Members with children

[blankita719]

I know we have some similar threads but again, with so many new people I don't think it hurts to refresh every once in awhile!

Do you and/or your SO have children? How do they fit into your relationship? Do they know your SO and/or you?

I have an 8 year old son and my SO has a 17 year old son. Our kids are well aware of our relationship, and are a big part of why we have not closed the distance yet. I don't want that to come across wrong - it's not a complaint, just a fact that our kids come first before we make the decisions to close the distance.

My son loves my SO and his son loves me too - we got very lucky that there are no serious jealousy issues about mom and dad being together. It's a good feeling I hated the woman my dad married after my parents divorced so I try very hard to keep a good relationship between all the men in my life! His son pops in to say good night to us both during Skype chats and my son grabs the phone away from me to talk to my SO to tell him things. It's not always perfect - the boys don't necessarily bond with each other but there's a big difference in ages but they get along well enough. My son is excited about the prospect of having an older step-brother one day.

[leonsfangirl]

I have 2 children with my Ex husband, 9 Year old boy and a 6 year old girl. My SO has no children.

Both children know about my SO, they found out alittle sooner that i would have liked (ex told them) but it's been fine. Before they met him in person they talked on the phone/webcam/MSN. I was concerned when my SO came here as it would disrupt my sons routine and he has Aspergers syndrome so he lives by his routine. My little boy surprised us both, he took it all in his stride and he really bonded with my SO, he even called him Dad a few times by accident. He was quite sad for a few days when my SO had to leave us but he was full of encouragement for us (It's only temporary, he'll be back soon) which was beautiful. When my divorce was made final i sat my son down to explain to him and he said "Yay!...a little bit awww (sad) but mainly yay! That mean you can marry now" Which meant alot to us.

My daughter however, was a different story.
She's very confused, one day she was fine and the next she was very cold. We noticed it was worse when she came home from visiting her father. We think she's conflicted, she likes my SO but feels that she shouldn't because of her father. We also think she maybe jealous of my SO getting some of "her" attention and prior to her meeting my SO she used to tell him she loved him and send hearts,hugs and kisses to him via msn. So we think she may have been upset that he was giving me alot of attention.
She said some very grown up things "you're both naughty! you fell in love when you were married and that's naughty" to me and my SO.
and some very hurtful things "You're going home tomorrow aren't you?.....good because i don't like you" to my SO.

We know it's going to take time but we honestly didn't expect that from her given how she was before he got here. This is a new situation for both of us and we don't know how to deal with it for the best.

[notyourexgirlfriend]

I have a 7yo daughter with my ex husband. She currently lives with him but custody issues still aren't final. My daughter has had a lot of trauma to deal with over the last 22 months. Her father moved on before he even had me packed and out the door ( I had to relocate interstate as I had nowhere to go where I was). My ex friend moved onto the acreage we shared when her relationship with her lesbian partner broke down. She lived in a caravan outside the house. Within 5 weeks of her moving in they both had me moving out. I wasn't able to take my child with me. I won't go into much more detail but this woman I called friend gave my ex an ultimatum to remove me and had basically worked it so she could move in and take over my role which included trying to break my relationship with my child. So, realistically I have two LDRs going. One with my SO and one with my daughter.

My daughter has talked with my SO on a number of occasions. She has seen me with him (when I visited him and he visited me) and I haven't disclosed our relationship completely to her yet because of all of the other stressors she's going through. We (SO and I) don't believe the time is right yet. When the decision regarding custody has been made and the dust settles from that we will again discuss it and see where it goes. My SO understands that my daughter's welfare is paramount and that she comes first no matter what. He has been very accepting of her which is more than I can say for other potential dates in the past.

[LeilaniJoi]

I have a 17 year old still at home in high school and my other children are grown already. My SO has no kids and doesn't want any due to some hereditary health issues he has. It was a worry of mine when we met because at 26 (when we met) I felt like eventually he would want kids but no worries there.

