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I'm sorry you're going through this! I think everyone has given you some great advice though. I would like to add that sometimes, the stressors of the military get to people. I see it all the time; people are going great or not and then there's a huge shift! A lot of people get together rather quickly and some get married fast too. I think that it's good he was at least honest and didn't lead you on for months or anything. It gets lonely being away from family and friends and I'm sure it's even harder for him since he is away from his daughters. I don't doubt that he had feelings for you and it does suck that they changed quickly but keep in mind that other things could be occurring in his life or he realized that he isn't in the place to be in a relationship. I know none of this makes you hurt less though.
The military is a tough life and long distance relationships are tough, some people just cannot handle one or both and he could be one of those. I hope you'll give yourself time to heal and know that you didn't do anything wrong. It sounds like you were really trying and giving the relationship a lot of effort.
I am sorry. Some guys can go all in, talk about kids & future and still don't know what they are doing. They can even be very much in love but have no way of handling it in any good way. It may console you to know he might be feeling even more confused then you are... Still you deserve better. I do not think he will give you the closure you are looking for. You must decide in your heart that you feel it is over. There is no need to tell him, even talk to him. He will just drag you into his confusing world. I understand it is painful and confusing. Possably some day you may meet someone who does not have this problem with comitting. Regardless, take care of yourself and don't care about what happens after March, because after March he will still be the same man with a confused heart and it is not much to offer any girl.
Hey, I'm really sorry this happened to you, especially so close to Christmas. I did wonder what had happened to you after you didn't come online for a bit.
Sometimes things go very well and then, seemingly for no reason, the other person decides it's not what works for them. A man I dated for a while told me that I was "amazing" and "the woman he's been waiting for for ten years" and then a month later said I had "read too much into his intentions" and that he was "never serious about me." I still don't know what happened or why things changed so quickly, and really I wish someone had told me to stop thinking about it so much, because trying to over-analyze things that would lead up to the break up just uses brain power and wears on you, emotionally. I agree that you shouldn't hold out until March, don't give him excuses because he is busy. I believe that in a relationship, people can call it quits at any time, and the reason may be as simple as it not working for them. So take him at face value and try to start healing.
I wish you all the best of luck! Feel free to PM me again if you want
Hi Ejoriah,
I'm so sorry. I had issues with my modem and this and that trying to get online. Then this happens it's like can I get a break. No reason for you to say sorry but thank you.
I apologize that you had to go through the above. With that said though guess it was a good thing because look how happy you are now. I'm not trying to hold out till March, but at the same time I'm not trying to meet anyone else. I have some hope that we might, but everyday that goes away a little more. I knew about his visiting his girls that was before I even went to visit him. The school is new, and anyway still distance whether he is at home or away at school. To me it shouldn't matter. But like he said, so many things on his mind and going on. I mean I don't know what to think/feel. I hurt and then at the same time I'm just cold.
Last message I sent him was Sunday evening. I told myself that I wouldn't contact him. Well I had a moment today at lunch and I just couldn't get passed it.
me: At lunch...just wanted to say hello. I hope that's okay. How was your flight?
him: miserable
me: Why so bad? The outcome was worth it.
him: Yeah but it hurts my ears to fly
me: Im sorry babe. Is there anything you can do to protect them?
no response
me: I don't want to interrupt or make you feel awkward. Had thought about you. I hope that is okay with you.
no response
me: Well time for me to return back to work. Please let me know if you have an issue with today. Enjoy your afternoon. Hope to ttyl or another day. If you don't want to please say so. Big hugs and lots of fun for you and your girls.
no response
I didn't send anything after that. I was glad he did respond some but, I didn't want to get excited or sad. One is as bad as the other.
Still so lost and idk, just hard. I just wish I could wiggle my nose and have us together again.
I admire that you let him have his time with his girls. That's kind of you.
It sounds like you're really hurting. Please take time for yourself. Remember, we're here for you! Evenings are really hard for me as well...there's just something about them. Find a way to knock yourself out (not literally). Try going to bed early and as quickly as possible. SEt goals for yourself every day, and find a reason to smile. Go out with friends. Remember that there are people out there that will always love you (cue corny Whitney Houston reference). I'm always here if you need to talk.
