LDR High Anxiety

[HappyCamper]

Hello all,
I'm new to this forum and here's my situation: I'm on the east coast of the U.S. and my SO is in the UK. We met online back in January and quickly fell head over heels for each other. We've managed to meet three times already, with three more visits planned over the next four months. We text throughout the day and Skype every night. We also do many of the recommended things for LDR couples: playing online games together, watching movies, and often just being online while we do our own thing. All good, right? I'm finding that the absence - despite everything we are doing right - is giving me great anxiety. I nearly always have this unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach, have difficulty concentrating and often wake up during the night thinking about how long we'll be LDR before closing the gap. It's far too early for that decision, but I find that I'm often bringing it up for discussion because it's kind of like the elephant in the room and cannot be avoided. I find that these serious issues need be addressed early on - since we are both getting more and more invested in the relationship. My SO has agreed that a move to the U.S. is not an issue of "if" but more an issue of "when." Despite those words of assurance, but brain screams: WHEN? It's difficult to enjoy each others' company online when these thoughts weigh heavily on me. I'm constantly wondering whether I can "do this." I could go on and on, but I'd appreciate any feedback from folks that deal with this real pain on a daily basis due to a separation and no knowing when/if the distance gap will be bridged.
-Chuck from Philadelphia, PA

[TaraMarie]

Isn't it kind of early to be considering that? In my relationship, I wanted my (now) husband to commit to moving here IMMEDIATELY. For him, that wasn't even a consideration atthat time. It took us a while to get to that point. A few years, actually. It was very frustrating for me, but I knew I loved him and I was determined to make it work. Thank GOD he was the voice or reason. There is NO WAY this would have worked for us if he had come here right away. We needed the time to get to know each other, and in my opinion the distance was a good thing for us. It showed our commitment to each other. Give it time and enjoy what you have. Make a plan for the future. It doesn't need to be the FAR future, but give it a little while. This is a life changing decision.

[HappyCamper]

Thank you for the reply. In matters of the heart, rationality doesn't necessarily prevail for me. I'm with you in that I want a commitment now and want to make that happen immediately. Of course that's unrealistic. Just trying to cope with the pain of absence. Sometimes that makes it hard to appreciate what I have, a loving SO over there in the UK who is willing to commit the time to Skype for hours, etc. I try to be upbeat and positive when I'm video chatting - because who wants to see a sad face 3,500 miles away!

[Michelle]

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with so much anxiety. I would take the pressure off your partner about moving and try to find ways to cope with your anxiety; otherwise, you may push your SO away.

Here’s a helpful infographic on coping with anxiety: https://adaa.org/sites/default/files...t%202017_0.pdf

I know someone who has used an herbal supplement called kava with some success in helping take the edge off his anxiety. You can get it as a tea or in capsule form. It might be worth looking into.

Here’s another recent thread about anxiety that might help: https://members.lovingfromadistance....nd-has-Anxiety

[paperplane]

"My SO has agreed that a move to the U.S. is not an issue of "if" but more an issue of "when." Despite those words of assurance, but brain screams: WHEN?"

I struggle with this feeling often, especially because I am the one who would move to him and there is no option right now. I handle it with mindfulness - meditation, yoga, gratitude exersises, reminding myself that right now, we're both in a good place (not fighting, etc), and trying to trust that there is an opportunity just around the corner, that we can't see yet. Mindfulness helps so much. I also really recommend doing the free trial of the headspace meditation app. That thing keeps me on my rocker.

I will add that I was in a LDR where we focused so much on closing the distance ASAP, that by the time we actually did, our relationship was a mess.
I moved to Australia from the US for him. We made it 6 months before it ended and i moved home. If we had taken our time to get out shit together first, I think we would have had a way better chance. I urge you to take your time.