I am not sure how to handle this current situation and would love some advice. This isn't an LDR yet, but potentially could become one...but I'm so confused.
We met 3 months ago while I was travelling in his country and have spent most of that time together. It's been a whirlwind. He's pretty settled into his life here and I'm the first person he's wanted to take things more seriously with in a while....
EXCEPT, my visa ends in a month, which we both knew already. Neither of us expected things to progress how they did.
At T minus 30 days, I've asked him what he expects for us when I leave. I said "Do you want be in a serious long distance relationship, or just sort of...keep talking? Or..." He responded that if I was living here long term, he would definitely love to keep things going and become serious, that he hasn't felt this way for a long time. He doesn't want to commit to me when he's not sure when/if I'll come back, but then told me I can't move for just him. All of this, logically, makes sense given our dating span. It's not my logical side that's typing all of this.
I love this country, but visas are an issue, that would take a long time and investment to sort out, and we haven't been dating long enough to go for long term partner type visas. He straight up said "Don't move for me."
There are other options that would make more sense for me financially and the bonus pulling me to this place in particular is him. I have to be honest about that with myself.
Then the mixed signals start.
The next day, he cried while we were cuddling. Before I left to my house, he pulled me really close and said “When I have money, I’ll fly to visit you, or buy your plane ticket here, or we can travel in(country we've talked about) together.”
He leaves for a trip tomorrow to visit his overseas parents, which he invited ME on, despite having not seen them in years. I had to decline because of work.
He called me tonight, the night before his flight, to tell me he misses me and to chat.
The day before, he showed up at my house with an amazing, thoughtful, early birthday gift that I wouldn't have been able to afford. My birthday isn't until I get back to my country so he could totally have just skipped that.
I'm trying to pull away while he's gone and emotionally get used to the idea that we'll be over when I go, but when I asked what kind of contact to expect from him, he said he'd call me every day while he's abroad. Why is he wanting to maintain this connection, if he doesn't want an LDR?? Why bother??
I'll have a couple more chances to hang out with him when he gets back, which I want to enjoy, but it feels like a twist of a knife.
I need some pragmatic advice on how I should handle this. I don't want this to just die on a messaging app a few weeks after I get home. I would rather end things now, on a high note, if he doesn't want to be in an LDR. That, or make plans for at least the next visit. I'm just really confused by his actions vs words.
If anyone has any input or advice, I would love some. Tough love is fine too. Maybe I need it.
We met 3 months ago while I was travelling in his country and have spent most of that time together. It's been a whirlwind. He's pretty settled into his life here and I'm the first person he's wanted to take things more seriously with in a while....
EXCEPT, my visa ends in a month, which we both knew already. Neither of us expected things to progress how they did.
At T minus 30 days, I've asked him what he expects for us when I leave. I said "Do you want be in a serious long distance relationship, or just sort of...keep talking? Or..." He responded that if I was living here long term, he would definitely love to keep things going and become serious, that he hasn't felt this way for a long time. He doesn't want to commit to me when he's not sure when/if I'll come back, but then told me I can't move for just him. All of this, logically, makes sense given our dating span. It's not my logical side that's typing all of this.
I love this country, but visas are an issue, that would take a long time and investment to sort out, and we haven't been dating long enough to go for long term partner type visas. He straight up said "Don't move for me."
There are other options that would make more sense for me financially and the bonus pulling me to this place in particular is him. I have to be honest about that with myself.
Then the mixed signals start.
The next day, he cried while we were cuddling. Before I left to my house, he pulled me really close and said “When I have money, I’ll fly to visit you, or buy your plane ticket here, or we can travel in(country we've talked about) together.”
He leaves for a trip tomorrow to visit his overseas parents, which he invited ME on, despite having not seen them in years. I had to decline because of work.
He called me tonight, the night before his flight, to tell me he misses me and to chat.
The day before, he showed up at my house with an amazing, thoughtful, early birthday gift that I wouldn't have been able to afford. My birthday isn't until I get back to my country so he could totally have just skipped that.
I'm trying to pull away while he's gone and emotionally get used to the idea that we'll be over when I go, but when I asked what kind of contact to expect from him, he said he'd call me every day while he's abroad. Why is he wanting to maintain this connection, if he doesn't want an LDR?? Why bother??
I'll have a couple more chances to hang out with him when he gets back, which I want to enjoy, but it feels like a twist of a knife.
I need some pragmatic advice on how I should handle this. I don't want this to just die on a messaging app a few weeks after I get home. I would rather end things now, on a high note, if he doesn't want to be in an LDR. That, or make plans for at least the next visit. I'm just really confused by his actions vs words.
If anyone has any input or advice, I would love some. Tough love is fine too. Maybe I need it.
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