difficult it would be to date other Nordics, lol.

[C.C.]

I'm Nordic myself and I can confirm that we can be very quiet, lol. So I wouldn't necessarily read too much into how talkative and active he is and all that. When I met my SO, I'd send him messages with one word in it and our Skype calls were fairly awkward cause I was just so quiet. I answered when he asked something but I didn't really take the iniative with the conversation. I still do the short messages but I've managed to get myself to talk on Skype. I'm just happy that he didn't think that I wasn't interested because of that. That could've easily been the case with my communication. We're kind of just raised here not to talk about our feelings and be fairly passive in general especially with communication. It gets better over time when we really know the person, but it can take a while. I'm obviously not Icelandic but my good friend is, and our cultures aren't that different really. You can only imagine how difficult it would be to date other Nordics, lol.

Even the women? I mean compared to other cultures yes but I always got an idea that it was more ok for women to express their feelings compared to men. Way more ok

[Bee'sknees]

Even the women? I mean compared to other cultures yes but I always got an idea that it was more ok for women to express their feelings compared to men. Way more ok

It's more acceptable for women, but still way less than maybe other cultures. Obviously there are exceptions, but for example it's not that common to even say 'I love you' within your own immediate family. We usually express love more by doing nice things, not necessarily say it, if you know what I mean. I used to really struggle to tell my SO that I love him if someone else was within an earshot, just because I'm not used to saying it. And crying is the same. A lot of people don't want to cry in front of others cause it's just uncomfortable for everyone involved. That's why I always try to contain myself when we part ways, cause I don't want anyone to see my tears lol.

[AgentB]

I'm Nordic myself and I can confirm that we can be very quiet, lol. So I wouldn't necessarily read too much into how talkative and active he is and all that. When I met my SO, I'd send him messages with one word in it and our Skype calls were fairly awkward cause I was just so quiet. I answered when he asked something but I didn't really take the iniative with the conversation. I still do the short messages but I've managed to get myself to talk on Skype. I'm just happy that he didn't think that I wasn't interested because of that. That could've easily been the case with my communication. We're kind of just raised here not to talk about our feelings and be fairly passive in general especially with communication. It gets better over time when we really know the person, but it can take a while. I'm obviously not Icelandic but my good friend is, and our cultures aren't that different really. You can only imagine how difficult it would be to date other Nordics, lol.

Bee'sknees, thank you :-)

I'm relieved to hear that this is just a cultural thing and not necessarily because he's not interested :-) I messaged him last night and we had a nice long chat on Snapchat / Facebook. He's usually pretty talkative and reciprocal when I message him and we usually end up talking for a while, it's just that I'm usually the one initiating lately (tho he did initiate as well when I was there - I was the one that started talking to him at the bar but he invited me out with his friends and bought me drinks; And invited me to hang out the next Friday). Getting used to accepting that this is not a bad thing!

I'm just hoping he won't have a girlfriend already by the time I go back in January - it's about 6 weeks away!

Hahah, yes indeed, how on earth would a Nordic date another Nordic if you're both so shy? I used to be quite shy myself but have learned to overcome it.... I know for sure this relationship wouldn't have happened at all if I hadn't been gutsy

[Bee'sknees]

Bee'sknees, thank you :-)

I'm relieved to hear that this is just a cultural thing and not necessarily because he's not interested :-) I messaged him last night and we had a nice long chat on Snapchat / Facebook. He's usually pretty talkative and reciprocal when I message him and we usually end up talking for a while, it's just that I'm usually the one initiating lately (tho he did initiate as well when I was there - I was the one that started talking to him at the bar but he invited me out with his friends and bought me drinks; And invited me to hang out the next Friday). Getting used to accepting that this is not a bad thing!

I'm just hoping he won't have a girlfriend already by the time I go back in January - it's about 6 weeks away!

Hahah, yes indeed, how on earth would a Nordic date another Nordic if you're both so shy? I used to be quite shy myself but have learned to overcome it.... I know for sure this relationship wouldn't have happened at all if I hadn't been gutsy

I'm sure it'll be just fine! I'd probably just make sure that he definitely knows that you want to see him while you're there and all that. You should be quite frank about it.

Haha, well clearly my previous relationships didn't work out with fellow Finns. Probably not so much a cultural issue, I just managed to pick up completely wrong dudes. But yeah, it can be a bit frustrating when they're not opening up and you just have to guess if they're interested or not. Fun times, lol.