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He wants to join the Army

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    #1

    He wants to join the Army

    I honestly never thought I'd find myself posting in this forum, but I guess life takes you by surprise sometimes. :P

    My boyfriend just texted me (kind of out of the blue) about what my stance was on him joining the army. I'll be honest, my heart didn't react too well. I texted him back saying "If you're serious, this isn't really something I want to discuss over text." I figured this was the best way to respond for now, I didn't want things getting miscommunicated or what not. Plus I'm currently on my way to class. Noy the best timing. Anyway, I guess I just need some advice about how to talk to him about this in the best way. Also, I don't really know much about the army at all, so anything you think I should know before starting this converstation, that would be awesome Thanks so much in advance!
    started dating: 12/08/12
    "i love you": 04/12/13
    el paso: 07/24/13 - 08/05/13
    montreal: 12/13/13 - 01/03/14
    el paso: 01/05/14 - 01/19/14
    montreal: 05/30/14 - 07/27/14
    el paso: 07/27/14 - 08/18/14
    el paso: 12/27/14 - 01/16/15
    el paso: 06/02/15 - 08/17/15
    san antonio: 02/04/16 - 02/08/16
    san antonio/el paso: 06/03/16 - 06/21/16
    Tags: None
    #2
    I've never been part of an army and know absolutely 0 about the US army, but yeah that does seem out of the blue.

    Of course this was a few days ago, any update on how that turned out?

    Comment

      #3
      He knew I was worried about it, even if I didn't say it. He said he knows I don't want him to do it, so he won't. It's still kind of a back up plan. But I'm uncomfortable with him not wanting to do it because I'm worried about it. I told him I wanted him to do whatever made him happy, and if that was it, I'd support him. I can't remember what he responded, but he hasn't brought it up since.
      started dating: 12/08/12
      "i love you": 04/12/13
      el paso: 07/24/13 - 08/05/13
      montreal: 12/13/13 - 01/03/14
      el paso: 01/05/14 - 01/19/14
      montreal: 05/30/14 - 07/27/14
      el paso: 07/27/14 - 08/18/14
      el paso: 12/27/14 - 01/16/15
      el paso: 06/02/15 - 08/17/15
      san antonio: 02/04/16 - 02/08/16
      san antonio/el paso: 06/03/16 - 06/21/16

      Comment

        #4
        I do agree that choosing not to do what one wants to do as far as any occupation goes is a steadfast way to create resentment within a relationship. I don't know your SO or what he's like. The Army can be an excellent way to add a sense of direction and purpose to one's life if he or she is currently lacking one. There are a lot of options as far as what branch/status one chooses, not just the active duty you're probably imagining. Even still, there are many benefits associated with being active duty.

        What are your fears, exactly? I'm in the Army and my SO's in the Army so I can pretty much answer any kind of question you may have.

        Comment

          #5
          I think my fear is really just the fear of the unknown. I did not grow up with people around me who knew about the army, like he did. I have no idea what it's like or what kind of thing he'd be doing if he joins the air force, etc. We've had very limited time to talk the past couple days, so the subject has not come up again. Like you said, Goyangi, I do not want him to end up resenting me because he thinks I don't want him to join. I trust him to do what he thinks is best for himself, and for us, but I would really rather I have details of what/why/when... I'll just have to wait for my opportunity to talk clearly about this if/when it comes up again.
          started dating: 12/08/12
          "i love you": 04/12/13
          el paso: 07/24/13 - 08/05/13
          montreal: 12/13/13 - 01/03/14
          el paso: 01/05/14 - 01/19/14
          montreal: 05/30/14 - 07/27/14
          el paso: 07/27/14 - 08/18/14
          el paso: 12/27/14 - 01/16/15
          el paso: 06/02/15 - 08/17/15
          san antonio: 02/04/16 - 02/08/16
          san antonio/el paso: 06/03/16 - 06/21/16

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by alittlemind View Post
            I think my fear is really just the fear of the unknown. I did not grow up with people around me who knew about the army, like he did. I have no idea what it's like or what kind of thing he'd be doing if he joins the air force, etc. We've had very limited time to talk the past couple days, so the subject has not come up again. Like you said, Goyangi, I do not want him to end up resenting me because he thinks I don't want him to join. I trust him to do what he thinks is best for himself, and for us, but I would really rather I have details of what/why/when... I'll just have to wait for my opportunity to talk clearly about this if/when it comes up again.
            I'd ask him what his motivations are to join the army and really consider the implications of joining the army at such a young age. Also, make sure you ask him about his education: Does he plan to go? Is he using the army to shield himself from that? I know these all may sound like silly questions but life after the army isn't always easy if you're not a lifer.Talk about his interests and skills, if he's willing to make a commitment, and to make sure that he has a plan for after. Really understand why he wants to join the army and also research it and take an interest so you can discuss it and become comfortable with the idea if he chooses to pursue this.

            Comment

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