Well I am a Mom and I would hate to know someone interrupted my time. Besides I have respect and will always. Yes hurting pretty bad, but something I will just have to accept. Thank you for your response again I really appreciate it. Hope your having a wonderful day.
Hey, I'm really sorry this happened to you, especially so close to Christmas. I did wonder what had happened to you after you didn't come online for a bit.
Sometimes things go very well and then, seemingly for no reason, the other person decides it's not what works for them. A man I dated for a while told me that I was "amazing" and "the woman he's been waiting for for ten years" and then a month later said I had "read too much into his intentions" and that he was "never serious about me." I still don't know what happened or why things changed so quickly, and really I wish someone had told me to stop thinking about it so much, because trying to over-analyze things that would lead up to the break up just uses brain power and wears on you, emotionally. I agree that you shouldn't hold out until March, don't give him excuses because he is busy. I believe that in a relationship, people can call it quits at any time, and the reason may be as simple as it not working for them. So take him at face value and try to start healing.
I wish you all the best of luck! Feel free to PM me again if you want
Here comes the tears. Evenings are really hard for me. This is the time we always spent together. Not to mention we have never went an entire day with out any kind of communication. If only....
In response to your previous post and this one:
You are most welcome!
I admire that you let him have his time with his girls. That's kind of you.
It sounds like you're really hurting. Please take time for yourself. Remember, we're here for you! Evenings are really hard for me as well...there's just something about them. Find a way to knock yourself out (not literally). Try going to bed early and as quickly as possible. SEt goals for yourself every day, and find a reason to smile. Go out with friends. Remember that there are people out there that will always love you (cue corny Whitney Houston reference). I'm always here if you need to talk.
Here comes the tears. Evenings are really hard for me. This is the time we always spent together. Not to mention we have never went an entire day with out any kind of communication. If only....
OP, I think you're right not to interfere, especially during this holiday season. That might stress him out more.
It seems that he's trying to be evasive by answering vaguely. He might be the type that doesn't really like discussing this sort of stuff. I'm sorry to say this, but it sounds like your relationship is over. There's always a chance that you could get back together, but I wouldn't count on it.
Glad that you came here to let go of your thoughts. Please take care of yourself. And remember, eat lots of chocolate.
I don't care what time of year it is I would never interfere with his girls. To me that is 100% disrespectful. I would love if he called or texted me, but even if I had the desire I wouldn't.
I know our relationship is over. I'm not counting on us getting back together, but I just think somewhat when he gets everything taken care of and slows down. That he just might realize what we had and actually miss it. We talked about so many things, marriage kids, he even wrote my name with his. I cant put that on here but he used his last name. It was really cute and sweet. I cant hold onto that though. While I try to get over him let my heart heel. I would like to think he is trying to figure things out and realize what he let go.
Thank again for your reply. I really appreciate what you have to say, means a lot to me. Just trying to stay strong, even though my mind and heart are so weak. I will let you have the chocolate, im a diabetic..lol. Thanks for the hug, really appreciate it.
I am sorry, I know it's hurtful, but you let go. According to your info, this was a very new relationship anyway, it's not worth it to sit around waiting until March. Cut your losses, and cut contact (that's important, whether you want to or not), he's shown himself to be unreliable and not where he needs to be in this point in life, so just let it go, and move on. Go find yourself a guy you can rely on, and that knows what he wants. Good luck.
Thank you I really appreciate your reply. Means a lot to me. It was a new relationship, but I fell in love with him. Everything just felt perfect, and now. Well idk, using his words. I'm not sitting around waiting, but I have no desire to move on. Best just for me to stay single. Keeping an open mind that maybe he will come around, but not trying to dwell in it either. I think about March because that's when all he needs to do will be over. But to sit by the phone and wait, no I will not ever due. I just have the hope still we could possibly work out. I messaged him for the last time I told myself last night. He chose for whatever reason not to respond and still nothing today. There is nothing more I can say that he doesn't already know. Like I said just have the hope that he will realize and miss the good woman that he knows he had. Im so confused by him, but again I will not just sit. I have cried and got upset and all that's going to do is hurt myself. Thanks, but will be a while before I totally try to move on. Not dwelling on him, but the desire of another man makes me nautious...lol.
