Just another little worry

[SamJW]

Hi

So I have to say that my relationship is going brilliantly, the distance gets us both down but we talk every day via video call and messenger.

One thing, a guy has expressed interest in her, he messaged her and he's a bartender at a place she and her friends frequents, she has said he's a very good looking guy but she would never start anything I trust her here entirely, I just WORRY SO MUCH.
I'm the worrier in the relationship without a doubt, I know its normal to find people attractive whether you're in a relationship or not, but it just nags at me that I can't even be there with her and that this guy will see her more often this month than I will due to her colleagues and friends all going to the same bar in the evening.
She has told me this, she made a point of telling me he messaged her and that this has taken place, I know I can trust her but I can't help but feel a little bad and jealous about it, even the idea that I may lose her to this type of scenario kills me.

I've told her all of this and she respects my feelings about it, i'm just wondering if anyone here has felt something similar and how they've dealt with it? A little help would be greatly appreciated as it just keeps nagging at me

Thanks!

[Rezie]

I'm sure most people have felt jealous at some point. It's just how you decide to act. You just have to trust her and key it go that some guy likes her. That's all you can do. Keep communicating, let her know you care. You yourself should also concentrate on your hobbies and your life.

[erwin1973]

You say you trust her... yet you worry. If you trust her, then what's the worry? If you worry, then why don't you trust her?

Insecurity comes from within yourself, same as jealousy. She's been open about it, so what do you prefer? She'll lie next time to spare your feelings?

Work on your insecurities, it's yours to work on that. Worry is a lack of trust, and she did nothing wrong. She can't help it he is texting her. Although you don't tell us how she responded. If she told this guy 'hey, I am taken, get lost', that is good.

I myself do not worry whatsoever that my lady will end up with someone else. Why? Because I trust her and because I know she loves me as badly as I love her. Period.

[SamJW]

I know, and I do trust her, she's a very outgoing person and its weird knowing they'll be in contact physically more so than I can be with her and it's weird knowing that he likes her and she also finds him attractive. I do trust her, its just a certain amount of discomfort that surfaces

[autumn1790]

I'm sure there's a lot of guys who take notice of her while around her and are probably interested but don't make a move. Will you be concerned about every male that ever comes into her proximity? What about those with lesbian and bisexual identities?
Perhaps to solve this problem, tell her she must wear a burkha type of clothing whenever she steps out of the house...restrict her to make sure nobody ever takes your property. Orrrrr....trust her and realize she has her own life that you should not interfere with. Maybe work on getting more of your own life so this doesn't occupy your mind.

[Honour]

You say you trust her... yet you worry. If you trust her, then what's the worry? If you worry, then why don't you trust her?

Insecurity comes from within yourself, same as jealousy. She's been open about it, so what do you prefer? She'll lie next time to spare your feelings?

Work on your insecurities, it's yours to work on that. Worry is a lack of trust, and she did nothing wrong. She can't help it he is texting her. Although you don't tell us how she responded. If she told this guy 'hey, I am taken, get lost', that is good.

I myself do not worry whatsoever that my lady will end up with someone else. Why? Because I trust her and because I know she loves me as badly as I love her. Period.

Being worried doesn't necessarily always mean you have a lack of trust. I trust my SO with everything I have and I still worry. It's because I'm a natural worrier. I need the constant reassurance from him that things will be okay. Sounds stupid, but it's how some people - like me - are.

[SamJW]

Exactly, thank you Honour

It's not a lack of trust as i've stated, it's just a worry, one of many that I have about many things, I'm not going to tell my SO what she should or shouldn't do, if I did i'd become the very thing i despise.
I just worry constantly about certain things that most don't, and I was wondering how others in that predicament deal with it.

[erwin1973]

Being worried doesn't necessarily always mean you have a lack of trust. I trust my SO with everything I have and I still worry. It's because I'm a natural worrier. I need the constant reassurance from him that things will be okay. Sounds stupid, but it's how some people - like me - are.

Okay, in that case I apologize.

Yet I have a question: do you worry someone is going to steel your partner? Or are you just worried about his well-being and happiness (what I do with my lady, too). Just a question so that I understand better, nothing to judge.

[C.C.]

Are you, by any chance, an anxious person too? If so, good luck

What helps me is understanding that I am the one being irrational and I am the one who is supposed to deal with my feelings. That and asking for reassurance while making clear that I don't doubt them or anything.

[SamJW]

Yes, I would say I was an anxious person, my last relationship ended with her seeing someone behind my back and i'm gonna take a stab in the dark and say it stems from that.

I'm worried that the distance is a little overwhelming for her, we get along fantastically when we're together but she is feeling the strain, whilst I know that she loves me and I her, i'm worried that I can't be there for her when it matters due to the distance, i'm worried others will be there for her when I can't be.
It is slightly irrational, i know, we've been talking seriously about moving in together and her coming to the UK. The worst thing is I KNOW it's irrational, I know i'm overthinking this and worrying over petty little things but I can't help it, I don't know anyone in a LDR in person so this forum is the place to ask away

[erwin1973]

I apologize for the first reply I made, no offence was meant. Actually I was just trying to get more info to give better advice, but I understand I sounded a bit harsh.
Yes, it can be done, and you can be there for her. Just show her your concern, your love, everytime you have contact, weather that is via text or cam. Let her know you believe in her, in you both, and that she only has to ask for your help. The only thing you can not provide is the physical shoulder to cry on, but you can give her the idea she can vent, cry, be happy, anything with you.
I hope this is a little help for you.

[Honour]

Okay, in that case I apologize.

Yet I have a question: do you worry someone is going to steel your partner? Or are you just worried about his well-being and happiness (what I do with my lady, too). Just a question so that I understand better, nothing to judge.

Worried about both. I do the telling-myself-it's-irrational thing too, and it does help.

[C.C.]

The worst thing is I KNOW it's irrational, I know i'm overthinking this and worrying over petty little things but I can't help it, I don't know anyone in a LDR in person so this forum is the place to ask away

Knowing is the first step towards it. It's hard, I know and sometimes it'll still be impossible as well. But I am sure you can do something about it at least. Like when you start worrying, take a moment to "talk" to yourself about it, try to calm down, etc. And try to explain how you feel about the whole thing to her, so that in case it doesn't work, she'll know that you don't mean anything bad and that you trust her.

Also, having the attitude of "I can't do anything about it" and no trying won't work. Yes you might not be able to control it in the end, but trying doesn't hurt, right?

[erwin1973]

Worried about both. I do the telling-myself-it's-irrational thing too, and it does help.

Thank you for the clarification. I appreciate it a lot.
I'll try to be more tactful next time (when I don't feel so d*mn depressed).