Teens Should I tell my parents ?

[SomeShyLover]

Hi guys !
Just wanted to say that I've read a lot of posts on this subject but none of them really quite looked like my relationship so I needed to make a post to get advices ^^

So I met my long distance lover 11 months ago, we used to play video games and talk all night long about our lives and we soon realized that we really liked each other, around December. But the thing is, even though we live in the same country, we're still ~1000 thousands miles away. We're both 14 so we're not really free to go and see each other, because of something that really bothers us... our parents. I personnally am afraid my family (especially my older brother) would judge me for being in a long distance relationship and try to make me cut contact with him, and it's the same for him. We just don't want to loose contact, we love each other very much.

We planned on meeting in July 2019 but I didn't tell my parents about anything yet and neither did him, and I don't think my parents will take it well if I introduce them to my lover the day I meet him xD
Also it's a serious relationship, we also planned on living together in 3 years when I finish my high school, because he has a flat in the capital city of our country where we both planned to make our upper studies. Again we're really in love and I'm convinced we're going to make it, but I also fear that it won't be possible without my parents understanding.

And I'm sure they would love him if they knew him ! He's exactly my type and the type my parents would love too ! xD The distance is our only problem I really think he's the love of my life. We told his best friend about our relationshup, and I also told my best friend, and they don't mind it
Still,I'm afraid of my family's judgement. And the distance hurts really bad too. I crave us hugging Maybe, if we tell our parents about it, we'll be able to meet in person sooner ? But I'm afraid of taking the risk. And my mom doesn't like me talking to people I don't know over the internet, she thinks everyone is a pedophile or something. What should I do ?

Thank you for reading ! And sorry if I made mistakes, English isn't my first language

[RWhiz]

At 14 I was completely incapable of making a life long decision. Heck at 49 it's still questionable ��

[MushuChicken]

So, I tend to agree with RWHiz. I will say that 97% of the time, people don't know what or who they want at 14. Now, there are rare exceptions to this. I have a friend who met her husband at 14, and here they are 20 years later, with 5 kids. But, their relationship started out close distance. I have also seen a number of Youtube videos of successful long-term relationships, even marriages that started out LDR and at a young age. But, in most of these cases, they got their parents in on it very early, and got their parents' support on the matter.

You are in a really tough spot. Are you and your SO a part of that 3%? Possibly. You sort of have to....expect the worst in anticipating most relationships that start out at 14 just don't work out. But, also hope for the best, and that your relationship will be one of those diamonds in the rough.

I would encourage you to go read my post about Becoming Official as sort of a warning. I had a LDR when I was 14.....long, long before social media and international LDRs were a thing. I met a guy from the Netherlands on the old Yahoo chat, and we started talking on chat and on the phone. I had to use calling cards, because this even pre-dated cell phones if you could believe it. Ultimately, my parents found out I had been doing all this behind their back, and it was a bad situation. Lots of talking, lots of crying, revoking of phone privileges, computer privileges, I was under lock and key for a long time.

Not that I ever really made a conscious decision, but I think that experience sort of laid the path I've been on my whole life and the one I am currently on: afraid to talk to my parents about potential relationships, definitely unable to talk to them about LDRs, feeling like I need to keep things from them. No, I'm not under their thumb anymore, and I don't need their permission anymore, but psychologically speaking, it's ingrained in me, I think. You don't want to be where I am. You should get your parents involved before they find out themselves...and they WILL find out.

It will be a lot easier to get them on your side if you are proactive about it. If they find out after the fact....there may be no salvaging it. Now...don't get me wrong. Even if you are proactive bout it, you are still facing an uphill battle. They will probably still be hesitant. They will probably still be against it. But, you are at least buying yourself a chance.

Now,I wouldn't say anything about plans....plans to meet, plans to move in together. That will just freak them out more.

Like I said....I can say now, without a doubt, I wasn't ready for any major life decisions at 14. But, if this is truly what you want for your future, getting your parents involved is a good first step

[ChanelMartinez6097]

First you should have proof that he's who he says he is, for your parents, like a video of him, or pics, or ask him to send you a picture holding up 4 fingers. Then give your parents a good reason why you love him. And ask to speak to them in private, without your brother around.