I just had a week-long trip with my long distance boyfriend after being apart for 10 months. I don't know when I'll ever get to see him again and I don't know if I can handle another 10 months without him, maybe even more. I am 14 hrs ahead of him, and plane tickets are very expensive so it's not as simple to just plan a visit.
I am so depressed to the point that I just want to end my life. My boyfriend is the only good thing going for me, and I looked forward to that trip for so long. Counting down to the days when I would see him again is what kept me going. It made me happy. But now that it's done, I'm spiraling downwards harder than before and the future has never looked so dark and uncertain.
What makes it harder is that my boyfriend is the kind of guy who likes to keep busy. He barely checks his phone. And I understand and respect that. When I'm with him, we both do so many activities together the way he normally does, and I can see why he barely has time for his phone.
However, now that I'm back to my old, dull life, I have plenty of time for my phone again. It's not as easy to do activities here where I'm from. I have overprotective parents and every move I make is monitored and supervised. It's not as easy to just simply "distract myself".
I miss him so, so much and all I want is to be able to talk to him. But I know that he won't be on his phone, and I don't wanna impose on him that he needs to make time for me just because I'm being all emotional. I know people will say that I should talk to him about it, that he would understand and that if he really loves me, he'll make time for me. But I don't want to hold him back like that or feel like a burden. I want him to keep living his life and be happy. Just.. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel so trapped, stuck, and alone. And I hate how.. s**cide seems like the only answer.
I would appreciate any help or advice. Or really just someone to talk to. Maybe someone going through the same thing. I'm desperate. Please.
I am so depressed to the point that I just want to end my life. My boyfriend is the only good thing going for me, and I looked forward to that trip for so long. Counting down to the days when I would see him again is what kept me going. It made me happy. But now that it's done, I'm spiraling downwards harder than before and the future has never looked so dark and uncertain.
What makes it harder is that my boyfriend is the kind of guy who likes to keep busy. He barely checks his phone. And I understand and respect that. When I'm with him, we both do so many activities together the way he normally does, and I can see why he barely has time for his phone.
However, now that I'm back to my old, dull life, I have plenty of time for my phone again. It's not as easy to do activities here where I'm from. I have overprotective parents and every move I make is monitored and supervised. It's not as easy to just simply "distract myself".
I miss him so, so much and all I want is to be able to talk to him. But I know that he won't be on his phone, and I don't wanna impose on him that he needs to make time for me just because I'm being all emotional. I know people will say that I should talk to him about it, that he would understand and that if he really loves me, he'll make time for me. But I don't want to hold him back like that or feel like a burden. I want him to keep living his life and be happy. Just.. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel so trapped, stuck, and alone. And I hate how.. s**cide seems like the only answer.
I would appreciate any help or advice. Or really just someone to talk to. Maybe someone going through the same thing. I'm desperate. Please.
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