I'm sorry I'm of the opinion though, that when someone says they want out of a relationship, you should always believe them. Yes, sometimes it comes from a place of stress or heartache, and yes, sometimes people get back together. And if that happens, great. But it won't help you heal if you're holding onto that hope.
Don't take his wanting to keep the cards as a sign. He probably has good memories of the time you were together and wants a reminder of that. I admit that a card received after you've broken up is an odd memento, but that's likely all he sees it as.
Now is not the time to be looking for ways to get back together, now is the time to take a moment for yourself and start the healing process. You can't predict what will happen in the future so you have to focus on right now.
I'm truly sorry you're hurting, I wish you all the best.
I don't doubt that he didn't want to be in a relationship, I just don't understand why and all the pulling I did to get answers still leaves me confused. This just happened Friday so I do still have some hope because its recent. As well even if I didn't have hope I don't plan on moving on that quick. When you love someone you cant just get over in a few days.
I don't take him keeping the cards as a sign. It just doesn't make logic to me, if not together why keep. Its not like he was given them prior. Which he does still have one of those. I had asked him to please throw the cards away when he gets them with the prior one I gave him. He said he still had the prior and was going to read the others. That is just really awkward to me. That doesn't give me hope just really confuses me.
I would love for us to be together, I miss him with all my heart. But Im not trying to get us back together. That is a choice we both have to make, not something I can do alone. He knows the way I feel, he just has to make his mind up in what he wants to do or not.
I have cried my eyes out, gotten angry, listened to songs that made me cry. But for the most part I think I have been doing good. My heart hurts, but im trying my best to be strong. I can't change a persons mind, and I refuse to try to change someone. I want him the way he is, never would try to change him.
I have no desire to meet/or talk to anyone else. Just taking this time for myself, and part of me still wonders if or even possible.
I want to have faith just same time do not plan on setting myself up for failure. Thank you for your reply and your words I really appreciate them.
I am sorry, I know it's hurtful, but you let go. According to your info, this was a very new relationship anyway, it's not worth it to sit around waiting until March. Cut your losses, and cut contact (that's important, whether you want to or not), he's shown himself to be unreliable and not where he needs to be in this point in life, so just let it go, and move on. Go find yourself a guy you can rely on, and that knows what he wants. Good luck.
To your first point, Moon, I noticed that too.
OP, I think you're right not to interfere, especially during this holiday season. That might stress him out more.
It seems that he's trying to be evasive by answering vaguely. He might be the type that doesn't really like discussing this sort of stuff. I'm sorry to say this, but it sounds like your relationship is over. There's always a chance that you could get back together, but I wouldn't count on it.
Glad that you came here to let go of your thoughts. Please take care of yourself. And remember, eat lots of chocolate. -Lori
I am sorry, I know it's hurtful, but you let go. According to your info, this was a very new relationship anyway, it's not worth it to sit around waiting until March. Cut your losses, and cut contact (that's important, whether you want to or not), he's shown himself to be unreliable and not where he needs to be in this point in life, so just let it go, and move on. Go find yourself a guy you can rely on, and that knows what he wants. Good luck.
You're right to think that something is definitely up. However, it seems odd that he would keep replying like that. I would say that you deserve some sort of closure...I mean, constantly saying 'I don't know' is not okay. Are you talking on the phone, or through text? I would call him if the latter is true.
It seems that you're trying to cut contact, which seems like a good idea if this really doesn't work out. I wish you luck, nonetheless.
I don't know whats going on. Does he need to clear his mind because of business who knows. Technically we are not together anymore. He says he still cares and doesn't want to say bye. He did give me reasons, but they don't make sense when followed by idk. He is in Missouri right now with his girls and will return on the 5th. This was on the phone, we did Skype before but not these conversations. Call him for what?
I do not want to cut contact at all, but for now I have to. He is with his girls on leave for Christmas break. I refuse to message him or try to call. That is special time, he has not seen them since July. I don't know his girls but I have the upmost respect and would never even consider calling or texting. To me that would be looked down upon.
I have been just trying to clear my mind and let my heart stop hurting. Thank you for your reply I really appreciate it.
I'm of the opinion though, that when someone says they want out of a relationship, you should always believe them. Yes, sometimes it comes from a place of stress or heartache, and yes, sometimes people get back together. And if that happens, great. But it won't help you heal if you're holding onto that hope.
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