New to Long Distance :)

[thelittlepanda]

Hey!

I have never been in a long distance before and now that I'm in one...I know realize how hard it is. But then again, I now really take care of the time we do talk on the phone and the times we Skype. But despite all that, it's still really hard. I mean my boyfriend is in the military (marines) and he gets to come back for a week soon-ish and then for two weeks about a month after that....and then after that he goes overseas for like six-nine months.

He is my first love and I know I can do this and wait for him and I can see myself with him for a long long time, and its the same for him.

But, to all you long distance people in military long distance relationships can I get some insight on how you deal with them being overseas and just being away and all that? That would be a loads helpful for me. I really wanna talk to people who can understand and relate to me.

Thanks bunches <3

[Redheart14]

Hi and welcome

[Astysuphos]

Hi and welcome! Umm I think i'm just living my days day by day and i dont really have tips on how to survive... xD I'm sorry im not being much of a big help now XDD I would say spend time with friends and family as much as possible and write down how you feel. Its nice since u can let it out and its fun to read back.

[R&R]

I'm not currently in an LDR with someone int the military, but I have been before. It takes a strong person to be the SO of someone who is active military. The military literally owns them. I could call my ex-SO and he wouldn't be there because he had an unplanned emergency that had to be dealt with and he could be gone from a couple of days to a month. Due to where he had to go, that usually meant no contact until he got back. The best advice his friends would give me "we can't tell you where he is but just avoid watching the news until you hear from him". Fabulous. When they are out in the field training, their cell phone isn't going with them.

We were in an LDR before it was considered a big deal to be in one. Your SO was in the military and you just dealt with it. If you were lucky, you made friends with their friends SO's so you had someone to talk with or visit. (I spent one NYE at Ft. Bragg and it was just all of us girls because all of the guys were deployed at the time.) It's going to have to be a change in your normal way of thinking. You do not come first. You get what you get. You communicate when you can and make the most if it when it's available. Make sure your individual life is full and busy. Don't make him worry or stress about you. He has enough to worry about without you or your relationship being one more thing he has to deal with - he should be seeing it as a positive thing and not a stressful thing. Write letters, send care packages and be supportive.

[whatruckus]

I'm not currently in an LDR with someone int the military, but I have been before. It takes a strong person to be the SO of someone who is active military. The military literally owns them. I could call my ex-SO and he wouldn't be there because he had an unplanned emergency that had to be dealt with and he could be gone from a couple of days to a month. Due to where he had to go, that usually meant no contact until he got back. The best advice his friends would give me "we can't tell you where he is but just avoid watching the news until you hear from him". Fabulous. When they are out in the field training, their cell phone isn't going with them.

We were in an LDR before it was considered a big deal to be in one. Your SO was in the military and you just dealt with it. If you were lucky, you made friends with their friends SO's so you had someone to talk with or visit. (I spent one NYE at Ft. Bragg and it was just all of us girls because all of the guys were deployed at the time.) It's going to have to be a change in your normal way of thinking. You do not come first. You get what you get. You communicate when you can and make the most if it when it's available. Make sure your individual life is full and busy. Don't make him worry or stress about you. He has enough to worry about without you or your relationship being one more thing he has to deal with - he should be seeing it as a positive thing and not a stressful thing. Write letters, send care packages and be supportive.

This.

My SO is a Vet and I met him after he had already been deployed and came home (like 3 years later). I don't know what your SO's specialty is, but depending on the specialty and if he sees combat or not, be prepared to deal with the PTSD that comes with them coming home. My SO was Combat Infantry and went to Iraq. It's extremely hard to be with someone who's in the military, let alone someone who has PTSD, but imagine the 2 together. Do any, and all, the research you can about PTSD and Veterans. So you can understand him a little bit better when he gets back. They will not be the same.

Be prepared for him not to trust you. There's a huge stigma about MilSO's and everyone's girl cheating on them when they go overseas. It happened to my SO with his ex, and he was engaged to her. It happened to a lot of his "brothers" too. So, pretty much, they write off a lot of women as going to cheat on them and leave them. It's harsh for me to say, but it's true. Even when my SO and I got together, he assumed I was going to leave him like every girl he'd been with. I also met him when he was still in the Army, but he was National Guard.

[thelittlepanda]

Hi and welcome! Umm I think i'm just living my days day by day and i dont really have tips on how to survive... xD I'm sorry im not being much of a big help now XDD I would say spend time with friends and family as much as possible and write down how you feel. Its nice since u can let it out and its fun to read back.

thank you so much! I should probably start writing down how i feel, I usually keep it all with me like inside my head. lol. small help or large help..you are still a help

[thelittlepanda]

I'm not currently in an LDR with someone int the military, but I have been before. It takes a strong person to be the SO of someone who is active military. The military literally owns them. I could call my ex-SO and he wouldn't be there because he had an unplanned emergency that had to be dealt with and he could be gone from a couple of days to a month. Due to where he had to go, that usually meant no contact until he got back. The best advice his friends would give me "we can't tell you where he is but just avoid watching the news until you hear from him". Fabulous. When they are out in the field training, their cell phone isn't going with them.

