What's the biggest cultural issue you have with your SO?

[autumn1790]

Hey guys,
I was just curious about what's the biggest cultural conflict you run into on a regular basis with your SO, something that causes conflict or irritation. It's fun to see the differences that exist!

For me, it's definitely the fact that SO is used to interrupting/cutting off the other speaker, or answering within a split second. I hear him and his family doing this all the time, but I just aggravates me when he does it to me. The little things!

How about you guys?

[Littlewhiteflower]

Biggest issue: the difference in gender roles.

My SO comes from a much more conservative place than I do. He thinks that women should stay home, cook, clean, raise the kids, and not work while men should be the only provider. He also thinks that the woman should follow the man for his career and not the other way around.

In my head and my culture, this is the 1920 way of thinking. I think education for women is very important in today's society. I think that independence is key especially since a lot of couples break up/cheat/divorce. Moreover, I believe that life costs much more today than in the 1900s and that it is easier to live comfortably when both partners work in 2018. I also believe in compromise between both partners.

Why is it an issue?

Because my SO is convinced i must let everything behind me to follow him while he has a good career. My career opportunity in his place would be reduced a lot and i'd be very far from everyone I know and love. His mother and father also think like that. That is why it causes problems. If i do not move to him, then we will be forever apart because his life is his career. So it ends up being complicated when I'm close from my family and have worked hard to have my own career.

Other than that, culturally speaking, we are very alike.

[MushuChicken]

Not a ton of cultural differences between me and the LD guy I am seeing.

I am Catholic and he is Baptist, so I suppose there are some differences there, overall.

I would say maybe the biggest cultural difference is just in our interests. He comes from a much more outdoorsy family that's into guns and hunting and cars and nature and stuff like that. My family has never owned guns, never hunted. We are much more indoors people, into news and sports and HGTV and things like that.

But, I am not opposed to spending time outdoors with him, just like I am sure he wouldn't be opposed to sitting down and watching a baseball game with me. In the grand scheme of things, those are very minor cultural differences, but I am sure more will come up as we continue to know each other.

[Rezie]

Hey guys,
For me, it's definitely the fact that SO is used to interrupting/cutting off the other speaker, or answering within a split second. I hear him and his family doing this all the time, but I just aggravates me when he does it to me. The little things!

I actually just wrote an essay about this to my management course. Check out Lewil model in crossculture site and it will show perfectly the communciation difference between India and USA. Very interesting

Our main cultural differences are family culture related instead of national culture. But few national culture ones are that he gets annoyed when I answer shortly. His culture is more chitchatty and smalltalky and asking someones life story is perfecctly normal thing to do. I'm from more of a "you ask a question, I answer" culture and asking personal questions from people is considered rude. He feel like I'm purposly hiding things and not wanitng to share and I'm more of a "if he wants to know, I'm sure he will ask". Another thing is self suffiency. While he is not concservative in any way, but where he is from it is considered nice and polite to offer to pay, drive etc. where I am from it's everyone for themselves and you don't ask for help unless you need. He offers to pick me up from somewhere and I decline. I'm perfectly capable of geting myself home and I don't want to inconvinience someone for my own choises. He then feels hurt that I refuse help cause picking up people is just something people do.

[paperplane]

English is not his first language, but it's so good that sometimes I forget, and talk too fast or very tangentially. It has actually helped me to really think about what I am trying to communicate, especially during emotionally charged discussions or arguments. I take for granted that I can speak straight from the heart, whereas he has to think and arrange the sentence first. In a way his english is actually better than mine, because he has studied definitions for a lot of words that I just assumed I knew because I used them since I was a kid. He'll ask me to define a word and I'll think, "Huh...I never really thought about that. What DOES it actually mean?!"

He lives in a westernized country, that views America is a far away joke country ruled by an orange idiot.
So, the idea of US political correctness and the state of our current erm, Government, come across as kind of a meme to him. This can cause a lot of panicked "okay, it's funny here, but PLEASE PROMISE ME YOU WON'T SAY THAT IN THE STATES" reactions from me.

[RWhiz]

OK I have kind of a funny one

Ironically my ex wife is from Panama and while we had a few differences it wasn't much. Well my GF is living in WA state she is originally from Montana
and her mom and dad still live there. Now I'm no stranger to Montana as I went to college there in Bozeman but I am a little surprised that her dad is kind of playing the old fashioned dad and badly wants to meet me to get his approval! We're not engaged but very soon we'll be living together, and as you can see from my age, you can imagine that both her and I are divorced so this isn't our first go around! I think its kind of cute in a old fashioned way, but really?!?! We have to schedule a trip so her dad can meet her 49 year old BF?!?! Haha this kind of cracks me up! Oh well! gotta go back to Montana in a few moonths I guess



Edit: I told her tha I plan to really F with her dad so as to put a ton of doubt in his mind!!! Haha it'll be too fun not too

[autumn1790]

I actually just wrote an essay about this to my management course. Check out Lewil model in crossculture site and it will show perfectly the communciation difference between India and USA. Very interesting

I'm assuming you meant Lewis? If so, that model is definitely good for thought. Although, I don't especially as myself as just cold and blue and reactive.

[snow]

I guess the communication thing is one that I have a hard time dealing with. I love to talk, I love to tell stories (sometimes multiple times the same) and when he asks me a questions, I answer with more than JUST the answer which bothers him.

[autumn1790]

I asked my SO if he wanted me to write his point of view, ie things about my culture that aggravate him. He said something very diplomatically along the lines of "Culture is not an issue because everyone is different and you just accept that."

Oh, to be as sickeningly sweet as he.

[Lio]

My case wasn't really with my SO, but with her mother. It happened during my second visit to Korea, last October/November.

In Korea, you don't see many men having beards. I actually didn't shave for about two, three days maybe, and her mom decided ... to shave my beard. She said that in France, it may be okay to have a beard, kinda hispter-like (which I never had and don't plan to have), but in Korea, this is out of the question. I would never imagine her doing so.

Also, she doesn't speak English, so my SO was translating this to me. Since then, I always shave the days when I know we'll see eomma (엄마 : mom in Korean).

With my SO, I didn't really have any cultural issue. Maybe about food. She loves very spicy food and I can't eat it when it is too much spicy. But we usually enjoy the meals we have.