Need advice

[Jeaputri]

Hi all, I'm Jea and I've been dating my bf for almost 7 months now. He's a video games addict where he plays it all day. Sometimes it makes me wonder what will happen if I'll there, will he leave me alone and he'll still be on his computer. Because he plays it all day, and only stop when I videocall him or for him to eat.
I'm really scared of few stuff:
1. He plays video games all day
2. He rarely go outside, he only stay at home. Probably go out once or twice a month
3. He works whenever he wants to and that means probably like once a month or maybe two (he has zero hour contract). I think the last time he worked was in January/ February
4. He always use his "autistic" condition for it. He has ADHD. And he depend on the "service money" from the gov because of his "situation".
5. He depends on his mother, literally on everything. He doesn't do anything around the house even though he lives alone. He always tell his mom to do stuff for him, even to the shop to buy him stuffs that he need.
6. Sometimes I feel like he's not interested on the topics that I try to talk about with him. But on the other side, I always listen and try to understand on the topics that he likes.

So those are my doubts lately. He wasn't like that when I first met him, and It gets worse as the time passes by.
What should I do? Please I need advice.

[obsessedwithpaper]

My so is also a video game enthusiast so I understand your worries.

What we do is I tell him that when we're talking, we're talking. He can scroll through Facebook or whatever, but his focus should be on me. Also, we go on voice chat whenever he plays. I like listening to him talk and in that way I'm sorta still "with him". I make comments from time to time, ask questions, and he also explains the game mechanics to me. I give him some space especially if he's playing with friends. We're still on vc while he's playing but I just listen.

[Jeaputri]

My so is also a video game enthusiast so I understand your worries.

What we do is I tell him that when we're talking, we're talking. He can scroll through Facebook or whatever, but his focus should be on me. Also, we go on voice chat whenever he plays. I like listening to him talk and in that way I'm sorta still "with him". I make comments from time to time, ask questions, and he also explains the game mechanics to me. I give him some space especially if he's playing with friends. We're still on vc while he's playing but I just listen.

Yea I do that too. But I feel like it's abit unfair that he doesn't seem to be interested on things that I love. And what bugs me is that he always use his excuse for being autistic. ADHD is like the lowest autism in the chart but he use it all the time. I do tell him that he can't make his condition as an excuse.
Sometimes I'm hopeless because I don't know what to do. If you have any other advice please tell me, that would be great. Thank you

[obsessedwithpaper]

Did you tell him your concerns?
Did he listen? If not, give him an ultimatum. If that doesn't work still, dump him. You deserve better. You deserve someone who respects you and care for you enough to listen to you and spend time with you.
ADHD or not, if he can spend hours and hours in front of his computer why couldn't he spend the same hours with you? That's a red flag for me. >.<

[Michelle]

Yea I do that too. But I feel like it's abit unfair that he doesn't seem to be interested on things that I love. And what bugs me is that he always use his excuse for being autistic. ADHD is like the lowest autism in the chart but he use it all the time. I do tell him that he can't make his condition as an excuse.
Sometimes I'm hopeless because I don't know what to do. If you have any other advice please tell me, that would be great. Thank you

I just wanted to note that ADHD is not a form of autism; it’s not the low end of the autism spectrum. They are very different disorders. He just may have both.

I’m not sure what you are getting out of this relationship. He is putting no effort into your relationship. I feel if you do end up closing the distance you will fill-in the role of his mom - he’ll depend on you for everything while he stays home and plays video games. If that isn’t the future you hope for yourself, I’d get out now.

[autumn1790]

I know some people don't mind it, but I could never date a guy who lives his life tied to a game console. There is so much more to life--so much to do, see, experience, and so little time. A partner is supposed to share experiences in life, imo.

[RWhiz]

He doesn't really sound like a catch.