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Slightly distant lately or Phase?

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    Teens Slightly distant lately or Phase?

    Hey everyone as you can tell I'm new to the forums.

    So basically here's the deal. Me and my long distance friend (though we're more of best friends at this point)have known each other for four years, but only became very close since August of 2012, and romantically interested around September or October of 2012. We met online through a mutual friend at the time, and we have never seen each other in real life. Anyways, he confessed his feelings to me in late September or early October, and said that now that he really got to know me very personally (before we would talk maybe once every few months because he had a girlfriend) he realized that I was just as beautiful on the inside as I was on the outside. He asked me to try LDR, but me being cautious of LDR relationships, I said when he came to see me, we would decide then and there. But I told him I had feelings for him as well. We haven't missed a day since then of talking at least via text, and almost every day we call and Skype each other. Since we talked almost 24/7, we did finally reach that stage where we weren't in the super honeymoon stage anymore (even though we haven't dated, but it feels like we have, just not officially). That was I believe during January. He still tells me he feels crazy about me and wants me to live with him ASAP and wants us to be married after we finish school, (however he is in the military right now). We talk(ed) about our life during marriage and children and it sounds perfect, meaning we want the same things.

    However end of last month and this entire month, we seem to talk less and less and have close to nothing to talk about. I still feel strongly for him and he talked a lot about being able to visit this or next month, but now he doesn't ever talk about it. Whenever I ask when he's coming, he says he has to get his tax returns first and then plan out leave, but they haven't come yet. He still texts and calls and asks to skype everyday, but he texts maybe 5-10 texts per day because he sends one text maybe once every 1-2 hours, and that's after he gets off work. He'll call me and we talk for maybe 5 minutes now, and then he asks to skype. We used to be crazy and always talk or play video games, but now, all we have really done is talk and show each other funny videos that we talk about. That's on a good day. Recently, he'll get on skype, and then just start watching videos and ignoring me, or playing video games that I don't have with his guy friends. I give him PLENTY of time to simply be with friends and don't ever complain. But now he uses time to be with them during our time. Today, he called me on skype, and talked to me for maybe 4 minutes. I tried to be as lively and talkative, but he got a text from his friends and then said, "Hey can I text you?" That basically meant, his friend asked him to go do something and he isn't going to text me till God knows when.

    I feel sad about this. Do you think his feelings for me are fading? Or he's bored with me? He's never hinted at that and seriously acts like he's so seriously into me. He even said he is in love with me multiple times. But lately...not so much. Should I say something? What do you think?
    -Kiki
    Last edited by kikidee; February 16, 2013, 02:13 AM.

    #2
    Well if you've been devoting every single day to phone calls/Skype since September, it's possible that he's at a point where he feels like it's... too much? As opposed to setting aside time to Skype every day, have you considered having one date night, and then maybe you two can talk on the phone a few times a week? That way, there are only 3 or 4 nights or so that are strictly dedicated to you, and so he has the other 3 or 4 to do what he pleases, either with friends or on his own, and you two can text message on those days. I would say that what you two are experiencing is relatively normal. Eventually people get tired of doing the every day thing and sometimes it happens to one before the other. It doesn't relate to feelings at all, but it can sometimes get in the way and sometimes you simply want to do something else. I would, however, recommend talking to him about it. Communication is key and being able to talk to him about things like this is important. I wouldn't say you need to worry too much, though. This all sounds pretty normal and what happens to people when they fall out of the lovey dovey phase of things.

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      #3
      I think it's normal for the conversation to start fizzling out a bit if you've talked 24/7 since you met. It happened to my SO and I as well. Our texts just became monotonous and our phone calls were filled with some silences but we got through it alright.

      As for texting make a list of everything you want to tell him throughout the day, I know sometimes we can forget and it dulls the conversation, also try role-playing if you guys are into that kind of stuff it's a really fun way to keep in contact but not feel like you have to breathe life into the conversation.

      Phone calls and skype should be limited to simply saying goodnight or whatever for maybe 4 or 5 days out of the week so that way you are both free to enjoy your life without being tied down to your computer and phone, and this way you'll have more to talk about when you do end up calling/skyping.

