We (she:40's, me: 50's) are currently waiting for our K-1 visa to be granted... and we are expecting my fiancee to be able to join me in the US by mid-Autumn and we will get married here right away. She is learning English but her proficiency level is still elementary. Reasonably, when she comes here, for the first year, I will be supporting her until she learns enough English to be able to get her own job and contribute to the family income picture.
Because our relationship is built on trust and she will be my wife, I plan to get her a bank card that gives her access to my/our bank account. She is coming here without assets and without the immediate ability to earn her own money but I want her to be able to shop and buy food, clothes, things for our home, etc. without asking me for an "allowance". She is in her 40's and has been independent her whole life.
The other night, we were talking on this subject and she told me that she needs to have her own separate bank account. This account would contain money that we would agree that she can take from our joint account and put aside into her own separate account to spend or save as she prefers. She said that because she has always lived independently, it's not comfortable for her to have no money of her own - or to have me able to see every amount of money she spends and for what purpose.
On one hand, I can understand her need for autonomy and a sense of independence. On the other hand, I really can't understand why she would need a separate account when all of her money is coming from me anyway. If I have given her access to everything and told her that I'm not going to be scrutinizing her purchases any more than she can scrutinize mine, is it unreasonable for me to ask "why do you need a separate account?"
She and I are not in the same position - for at least a year, she will 100% dependent upon me for every aspect of her financial needs. I don't know that I can even comprehend how it would feel to surrender that much control of my life into the hands of someone else, no matter how much I trust them. I suppose not everyone wants to co-mingle their finances completely, especially in a case where she is trying to establish her autonomy. I am willing to share everything that I have and make everything visible to her. It picks at some part of my brain that she wants to take "our" money and make it exclusively "her" money.
Money is always a tricky topic but I wonder if I'm being insensitive to her needs by questioning why she needs a firewall down the middle of this aspect of our shared life.
Opinions are welcome.
Because our relationship is built on trust and she will be my wife, I plan to get her a bank card that gives her access to my/our bank account. She is coming here without assets and without the immediate ability to earn her own money but I want her to be able to shop and buy food, clothes, things for our home, etc. without asking me for an "allowance". She is in her 40's and has been independent her whole life.
The other night, we were talking on this subject and she told me that she needs to have her own separate bank account. This account would contain money that we would agree that she can take from our joint account and put aside into her own separate account to spend or save as she prefers. She said that because she has always lived independently, it's not comfortable for her to have no money of her own - or to have me able to see every amount of money she spends and for what purpose.
On one hand, I can understand her need for autonomy and a sense of independence. On the other hand, I really can't understand why she would need a separate account when all of her money is coming from me anyway. If I have given her access to everything and told her that I'm not going to be scrutinizing her purchases any more than she can scrutinize mine, is it unreasonable for me to ask "why do you need a separate account?"
She and I are not in the same position - for at least a year, she will 100% dependent upon me for every aspect of her financial needs. I don't know that I can even comprehend how it would feel to surrender that much control of my life into the hands of someone else, no matter how much I trust them. I suppose not everyone wants to co-mingle their finances completely, especially in a case where she is trying to establish her autonomy. I am willing to share everything that I have and make everything visible to her. It picks at some part of my brain that she wants to take "our" money and make it exclusively "her" money.
Money is always a tricky topic but I wonder if I'm being insensitive to her needs by questioning why she needs a firewall down the middle of this aspect of our shared life.
Opinions are welcome.
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