I really don't know what to do...

[raysayro]

I'm still really young ldr wise. I'm 18 at this moment and have never had a relationship before this one. I've met the most amazing person online. Never had such a good connection before with someone. Only problem.. We'll have to wait at least 4 years before I can see him. He lives on a different continent and we both struggle with money. He's only 21 too and has to use the money to finish his entire college years as well. Another problem. Those 4 years aren't even set in stone. It's not even sure.

I know this feeling Ive started to develop is really selfish, but I have the feeling I'm wasting my youth like this. I have zero relationship experience physically wise and by the time those 4, mayb even 5 years are over, I feel like Ive indeed, wasted my young years. On the other side, If I go this route by searching someone else closer to me, Ive wasted an amazing relationship. I've no idea on what to do... Maintaining this amazing yet very unsure relationship meeting wise or should I invest instead of something unsure yet worthful if it succeeds. maybe it's only because I keep on reminding myself on the unsure future and also my wasted years of no form of physical contact at all.

I truly want to maintain this amazing relationship, so do you all have any tips for me to think more maturily into this problem, how to not worry about an unsure future and wasted youth. If I keep on with this mindset, things will definitely start to fall.

[Allurial]

I know this may not really help you decide but it ultimately is indeed in your hands. I was in my first LDR (Boston - Vancouver) right in the first year of college and we were monogamous, so it meant I saving it until we met. We had a lot of ups and downs, ultimately I was able to see him after three years. In the end it didn't work out but I don't regret my choice at all, and am in a much better LDR (Boston-New Orleans) now with someone who is a little closer.
I am not going to lie however, if I hadn't met my LDR now I wouldn't be able to find others to date as I am almost finished with college and the dating scene has changed a lot over three-four years. If you are happy in the relationship then keep it, for sure but if you aren't happy or you meet someone who you like in person during be honest with your partner. Let them know your concerns maybe they feel the same. Talking things out is always the answer!

[autumn1790]

Agreed with Allurial. I might add that don't discount the fact that life takes amazing turns and it very well might be sooner or even longer until you guys can meet. Only you can know if you're okay with that. And only you can decide if this relationship outweighs the other options. Best of luck!

[Chris516]

I'm still really young ldr wise. I'm 18 at this moment and have never had a relationship before this one. I've met the most amazing person online. Never had such a good connection before with someone. Only problem.. We'll have to wait at least 4 years before I can see him. He lives on a different continent and we both struggle with money. He's only 21 too and has to use the money to finish his entire college years as well. Another problem. Those 4 years aren't even set in stone. It's not even sure.

I know this feeling I've started to develop is really selfish, but I have the feeling I'm wasting my youth like this. I have zero relationship experience physically wise and by the time those 4, maybe even 5 years are over, I feel like I've indeed, wasted my young years. On the other side, If I go this route by searching someone else closer to me, I've wasted an amazing relationship. I've no idea on what to do... Maintaining this amazing yet very unsure relationship meeting wise or should I invest instead of something unsure yet worthy if it succeeds. maybe it's only because I keep on reminding myself on the unsure future and also my wasted years of no form of physical contact at all.

I truly want to maintain this amazing relationship, so do you all have any tips for me to think more maturely into this problem, how to not worry about an unsure future and wasted youth. If I keep on with this mindset, things will definitely start to fall.

Wasting your youth.....having feelings for someone is not wasting your youth.

Before you settle down with someone, you don't have to:

1. Travel the world
2. Experience life
3. Play the field

You can if you want to. But you don't have to.

Just because you have feelings for someone when you are a teen. Doesn't mean those feelings are wrong to have at that age.

So, Three cheers to you.

[Honour]

I have to say I agree with Chris. I was 17 when I had my first serious relationship, and whilst it didn't work out and it was extremely difficult, I learned a lot. I don't feel like I wasted any of my "youth," because I feel like I learned a lot about myself (strengths and weaknesses) and it gave me a better understanding of relationships. Like everyone else has said as well, indeed it is up to you in the end as we can't make your mind up for you. I don't think you'd be wasting your time... because sooner or later, you'll learn what relationships are about/what they're like.

[raysayro]

Thanks everyone for showing this amazing support. It really made me think more clear about my situation 😊
I've met this guy a few months ago who lived in the same country as me and was really scared that I would develop any feelings for him. A few days ago, he asked me to go on a date and since then. That really made me question my choices.... Giving up my current ldr, which has its ups and downs indeed, but overall. I'm still really happy with our relationship.

It would be selfish for me to end this all because I'm too curious for anything physical, like holding hands and simple things like that. Jumping into a new exciting relationship while hurting both of them in the process. Ill be using the closer person as a backup...

I'm not wasting any youth by learning how relationships are like and I'll learn from it after all.

Again, I truly appreciate all the advice ^^

[Rezie]

I have a few opinions about this. I don't think relationship is a waste of youth unless you feel like it is. I have to say that since I have no personal experience but being in a relationship with someone you haven't met and have no chance of meeting for a long time I would assume is super tough. Especially if you have no previous relationship or sexual experience. Youth itself is not about sex do you can experience youth in LDR unless you feel like dating etc. Is important part of youth.

