Friend not being understanding of my Trans LDR.

[kimmidyann]

My SO and I met (and were together for a little over a year) before he moved away. He didn't go too far but it's still too costly (I only work a part time retail job and I have bills to pay) to drive there all the time. It's about a 45 minute drive, plus food for the weekend (because he eats the dorm food), parking is $10 a stay, etc. It can get expensive to go there too much so we try to limit it to once every two weeks. I am blessed that we get to see each other that often but I believe that it is still difficult. He is Trans as well and so that adds a new level of difficulty to the playing field. Trans relationships are hard in general but a LDTR can be even more so.

The problem I'm having is that my friend is in a military LDR and she is done with me. She always posts on social media sites that military LDR's are the hardest out of them all, that nobody can possibly understand what she is going through, and that anybody complains about not seeing their SO for two weeks are petty and stupid. I understand her frustrations and what she's going through. I didn't even tell her I was in a relationship (I got in one right around the time her boyfriend left) for the first few months because I didn't want to depress her. Now if I post something about missing him or about an LDR being hard, she counter posts something right after me saying that military LDR's are harder. She has tons of online support and support from friends in real life that are going through the same thing. I do not know a single person dating a trans person, and I've tried to reach out but I haven't found anything yet. I guess I'm just frustrated because I want her to see that all relationships have struggles and hardships, and she shouldn't be trivializing other people's LDR's just because hers is military. I tried to be there as a friend but clearly "I don't understand and only her online friends understand", and then she dismissed the fact that my relationship has any distance at all. She's literally stopped hanging out with me.

I've tried talking to her about how I got offended by a few of her posts and she said she didn't want to hear it. We've been friends for 5 years so I'm pretty upset. What do I do? Has anybody else been in a trans relationship?

[differentcountries]

Hie, I don't think anyone should compete on which LDR is the hardest. Military LDR has its own special challenges, but so too do other groups. In here we can support each other no matter how far away our boyfriend or girlfriend is.

My husband of five years is a FTM trans guy. Feel free to pm me.

[kimmidyann]

Thank you, this is exactly what I was trying to say. Everybody has their own hardships, even non-LDR couples. I am so excited to actually talk to somebody who is with a trans guy. I will definitely PM you. (:

[BabyGund]

Sometimes, you just have to let a friendship go....it may have run its course or it may just need a break. As heartbreaking as that is. And trust me, I've been there done that. I had to let one go two years ago and we're just now rekindling. So you may become friends again after some time off.

[kimmidyann]

We are planning on hanging out tomorrow and I hope it helps relieve some of that tension. I just really hope that over time she matures enough to know that at least the general public understands what she is going through. For me, people just don't get it and don't want to get it, so they don't offer any condolences at all... mostly they just make fun of it! I just hope she knows that everybody has their hardships. /:

[debradoodlex]

Like someone else said,ever relationship has their own struggles and difficulties, LDR or not. No LDR is easier then another one. Just try to talk to her and explain that to her. Tell her that you realize that her LDR is hard but yours is just as equally as hard. It doesnt matter how far the distance is because any number of miles is still a distance and its really hard to be away from the one you love.
I'm also in a relationship with an FTM, so feel free to PM if you need to talk.
Good luck !

[Unconditional]

EVERY relationship has its own set of problems, and obstacles. Military LDR's are hard, but that doesn't mean your own relationship is any less difficult than here's. To me it sounds like she doesn't care about others in relationships, or that she thinks to highly of hers. If she cared about others, she wouldn't put down other people just because they're relationship isn't military. Everyone is allowed to miss their SO whether they're gone for a few days or a few years. I can't believe she's being so rude to others. Personally, I wouldn't want her as a friend anymore.
As for people that understand what you're going through, differentcountries understands, plus all of us are in LDRs, all with different circumstances. We're ALL also here to help =)
Best of luck with your relationship

[Dwessie]

Mine's family still doesn't fully know she's a girl, a good few of them do though but don't take it as well, mine figured this all out during skype calls when they put 2 and 2 together. My dad's figuring it out (He uses He and then goes "I mean she") and mom has made no fuss and been totally cool about it the whole time. The only thing that was weird about it (And we don't quite care) was when my sister told my dad she is pregnant he said "DON'T YOU DO THIS TO US FOR A LITTLE WHILE" to me and followed it up with "I know Tam's a girl but you guys can still make babies!"
I actually think that's a cool thing, not gonna lie >< She does too.