Hello everyone. I just need to get something off my chest. I can't deal with it at the moment and I constantly have that feeling in my stomach which you get when you go down on a roller coaster. You probably know what I mean.
So, I live in the Netherlands, in the south near Belgium, and my ex lives close to Amsterdam. We had been dating for almost 2 years, of which the first months were awesome, but then it started going downhill. I was a very jealous and controlling person, getting mad when she was online on Whatsapp, talking to someone else, when she wore tight jeans in public, when she was talking to another guy etc etc. We were fighting almost every day, and whenever we were in a discussion, she would talk with a friend of her, showing screenshots of the awful things I used to say to her when I was mad. Her friend eventually passed this on to my ex girlfriend's mother, who, at around March 13th, told my ex to break up with me and told her to never contact me again.
In the meantime, we were still talking through Skype, WhatsApp and so on. We were unsure about our future, however. We never knew if we'd be together ever again, and that feeling just broke our hearts for almost three months straight. We started fighting even more, because she felt like I wasn't giving her enough time to talk with her parents. The point was, though, she never really talked with her parents. Because of that, we never really made progress. Until a few days ago, we got into a really huge argument, because I let out all my emotions and told her that I was sick of her wasting more time and doing nothing. She started hanging out with a well known Dutch YouTuber as well, which made things even more horrible. After that discussion, we broke up and blocked each other everywhere.
My jealous, curious and controlling personality, however, couldn't handle this. I created a new Facebook account so I could check out what she was up to, and yesterday she uploaded a picture of herself with a new t-shirt she had bought. I turned red, my heart was pounding in my chest and I got really angry. I started texting her horrible things, so she unblocked me on WhatsApp and said that she was done with me and that she never wanted to see me again. In the evening, I contacted a friend to ask him to check my ex's last seen, which is very dumb. He told me that she was currently online, and again, I turned red and became furious. I called her, saying that I hate how she is doing perfect while I am sitting here just dying. I started crying so hard, I was feeling so much pain, and she told me that everything was going to be okay. It was a lie, however, because she told that same friend of mine that she was just giving me false hope, because she didn't want to see me cry. That broke me, and the past night I have been crying constantly, not closing an eye throughout the entire night.
Right now, I don't know what to do. I am seriously overweight, I am 1.75cm tall and I weigh 109 kilograms. I have started to seriously lose some weight 3 days ago, and it still is going well, and I hope to keep going. Though, the thougts of her are not fading away, and every time I think of her I get stomach aches. I keep thinking about how we went to Italy last summer, and had the time of our lives et cetera. It's breaking me, I don't know what to do, I'm constantly spying on her Facebook and Instagram, and asking my friend to check her last seen. I want to get over this, get over her, and go on with my life from where I ended once I got into a relationship with her. It's so hard though, and I feel so powerless. Just needed to get this of my chest..
So, I live in the Netherlands, in the south near Belgium, and my ex lives close to Amsterdam. We had been dating for almost 2 years, of which the first months were awesome, but then it started going downhill. I was a very jealous and controlling person, getting mad when she was online on Whatsapp, talking to someone else, when she wore tight jeans in public, when she was talking to another guy etc etc. We were fighting almost every day, and whenever we were in a discussion, she would talk with a friend of her, showing screenshots of the awful things I used to say to her when I was mad. Her friend eventually passed this on to my ex girlfriend's mother, who, at around March 13th, told my ex to break up with me and told her to never contact me again.
In the meantime, we were still talking through Skype, WhatsApp and so on. We were unsure about our future, however. We never knew if we'd be together ever again, and that feeling just broke our hearts for almost three months straight. We started fighting even more, because she felt like I wasn't giving her enough time to talk with her parents. The point was, though, she never really talked with her parents. Because of that, we never really made progress. Until a few days ago, we got into a really huge argument, because I let out all my emotions and told her that I was sick of her wasting more time and doing nothing. She started hanging out with a well known Dutch YouTuber as well, which made things even more horrible. After that discussion, we broke up and blocked each other everywhere.
My jealous, curious and controlling personality, however, couldn't handle this. I created a new Facebook account so I could check out what she was up to, and yesterday she uploaded a picture of herself with a new t-shirt she had bought. I turned red, my heart was pounding in my chest and I got really angry. I started texting her horrible things, so she unblocked me on WhatsApp and said that she was done with me and that she never wanted to see me again. In the evening, I contacted a friend to ask him to check my ex's last seen, which is very dumb. He told me that she was currently online, and again, I turned red and became furious. I called her, saying that I hate how she is doing perfect while I am sitting here just dying. I started crying so hard, I was feeling so much pain, and she told me that everything was going to be okay. It was a lie, however, because she told that same friend of mine that she was just giving me false hope, because she didn't want to see me cry. That broke me, and the past night I have been crying constantly, not closing an eye throughout the entire night.
Right now, I don't know what to do. I am seriously overweight, I am 1.75cm tall and I weigh 109 kilograms. I have started to seriously lose some weight 3 days ago, and it still is going well, and I hope to keep going. Though, the thougts of her are not fading away, and every time I think of her I get stomach aches. I keep thinking about how we went to Italy last summer, and had the time of our lives et cetera. It's breaking me, I don't know what to do, I'm constantly spying on her Facebook and Instagram, and asking my friend to check her last seen. I want to get over this, get over her, and go on with my life from where I ended once I got into a relationship with her. It's so hard though, and I feel so powerless. Just needed to get this of my chest..
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