-There is a possibility that you maintain contact without being in a relationship and in 4 years see if up guys wanna meet up and go from there

-you persue a relationship and if at some point you feel like you are wasting time then you break up. Not all relationships are suppose to end in marriage and kids.

- you start a relationship and set up rules on what is allowed. An open relatinship.

[lovestoread]

I know this may not really help you decide but it ultimately is indeed in your hands. I was in my first LDR (Boston - Vancouver) right in the first year of college and we were monogamous, so it meant I saving it until we met. We had a lot of ups and downs, ultimately I was able to see him after three years. In the end it didn't work out but I don't regret my choice at all, and am in a much better LDR (Boston-New Orleans) now with someone who is a little closer.
I am not going to lie however, if I hadn't met my LDR now I wouldn't be able to find others to date as I am almost finished with college and the dating scene has changed a lot over three-four years. If you are happy in the relationship then keep it, for sure but if you aren't happy or you meet someone who you like in person during be honest with your partner. Let them know your concerns maybe they feel the same. Talking things out is always the answer!

I agree,and just don't rush it,get to know him,that's the most importat thing is just getting to know him first and not rushing into anything.

[jarrybotter]

Youre 18 now, in 4 years you'll be 22/23. Im not entirely sure what you mean about wasting your youth but if "physically wise" means sex, then I find that a little saddening. I really hate how young people feel so much pressure to loose their virginity or "gain experience" these days. You have the whole of the rest of your life to do that, and life only gets better as you find yourself as a person and start having enough money to go off on travels.

I met my LDR at 16, we started dating at 18 and it was 3 years before we were even able to meet eachother due to me studying for uni and him working full time supporting himself. I was 21 when I was able to first meet him in person, and the first time I was intimate with anybody. I gave my virginity to somebody who I loved and who loved me and that is a precious thing. You only have one chance to have a "first time" with somebody, and it was with the man I loved and trusted with all my heart which made all the difference to the experience. Compare that to some of my friends who lost their virginity on the floor of a MacDonalds toilet to some guy who dumped them a few weeks later cuz they got what they wanted...

I know you are young but you should try to decide what sex means to you. Dont ever feel like you have to "gain experience" because trust me, you dont. My fiancee did the whole "exploring his youth" thing before we met and slept with many girls, and he absolutely hates that he did that and caved into the pressure of "being a man" because now he can never have his first time with me. It cheapened sex for him. And a surprising number of guys i know who slept with girls they didnt care about also feel that sense of regret when they meet their first love.

Absolutely no relationship is "sure" or "set in stone". Nobody knows exactly where their relationship will be in 4 or 5 years. Being unsure of the success rate is not an excuse not to try. I say go for it. Pursue this while you have the chance. Let it happen naturally, and it will progress however it will. If it dosent work out, then you can go "exploring" without any regrets. If it does work out, you have a partner who will love you for life. And that is possibly the greatest life experience you could ever have

[Rezie]

Youre 18 now, in 4 years you'll be 22/23. Im not entirely sure what you mean about wasting your youth but if "physically wise" means sex, then I find that a little saddening. I really hate how young people feel so much pressure to loose their virginity or "gain experience" these days. You have the whole of the rest of your life to do that, and life only gets better as you find yourself as a person and start having enough money to go off on travels.

I met my LDR at 16, we started dating at 18 and it was 3 years before we were even able to meet eachother due to me studying for uni and him working full time supporting himself. I was 21 when I was able to first meet him in person, and the first time I was intimate with anybody. I gave my virginity to somebody who I loved and who loved me and that is a precious thing. You only have one chance to have a "first time" with somebody, and it was with the man I loved and trusted with all my heart which made all the difference to the experience. Compare that to some of my friends who lost their virginity on the floor of a MacDonalds toilet to some guy who dumped them a few weeks later cuz they got what they wanted...

I know you are young but you should try to decide what sex means to you. Dont ever feel like you have to "gain experience" because trust me, you dont. My fiancee did the whole "exploring his youth" thing before we met and slept with many girls, and he absolutely hates that he did that and caved into the pressure of "being a man" because now he can never have his first time with me. It cheapened sex for him. And a surprising number of guys i know who slept with girls they didnt care about also feel that sense of regret when they meet their first love.

Absolutely no relationship is "sure" or "set in stone". Nobody knows exactly where their relationship will be in 4 or 5 years. Being unsure of the success rate is not an excuse not to try. I say go for it. Pursue this while you have the chance. Let it happen naturally, and it will progress however it will. If it dosent work out, then you can go "exploring" without any regrets. If it does work out, you have a partner who will love you for life. And that is possibly the greatest life experience you could ever have

While I agree with this that you need to decide what youth is for you so you can take everything out of it.

This goes a bit off topic but we all have different ways to view sex and that is Ok. If you want to have multiple partners before settleing down that is Ok. You don't have to wait for falling in love before losing your virginity. Sometimes sex is just sex. You don't necessarily regret having a lot of experience. If you want to wait then that is ok too. As long as you do what feels good for you then that is the right thing to do.