      Notes:
      Met: 8.17.09
      Started Dating: 8.20.09
      First Met: 10.2.10
      Closed the Distance: 8.9.14

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        #4
        piedpiper, i completely understand, but we never really set a schedule. I never ask him to Skype or anything, I simply text him when he texts me, answer when he calls me, and gets on Skype when he asks me to. Obviously I want to, but I usually leave what he wants us to do up to him because I don't want to sound needy or anything. Honestly I'm fine with even texting. Sorry, we haven't actually skyped every single time, but a lot. He used to go out with his friends once or twice on the weekends and then usually be able to talk to me on of the nights on Skype. But we don't even have that night anymore. But he still texts me everyday and talks affectionately so I figure he still likes me. Thanks for the advice, it put me much more at ease.

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          #5
          Sora, I just realized, the thing is is that it was really cold during winter and he pretty much had to stay in his dorm and didnt do much during the weekends so I guess that's why we got more talk and Skype time. Although he loved our talks he would always say he hated having to sit in his room almost all day. Now since its warmed up he and his friends have been going out and playing sports, so I think he's probably just excited to be out and about all day and be with his boys. A lot of times he actually apologized for not talking to me much some days but I told him I was happy he had such good days with his friends (and this was legitimately true) Ill def tell him we don't need to Skype or call that much anymore. I was thinking of introducing the "issue" by asking if he was bored of me, but do you think that's not the right way to go about it?

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            #6
            Don't make the presumption that he may think that you're 'boring'. Just ask him what has caused him to not be online as much as during the winter, or something of the like

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              #7
              Well so far I proposed for us to only talk a few nights a week so he can have time to do other things he wants to do. His response? NO. I keep telling him and he just says he's not bored and he wants to talk to me every day. I'm still trying to convince him but he is saying the idea is stupid (and it isn't IMO). We had a nice talk this morning about it and eventually started talking about other things, but I still want to convince him, but he seems to not like the idea /:

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                #8
                Originally posted by kikidee View Post
                Well so far I proposed for us to only talk a few nights a week so he can have time to do other things he wants to do. His response? NO. I keep telling him and he just says he's not bored and he wants to talk to me every day. I'm still trying to convince him but he is saying the idea is stupid (and it isn't IMO). We had a nice talk this morning about it and eventually started talking about other things, but I still want to convince him, but he seems to not like the idea /:
                Well have you explained to him that what you want is to at least set aside one night where you two get quality one-on-one time? Maybe phrasing it in a way that says you want to be able to have quality time with him, without talking for 4 minutes and him leaving to hang out with a friend, and also that you want him to still have time doing what he wants to do. You can text and talk on the phone, even, every day, but maybe Skype can be reserved one night a week and for the nights he spontaneously wants to decide to get on. Maybe explaining that what you're wanting is a date night, where the 4 minutes and then he's off thing isn't repeated, would help him take it less personally?

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                  #9
                  I did. I told him I want to have a quality time set for us to skype, and we can just text each other. this is our conversation continued over text right now-
                  Me: Seriously, choose your days.
                  Him: Monday through Sunday.
                  Me: But we talk for like 5 minutes most days.
                  Him: We talk way more than that. (Though most of the time its us sitting in silence on skype while he and I do something else on the internet because he's watching something or playing a videogame).
                  Me: Well we should just have a certain day to Skype and just text other days.
                  Him: We're talking everyday regardless.
                  Me: Okay but Skype once a week.
                  Him: Seriously, no.

                  I don't know what to do! If I keep pushing I feel like he'll just get irritated. :/ Anyways, I'm at least glad he isn't over me. Thanks so much for the advice guys, I'll see what I can do!
                  Last edited by kikidee; February 16, 2013, 10:14 PM.

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                    #10
                    Well then if he wants to skype with you everyday then that's fine but have one day where he doesn't do anything else but talk to you, no video games, no browsing the internet, no watching videos etc. Have good quality conversations.

                    I think that was is as close to win-win as you guys are going to get. He can see you for little periods of time everyday and you get your one day of good talk time.

                    Notes:
                    Met: 8.17.09
                    Started Dating: 8.20.09
                    First Met: 10.2.10
                    Closed the Distance: 8.9.14

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                      #11
                      Thanks everyone. I think he got the message, we finally had our nights full of quality time, just me and him. He made sure that he wasn't doing anything else on those days. I'm glad you guys helped convince me to talk to him about it, now I think he realizes he should have a few days for me, and he's free the other days. Couldn't be happier!

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                        #12
                        Glad you got it sorted out

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