Hello everyone,
I was wondering if anyone can give me advice, or at least relate to how I am feeling. I am currently in an amazing relationship with an amazing guy. I love him so much! We have such a good connection and although he lies in Japan and I in Canada, I am confident we will be able to make it work. That is, if it weren't for the guilt...
I have been dealing with anxiety but in particular unwanted and inappropriate guilt for many years. I go to see a therapist about it and it does help, but some days are better than others. I started when I was in Junior High and was severely bullied, I felt like it was somehow my fault and I deserved it. Fast forward a few years when I had been in an abusive relationship, I had believed all the mean accusations my boyfriend told me, and felt constant guilt for months. Now that I am in a happy relationship, it's hard for me to feel like I deserve him or to have love at all.
It has gotten so bad that I feel guilty and beat myself up when I even find another man attractive, or have an innocent conversation with a cute stranger. For example, I had a mutual friend who I thought was mildly attractive and ended up coming across his page on Instagram. I messaged him in response to a funny video he posted, and we ended up chatting for a few minutes, very light and casual conversation. I didn't talk to him for weeks but he messaged me again, just responding to something I had posted, and he asked me how I was doing. I was washed with guilt and shame that I had even initiated a conversation with someone I thought was cute to begin with. My brain was on fire, asking so many questions. "Why would you message him?" "Was your intent to cheat on your boyfriend?" I know I love my boyfriend, and this random guy has nothing to do with my life. I have never even thought of him before, we literally chatted for a few short minutes twice.
Has anyone felt such strong guilt and shame over small events? I even talked to my boyfriend about this and he wasn't mad and even admitted that he has had conversations with women he has come into contact with that he happens to find attractive. So why do I still feel horrible about this? Can anyone help.... there have been times where I have been on the verge of breaking up with him because I felt so badly about myself. I don't believe him when he tells me he loves me or that he is lucky to have me, and I feel guilty when I hear stories of people cheating on their boyfriends. I don't even like to go out anymore in fear that I will find someone attractive and/or talk to that person.
I need help
I was wondering if anyone can give me advice, or at least relate to how I am feeling. I am currently in an amazing relationship with an amazing guy. I love him so much! We have such a good connection and although he lies in Japan and I in Canada, I am confident we will be able to make it work. That is, if it weren't for the guilt...
I have been dealing with anxiety but in particular unwanted and inappropriate guilt for many years. I go to see a therapist about it and it does help, but some days are better than others. I started when I was in Junior High and was severely bullied, I felt like it was somehow my fault and I deserved it. Fast forward a few years when I had been in an abusive relationship, I had believed all the mean accusations my boyfriend told me, and felt constant guilt for months. Now that I am in a happy relationship, it's hard for me to feel like I deserve him or to have love at all.
It has gotten so bad that I feel guilty and beat myself up when I even find another man attractive, or have an innocent conversation with a cute stranger. For example, I had a mutual friend who I thought was mildly attractive and ended up coming across his page on Instagram. I messaged him in response to a funny video he posted, and we ended up chatting for a few minutes, very light and casual conversation. I didn't talk to him for weeks but he messaged me again, just responding to something I had posted, and he asked me how I was doing. I was washed with guilt and shame that I had even initiated a conversation with someone I thought was cute to begin with. My brain was on fire, asking so many questions. "Why would you message him?" "Was your intent to cheat on your boyfriend?" I know I love my boyfriend, and this random guy has nothing to do with my life. I have never even thought of him before, we literally chatted for a few short minutes twice.
Has anyone felt such strong guilt and shame over small events? I even talked to my boyfriend about this and he wasn't mad and even admitted that he has had conversations with women he has come into contact with that he happens to find attractive. So why do I still feel horrible about this? Can anyone help.... there have been times where I have been on the verge of breaking up with him because I felt so badly about myself. I don't believe him when he tells me he loves me or that he is lucky to have me, and I feel guilty when I hear stories of people cheating on their boyfriends. I don't even like to go out anymore in fear that I will find someone attractive and/or talk to that person.
I need help
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