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Family against anything LDR related, any advice would be really appreciated!

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    Family against anything LDR related, any advice would be really appreciated!

    Hello everyone. I have a problem, any advice you could give me would really be appreciated! Sorry for this being so long.

    I met her on a chat site around the end of last year, maybe around November or December, and we talked for a little while. We were both 14, now I'm 15 and she turns 15 in November. We did stuff like role play, she sat on my lap and stuff, but it wasn't based on romance, it was supposed to be a friendly thing. But after talking to her for a while, I developed feelings for her. But the thing was, she didn't have feelings for me. One night, we decided to ask our friend about her sitting on my lap and all (the role play). Our friend immediately thought we liked each other. The moment was awkward, because she said she didn't like me that way. I think that I did deny liking her as well, because I didn't want to make the moment even more awkward, given that the feelings weren't mutual.

    I decided later on to confess my feelings to her. We talked about it twice. It was hard but I did it. I'm not quite sure what happened after that, we talked like usual, and I tried not to let my feelings get the best of me. On the chat site, there were people that showed their real pictures, there were people that posed as famous people, then there were people that didn't exactly have any real picture at all, called toons. From time to time toons would private chat with us saying stuff that involved dating. We would always joke, I would be like "Looks like I have competition" whenever a toon private chatted with her about dating.

    One night, a toon private chatted/ private messaged (whichever you prefer) her saying that she was his wife. I said "It looks like I have competition." She said "You don't have competition, I'm yours." We continued on talking with her saying that she didn't see how she was his wife considering he just went offline and all, and sooner or later, I asked her to be my wife, got on one knee and proposed and all that (role play of course). We soon confirmed with each other that we were in fact dating and it wasn't just a thing for fun. We started dating on March 30th.

    We dated for a month. My family (my mom, dad and older sister) do not want me dating yet. My dad especially would most likely prefer for me to date after school is completely over for me, meaning that I'm done with college and any extra school I have to go through after that. I'm not quite sure about her situation (the girl I love) but I know that her mom doesn't want her dating yet. We thought about this a lot, since I knew that if we continued doing this and things went the way I thought they would, we would eventually have to explain to our parents about our online relationship. After talking to her and several adults about it, we decided to break up. We made it to April 30th, but we also broke up on that day, at almost 2AM.

    It turns out, that day came sooner than we thought. Apparently her mother saw my name come up on her phone and asked her about who I was. She told her mom pretty much everything, about how we met on the chat site, how we dated, and the feelings she had for me. She said that her mom took it well, yet she still isn't allowed to date yet, as far as I know. As for me, I decided to tell my parents. Well, my father knows. I wrote this 2 and a half page thing about my thoughts concerning her and all of the people I met online. He now knows that I had and still have feelings for her, he knows about us dating, he knows about us breaking up, and he knows that we met online as well. Overall I think he took it well, yet I'm still not allowed to date until after college.

    There is another reason I wrote that long 2 and a half page thing. It's due to the fact that my family doesn't seem to like that I met people online. They made me stop communicating with everyone I met online, including the girl I still have feelings for. It made me feel really bad having to leave them and I still feel bad. My family just doesn't believe that there are real people online, at least that's what my older sister said. My father is still the only one that knows I had feelings for anyone online, and if my sister and brother in law find out, I know that things will only get worse. I just don't know what to do. Anything I say goes nowhere. I talked to her and my friends through phone, had them on Facebook as well as followed some of them on Twitter, and I even saw a few through webcam. We've all seen pictures of each other too.

    Anything I say does me no good. It gets me nowhere, my family sticks to their decision. Yet whenever I tell them I'm thinking about it, they tell me to forget about it, forget about them. My sister doesn't even seem to consider them as real people. She thinks of them as imaginary friends since I haven't met them in real life. I just don't know what to do. I know that for a fact that the girl I dated will move on if things stay like this. I don't want to let her go, it hurts to think of her with anyone else but me. But things don't look like they will change anytime soon. Any advice would really be appreciated.