We were in an LDR before it was considered a big deal to be in one. Your SO was in the military and you just dealt with it. If you were lucky, you made friends with their friends SO's so you had someone to talk with or visit. (I spent one NYE at Ft. Bragg and it was just all of us girls because all of the guys were deployed at the time.) It's going to have to be a change in your normal way of thinking. You do not come first. You get what you get. You communicate when you can and make the most if it when it's available. Make sure your individual life is full and busy. Don't make him worry or stress about you. He has enough to worry about without you or your relationship being one more thing he has to deal with - he should be seeing it as a positive thing and not a stressful thing. Write letters, send care packages and be supportive.

thank you so much for writing back! I like hearing from lasting LDR's, my head is held high and me and my guy both want this to really work, but it's night to hear from others that have been making it work for much longer yeah he sends me flowers and what not..and i recently sent him a valentines day gift and a week ago sent him a random because i love you gift. he is super corny and loves that stuff. I really do try to not make him worry about me, him not being here does give me a lot of free time (boy free time) to get things done, like my writing and what not. He will be going overseas soon and I'm just trying to prepare for that since our communication has been so continuous as of right now, so I know it is going to decrease dramatically.

again thank you so much!!

[thelittlepanda]

This.

My SO is a Vet and I met him after he had already been deployed and came home (like 3 years later). I don't know what your SO's specialty is, but depending on the specialty and if he sees combat or not, be prepared to deal with the PTSD that comes with them coming home. My SO was Combat Infantry and went to Iraq. It's extremely hard to be with someone who's in the military, let alone someone who has PTSD, but imagine the 2 together. Do any, and all, the research you can about PTSD and Veterans. So you can understand him a little bit better when he gets back. They will not be the same.

Be prepared for him not to trust you. There's a huge stigma about MilSO's and everyone's girl cheating on them when they go overseas. It happened to my SO with his ex, and he was engaged to her. It happened to a lot of his "brothers" too. So, pretty much, they write off a lot of women as going to cheat on them and leave them. It's harsh for me to say, but it's true. Even when my SO and I got together, he assumed I was going to leave him like every girl he'd been with. I also met him when he was still in the Army, but he was National Guard.

i dont believe he sees combat. I know he does alot of radio work and what not. Aside from all you've said, i'm trying to learn about the marines all that i can, just so i can be somewhat informed in the generality of what he is in and what not. He has never had a long distance relationship before and neither have i...we both have been cheated on though. but we both trust each other entirely. BUT! I completely understand where you are coming from, my SO has told me stories about his buddies and what they have been through with girls.

thank you so much for responding!

[jenlee11]

Welcome to the life!
My boyfriend has been deployed- and to be honest the worst part was just the time difference and the duty days. He had duty every 3rd day so I didn't get to talk to him then. The time difference sucked because he'd get off work when I was asleep and I'd wake up to talk to him.
He'll be stressed, he'll be tired, he might even get into bad moods- wouldn't you? Just have to be understanding when you do talk to him, and be supportive. My boyfriend couldn't really tell me about his day, so I got a lot of "I hate this place". Which made me worry, and made me anxious. But it'll pass. It's only temporary.
Just cherish the time you get to talk to him and make it count. And if there are days that he doesn't get online or talk to you- my advice is just let it go. I don't know your boyfriend or his situation but mine was just really.. touchy to say the least.
It won't be all bad, though. Some days were like normal days for us, just at a weird time and a weird place. We'd still laugh on Skype and talk about normal stuff.

[VanessaBrooks]

There are lots of ways that you can be truly intimate with a person that do not include sex at all.
Long-distance relationships often require more effort from each partner to keep the relationship healthy. You'll have to make time for each other when you're busy, talk when you don't feel like talking, and spend time and money on travel. Recognizing this and respecting its importance will make for a healthier, more intimate relationship.

[VanessaBrooks]

There are lots of ways that you can be truly intimate with a person that do not include sex at all.
Long-distance relationships often require more effort from each partner to keep the relationship healthy. You'll have to make time for each other when you're busy, talk when you don't feel like talking, and spend time and money on travel. Recognizing this and respecting its importance will make for a healthier, more intimate relationship.

[Jocelyn]

My marine left this week for MOS and I can't help but feel lonely and already yearning for him to come back. How do you get over these feelings?