Feeling Distrust from girlfriend

[Unleash]

Hello,

Me and my girlfriend are in a long distance relationship since 6 months, we met on a game online. I visited her country and we really had a great time. After the visit eventually things started to change, before the visit she used to spend time with me until midnight but now a days she falls sleep on my face really early like at 10 while we are on video calls.

Basically, I work nights and she works during the day. Due to the lack of communication I changed my work schedule to day after a lot of hassles so that we can spend quality time together. But now she falls sleep everyday at 10 even though she plans to spend the time with me, she tells me that she can't control her sleep. This frequent behaviour of her makes me frustrated as our plans gets washed out due to her sleeping issues.

2 week before, we planned a Saturday night to spend together on video call at 10. She kept me waiting for 2 hours while she was playing video games with an other guy and I was mad at her because of this. She sent me some sorry balloons the immediate day with some chocolates and told me that she was behaving like a kid because she lost the games and wanted to win them, which made her to kept me waiting. This incident made me feel betrayed and I was hurt. I spoke to her about her sleeping issues and her spending time with this guy. She told me that she will work out on these issues and she will not contact the guy again.

Next day, I was still frustrated with her yesterday's behavior and I spoke to the guy with whom she was playing yesterday night and he told me that she spoke to him again for an hour or so about the issues happening between us and our relationship. I felt literally heart broken and I broke up with her coz she spoke to the guy even after telling me she won't do it. She convinced me next day saying that her life is messed up and she doesn't know how to react and prioritize the things in her life.

I love her the most and accepted her apologies by letting her know that I will breakup with her if I see her talking to that guy again.

2 weeks passed and we still have her sleeping issues coming in between our relationship and she says she is going to fix it but she is not making any efforts to overcome it. Day before Yesterday she fell asleep on me while video calling for 20 minutes making me frustrated. Yesterday, I woke up late for my work and forgot my phone at home in a hurry, I was supposed to work 15 hours but I ended my work after 7 hours as I was missing her. Went home to check my phone finding few missed calls from her and texts saying me not to be mad at her because she fell asleep on me.

I texted her back saying I forgot my phone at home and her reply was just "okay my love." she didn't tell me that she missed me and all that like what she used to before if we missed communication for few hours. The next text I got from her was that she was at a work party and would be home by 12 (she told me few days before that she will be returning back by 9). I went back to work thinking that I'll be home after an hour she arrives home.
After squeezing my time out from work, I called her and she was talking to me while playing video games, I felt disrespectful as we didn't had any conversation for the whole week and she was talking to me while playing video games as if it was her priority.
I went back home to check the gaming history to find that she again ended up playing with the same guy with whom we had issues.

I was mad at her for doing this to me and eventually broke up for not prioritizing me. I love her a lot and am looking for her to prioritize me in her life which she is lacking. I am wondering if my decision to breakup with her was a right one?

[R&R]

You were together for 6 months and found out that this may not be the relationship for you. That's what dating is about. You learn about each other, figure out if it's going to work and turn into something long term. You learn about each others behaviors and how they deal with issues that come up in a relationship.

One thing I tell people is don't expect that because you will treat a person a certain way or that you will respond a certain way that the other person will as well. They are their own person. That being said, you don't have to stay in a situation if you don't feel you are compatible or if you aren't getting what you need. There are times of compromise in a relationship, but it's not going to happen on everything.

The fact that she lied to you, that would bother me. A relationship is based on trust and she has broken that trust. She's talking to another person about your problems instead of you. I would take this as a lesson learned and move forward on your own. Trust me, there are 7 billion people in the world, which at least half are women. You will find someone else.

[Unleash]

She puts me in a great confusion by telling me that she loves me a lot, I've made her a better person in her life. She says that she will not repeat certain things that hurt me, makes sure that it'll not repeat for few days and she does it again.

Her crying and never letting go attitude makes me to accept her apologies and get back to her, but every time she does the things that causes distrust breaks me apart, crushes my heart.

I asked her for a break yesterday she accepted it as it was a deal between us that if she talks to that guy again we are breaking up but still she wants to stick around as a friend, she's texting me and I'm not comfortable with it because I can't pretend to be normal after she breaking my heart. I spoke to her about how I am feeling yesterday, her reply to this was that she completely understands my feelings, she doesn't deserve to ask for apologies and that she will prove me with her actions that she loves me.

[R&R]

She puts me in a great confusion by telling me that she loves me a lot, I've made her a better person in her life. She says that she will not repeat certain things that hurt me, makes sure that it'll not repeat for few days and she does it again.

Her crying and never letting go attitude makes me to accept her apologies and get back to her, but every time she does the things that causes distrust breaks me apart, crushes my heart.