    #2
    I am sorry you are dealing with such a tough thing. Distance isn't a fun thing in a relationship, and meeting someone online makes it that much harder. While I can understand where your parents are coming from, I also understand your predicament. I met my boyfriend online on a virtual pet simulation. It is rather nerdy I must say. We talked for all of three days, and then we began dating on March 13th, 2012. My parents didn't know for about a month, and when they found out they weren't too supportive. You see, the majority of my friends are online. I go to an online high school program, so I don't go out to school, so I am unable to make "real friends" that way.

    I think trying to convince your parents at this very moment would be too difficult. Wait a bit. You could also try to show them that you are mature enough for a relationship, and you can stay on top of things like school work and such, even when you are in a relationship. It can be hard for parents to understand these things, because in their eyes you are their baby, and they want you to stay that way. No matter what, you will always be their baby. So it is difficult for some parents to say "Holy cow, my baby is dating now!"

    I think if it really comes down to it, just talk to her regardless. I know it isn't the best thing to go behind your parents back. But if you really do love her, and you want to keep this thing going, it may be necessary. I understand that having online friends can be great. I know what you mean there, man.

    Try to work with your parents to prove things to them. Prove them wrong, and show them that online friends are a fine thing to have. Maybe if you introduce them to some of your online friends they will realize that they are real people, rather than pixels behind a screen.

    I wish you the best of luck!

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      #3
      The best thing for you to do is keep talking to her. I know it's hard having parents that don't want you to talk to people that you've never met. I think a lot of parents are like that, and it's even worse because you're so young. My parents were the same way with me when I started talking to my boyfriend. I met him on xbox, and even before we were going out, my parents tried to put an end to us talking because they were afraid he was like a pedophile =p I was frustrated with them, and entirely upset because we were just friends. So, I kept talking to him against their wishes. I'm not saying it's the best thing to do, but if you really care about this person like you say, I'd make the effort. If I had stopped talking to my bf when they wanted me to, I would have never gotten to know him better and fallen for him. It's going to be tough. But eventually, it will come to the point where they'll see they can't really do anything to stop you. That's what happened with me. My mom went from hating my boyfriend to having 20 minute conversations with him on the phone lol I have to fight her to get it away just so I can talk to him =p
      As for not being able to date...technically you wouldn't really be dating. I mean, it's not like you'd be going out on actual dates....so I don't see why that should bother them. And I'm sorry that everyone tells you people you meet aren't real. I've also had my family tell me that. It bugged me, and hurt actually, to hear them say that about someone I came to care so much about. But, I've learned to just ignore it and keep strong with your relationship. The more time that goes on and you start doing things like talking on the phone, skyping, and sending gifts etc., it becomes more real. Then, they sort of have to stop talking.
      I hope this helps, at least a little. Good luck with your girl (:

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        #4
        I completely agree with both Dustin and CaroljnaGirl, I went thought the same exact thing as them and yeah my parents did find out the first time and cut all ties to my bf and then I still went behind their back to talk to him and Im somewhat glad and not glad that I did, I'm glad because I got to learn more about my bf and a fall in love with him but I'm not glad about the circumstances in which this all had taken place. My bf tried sending me a ring once for me and my parents found out the second time and this time my dad had a major blowout at me Dx but even still now I talk with my bf because when your in love, you never give up or lose faith because we all know that one day it can get better. Like I've said before, I've talked with my bf on Skype and we text often. I have met him online as well, he lives in London and I in Chicago, we've been together for 1 year and 1 month. The last time my parents found out about him was almost 5 months ago and yeah I've lost a lot of trust from my parents but I'm slowly gaining it back, but I don't ever regret meeting my bf and I'm still fighting strong to be with him. So trust your heart and do what you think is right. Good Luck (:

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          #5
          My mother is insanely against my boyfriend and I dating. She thinks I "need a boy to take me out on dates and pay for me". I don't know where parent's come from.. If they say more about it, just bring up something about "would you rather i date a girl here who I can do stuff with?" XD

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            #6
            I know how you feel my boyfriend is in South Carolina and my family hates the idea of LDR's and they hate the fact that I'm with him

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