When you're feeling blue...

[Flautist2000]

So, I'm having quite a day of anxiety and panic right now. General anxiety over something which causes my insecurities to flare (which is relationship-based, but strictly situational and in NO way my girlfriend's fault), PMS, and now something pretty shitty has happened (more of an impending doom kind of thing) at work.

I have no idea what would make me feel better besides just cuddling and being held by my girlfriend. But that's not possible. I want to message her like, *right now*, because she's the one I want to run to when I'm feeling shitty, but that will make her feel bad that she can't help, and I know I won't feel any better about impending doom, regardless of when I tell her.

The situational anxiety thing is something she'll feel bad about, even though it's just me being insecure, so whining about it won't solve anything. I'll talk to her about it when I get there in just over a week, but over the phone is just...I feel like I'm pointlessly whining.

I guess my question is: if there's nothing your partner can do to make you feel better, what do you do? Especially if you have anxiety.

I've been told I'm a whiner...I complain for no other reason than to complain, and I have no expectations for what could make me feel better. I don't want to put my girlfriend in that position of trying to comfort me from 3500 miles away when I don't even know what I want out of the conversation besides "that really sucks, I'm so sorry" (which is about that best she can do, and definitely isn't enough).

[kittyo9]

I still tell my SO what's going on. I know he feels kind of useless being unable to do anything about it, but it's better that he knows and that I have someone I can talk to about it than keeping it to myself all the time. Then we try to do other things or talk about other things so it's not just constant stress, or we get distracted with work/school-related things and resume talking about it later when we can webcam and really talk about it. Other than that, it's up to you to work on finding healthy coping mechanisms, which may include therapy or self-help literature.

[Flautist2000]

I should also clarify, when I say I've been told I'm a whiner, it's by exes and acquaintances, NOT my current SO.

[waterworth]

I won't ask you for a reply to this question but I'll presume you aren't on any medication to help you with your condition. Personally, I am on medication to help with my anxiety and depression, which are largely under control but do occasionally flare up. This may be one part of the solution which should be joined with other strategies to reduce feelings of anxiety. The information you have supplied is quite general and as such is difficult to comment on - and besides, I'm not in the business of psychology!

I wouldn't assume that complaining is pointless - it can actually be quite cathartic and is a form of communication - and communication is key. I would suggest that you make sure your partner is okay with it as well because I know of situations when this can pull the other person down if they are feeling the same. Otherwise, please don't keep your anxiety to yourself - don't bottle it up in other words, it can make it much worse.

James

[Flautist2000]

I won't ask you for a reply to this question but I'll presume you aren't on any medication to help you with your condition. Personally, I am on medication to help with my anxiety and depression, which are largely under control but do occasionally flare up. This may be one part of the solution which should be joined with other strategies to reduce feelings of anxiety. The information you have supplied is quite general and as such is difficult to comment on - and besides, I'm not in the business of psychology!

I wouldn't assume that complaining is pointless - it can actually be quite cathartic and is a form of communication - and communication is key. I would suggest that you make sure your partner is okay with it as well because I know of situations when this can pull the other person down if they are feeling the same. Otherwise, please don't keep your anxiety to yourself - don't bottle it up in other words, it can make it much worse.

James

Yes, I'm on anxiety medication, but generally it gets quite a bit worse with certain times of the month, lol. Generally I'm fine, and I don't feel super awful, I think I'm just at a point where the honeymoon is over and the real hard work of LDR is kicking in. (Not that it's been easy these past 7 months...but the past one or two has been worse, emotionally).

I've been in two relationships before (that "count" anyway...others were not committed or were more casual) and neither were long distance for any significant length of time (and even when the first one was LD, it was a 5 hour drive, so we visited 2-3 weekends a month). If I'm having a bad day, I really crave physical affection, and that was never lacking before. Now I have to wait months.

It's something everyone goes through, I'm sure, I'm just looking for some suggestions on what others do when they're really missing their SO.

[waterworth]

Yeah, LDRs can be really hard and I can sympathise with you. Our situations are different but I think the best advice I can give, from my own experience, is to keep occupied (I know this is easier said than done). For me, I love enjoying to bluegrass country music and have my earphones in whenever I'm in public or when it's quiet at home.

Hope this helps

James