I asked her for a break yesterday she accepted it as it was a deal between us that if she talks to that guy again we are breaking up but still she wants to stick around as a friend, she's texting me and I'm not comfortable with it because I can't pretend to be normal after she breaking my heart. I spoke to her about how I am feeling yesterday, her reply to this was that she completely understands my feelings, she doesn't deserve to ask for apologies and that she will prove me with her actions that she loves me.

Her words and her actions don't match. Trust her actions as they are telling you the truth. Apologies mean nothing if actions don't change. It's just giving lip service to make you stay around even though she doesn't mean it.

If you aren't comfortable with the texting right now, then block her. She has no regard for your feelings, your wishes or the boundries you have set. She says okay but then completely disrespects what you have asked for. She knows it is hurting you, yet she continues. You don't hurt the one you love.

[Unleash]

Thank you R&R for your valuable comments and they mean a lot to me.

I still want to give her a chance but I think it's not worth it. I will let the time decide, she has the lead now. If she thinks I am worth, she will revert back.

[R&R]

Thank you R&R for your valuable comments and they mean a lot to me.

I still want to give her a chance but I think it's not worth it. I will let the time decide, she has the lead now. If she thinks I am worth, she will revert back.

No, no and no. YOU have to decide that YOU are worth being treated with love, respect, and honesty. Never allow someone to determine your worth and don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket. She has already proven to you how you will be treated - so why do you need more proof? You are setting yourself up for more heartache.

When you enter it or continue it with eyes wide open to the situation, then you can't complain about how you are treated. You are fully capable of walking away from a bad relationship.

[Unleash]

I know I am being mistreated and the only thing that I've asked for in our relationship was time and care. She is blaming her work schedule for not providing enough time for our relationship. It's really hard to let her go, got a call from her few minutes ago, I didn't wanted to answer but I did eventually. She wished me good morning and asked me if I can play some video games with her and I told her that I am not comfortable playing with her anymore.

I know I have to take care of myself in this relationship but it's really hard to let her go

[R&R]

It is very hard. I did an LDR off an on with a man for 8 years. Oh, he told me he loved me and wanted us to get married, etc, etc. He was controlling of my every move and I let him have that control. In the end, we broke it off because he got another woman pregnant. Even after that, it was hard to let go. I was so sure that he would change for me, be the person he was in the beginning, etc. It didn't happen. Within the last 12 months he contacted me and wanted me to cheat on my SO with him because "if that's all we can have, I can be content with that". All these years later and he still doesn't get it.

That was the relationship that finally made me realize that I had to be happy on my own. I was allowed to say no to bad behavior and I was allowed to expect to be treated properly. It is okay for me to be happy and want a functional relationship with my partner. It is okay to expect my partner to treat me with love, respect, care and to want to work together on issues. It's okay for me to end a relationship that isn't working. You are the only person in the entire world that you will spend your entire life with - make it a good life.

[Unleash]

It is very hard. I did an LDR off an on with a man for 8 years. Oh, he told me he loved me and wanted us to get married, etc, etc. He was controlling of my every move and I let him have that control. In the end, we broke it off because he got another woman pregnant. Even after that, it was hard to let go. I was so sure that he would change for me, be the person he was in the beginning, etc. It didn't happen. Within the last 12 months he contacted me and wanted me to cheat on my SO with him because "if that's all we can have, I can be content with that". All these years later and he still doesn't get it.

That was the relationship that finally made me realize that I had to be happy on my own. I was allowed to say no to bad behavior and I was allowed to expect to be treated properly. It is okay for me to be happy and want a functional relationship with my partner. It is okay to expect my partner to treat me with love, respect, care and to want to work together on issues. It's okay for me to end a relationship that isn't working. You are the only person in the entire world that you will spend your entire life with - make it a good life.

I completely understand what you're saying here. Thanks for the support, I'll keep posted if I think I can't move forward. You guys are amazing!

[rache82]

I do agree with everything here but want to add one thing. Whatever you decide, you can't blame her or anyone else in future of falling asleep when they do. If they're tired, they're tired. I could not force myself to stay up for anyone.
If the time isn't working because of this, you will have to come up with another solution; Yes, it's hard but to not get enough sleep is very unhealthy.

[snow]

I do agree with everything here but want to add one thing. Whatever you decide, you can't blame her or anyone else in future of falling asleep when they do. If they're tired, they're tired. I could not force myself to stay up for anyone.
If the time isn't working because of this, you will have to come up with another solution; Yes, it's hard but to not get enough sleep is very unhealthy.

I do feel like the problem with this is not that she falls asleep on him, but the sudden change in that. Why was she able to stay up until midnight before and not now? What changed that she suddenly can't stay up? And if she was really tired before and wouldn't voice that, then she needs to make that clear too.
This comes from someone who stayed up until 3am almost every single night when we were LD and the few times I was so tired I fell asleep on him, was when I exerted myself with a hard day at work, a lot of family stress or other things. This needs to be communicated.

[hmrambling]

A lot of times, we exert more energy (and find energy to exert) in the beginning of a relationship that simply isn't sustainable. When I first started dating my SO, we talked on the phone until midnight almost every night. As time passed, each of us told the other that we really need to be cutting conversations shorter because we each needed to get to bed. Now, we're usually wrapping up phone conversations shortly after 10pm or so... sometimes way before that. I've been training for a marathon and was in bed by 8:30 the other night, so I definitely wasn't talking to my SO on the phone.

There comes a time in healthy relationships that each person learns to convey their needs, whether it be rest or time alone or time to socialize with other people. I discuss with my partner about how I appreciate solitude, going out with friends, and rest. These are all priorities, as well as continuing to build my relationship with my partner.

Today, I can easily accept that I am unable to sustain the energy level that I first put into the relationship. It doesn't mean that I love my partner any less. It means that we have each defined our needs and priorities.

[rache82]

Oh I agree about communication wholeheartedly. But one should never deny another of their sleep and make them feel guilty because of falling asleep. Nothing has been mentioned but she could have a health issue for all we know - trust me, I know all about issues that make you fall asleep at the drop of a hat. I still don't like the fact that he's blaming her for falling asleep.

[erwin1973]

Oh I agree about communication wholeheartedly. But one should never deny another of their sleep and make them feel guilty because of falling asleep. Nothing has been mentioned but she could have a health issue for all we know - trust me, I know all about issues that make you fall asleep at the drop of a hat. I still don't like the fact that he's blaming her for falling asleep.

I don't think he is blaming her for falling asleep. It's just one of the issues arising.
What I got out of the story - and I may be wrong - is that before she didn't fall asleep, and immediately AFTER the visit, she did. What could have happened during his trip home... That sounds odd.

And all that, may be she is faking falling asleep to game with this other guy, right? Or she gets up that early in the morning to game with that guy, that at 10pm she's tipping over.

All in all, I think the girl in question should have been more honest, I think he did his best.

When my girl and me are chatting - we have a 7 hour time difference! - we agreed to send the other to bed at a certain time. And because I wake my lady at 4.30am, I send her to bed after dinner, and she does. Then she has some sleep before we chat again, and then she goes to sleep again - because she gets up so early.

[Lea005]

Well I guess I am the girl of the topic so I would like to spoke too...

First me falling asleep… Gg.. It’s true first day of our relationship we used to play DOTA and after we spoke and slept on call with time we stop playing because wanted to spend more time doing some other activities, and in the first months we were together I was unemployed so I could stay awake until really late no matter if I had to wake up at 7 cause I used to carry my baby boy to school and after that I could sleep a bit more in the morning. After a couple of months I found a job that’s in the other side of the city, anyway with the time the busy started to get busy and even I fell asleep a bit in the way back home with time I couldn’t and can’t be awake 2 consecutive nights until late because simply I can’t, even if I wanna stay awake my eyes closed and I realized that I fell asleep the other day at 2 am or 3amwhen I need to go to pee… And sometimes it’s very awkward because I had fell asleep when I put my baby to sleep. So it’s no that I don’t love him or I love him less I do love him and a lot (if u hunny r reading this you
know that I love you a lot and even more with each day that pass by)..

The issue of this boy my boyfriend is telling, well I started to talk to him because he had or have or idk a LDR too and we use to talk about that topic, later he was like asking some stuffs I felt were strange and told it to my boyfriend, he didn’t like it nevertheless he add him as a friend too and this boy knew Unleash and me were couple and how much I love my boyfriend (so no reason to feel jealousy).. Nowadays I don’t have any contact with this guy because my bf didn’t and doesn’t like me talking with him, but still my bf is looking the profile of this guy and he asks me about him (this fact bothers me a lot) and I always told him I don’t know about his life… See this guy doesn’t mean nothing to me he was a friend of games which who I used to share or talk about LDR, I quit his friendship because I REALLY LOVE MY BOYFRIEND.

Now I try to balance my timings between my child, my boyfriend and my work and of course house duties too…

Tbh, the First time I read this didn’t feel like posting anything but know that I saw so many people talking about me and judging me I felt I should wrote you back because I am of the idea that if something bothers you, you should tell to the person you love or at least a friend that knows about your life and that too have an idea of how is your partner..
Regards,
Lilian