My daughter moved with me when I moved...she insisted actually and she can be quite annoying when she's trying to get something she wants lol Overall though, they get along well. The biggest issue I have is that he's never shared a house with a 17 year old before and a girl at that, so it puts it on me to kind of act as a buffer when he wants to be strict disciplinarian and I'm more the carefree, easy going mom. She's a good kid and I trust her, while he still has this image of him at that age... and all the trouble he got into.

It was a bit rough at first but they have finally worked their relationship out and are friends. She is still close with her father but understands I need to be happy and am... so she's happy for me. It is kind of funny though when she refers to him as the father figure and I guess he is in many ways even though at 17 she has a lot of freedom to make her own choices. Girls in general are tougher to win over I think due to their ties to their fathers and young girls are worse by far until they get the cognitive reasoning ability to be able to understand it is ok to love their father and still love and get along with their mother's SO as well without feeling like they are betraying their other parent.

[mllebamako]

My SO's daughter is 3.5 years old and lives with both of us. I've been in her life for 2 years so we haven't really had the same sort of adjustment issues that a lot of "step-parents" have.
In the beginning of our relationship, she lived with her aunt because my SO wasn't financially able to take care of her. But we still saw her almost everyday. And then about a month ago, she finally moved in with us. It's been a change, but mostly a good one. She and I are really close and we have lots of fun together. Her French is improving everyday and it makes communication between she and I so much easier. In the beginning, she only understood/spoke Bambara and my Bambara was (is still) pretty limited. So mostly I was saying commands to her (sit down, eat, go pee, etc). But ever since starting pre-school and moving in with us, her level of French has skyrocketed and I'm so thankful that we can communicate better now! She also respects me more now and I don't have the same discipline issues I had with her before when we weren't understanding each other.

[Carenza LaRue]

my SO's son is turning 12 soon and my daughter is almost 5

she speaks Dutch and my SO and his son speak English. So far, she has only 'talked' to him through skype....knows his name and says hiya. That's all for now.
my SO and I still have to meet for the first time and I keep her out of it until I am secure if there is a click in real life too.

If there is, we'll be moving to the USA. And there comes the issues with my ex.. because he doesn't like it at all.

[Filly]

I have a 5 year old son and my SO has a 3 year old son. My son is unaware of the fact that I am dating my SO he thinks we are just friends (which is fine for now). I don't want my son to be totally aware of our relationship until it becomes more stable.

As for his son, I am not sure what's happening with his mother I know they are having an issue right now. I know he hasn't revealed our relationship to his son I am not sure if he has to his son's mother. Either way I won't worry about it until he gets home and we can speak about it in depth.

[Honeypie]

I have 2 kids & my SO has none.

My son is almost 13 & my daughter is 10 .... I have custody of both my children, my EX husband & their father has visitation every 2nd weekend.

My kids are the main reason that my SO & I have not closed the gap .... I'd be there with him in a heartbeat but i will not uproot my kids, their family is all here & their friends. My SO is very understanding as almost all his family is where he lives, he is willing to move in another year or two if we work out

[Moon]

I have a daughter, she's 23. Not a kid, but not someone I'm anxious to leave, either. Naturally, she's known about my guy since the beginning, and they've met when he visited me. It's nice having an adult child, there aren't any secrets or sneaking around

[nickki]

We both have 2 kids each.

In April we went on a vacation to Orlando for a week. I brought my youngest child (4) & he brought his oldest (6). My DD adores my SO & cant wait to see him again.

[monkeynbunny]

I have 3 children 15yr old girl,10yr old boy,and 4yr old girl . My SO has none. This a a huge issue for me I was told after I had my 3rd that I would never be able to carry another child or if I was able to get pregnant again i would be very high risk and on bed rest the entire time. With my 3rd I was supossed to be on 12 hours a day but couldnt my soon to be ex-husband was an a**hole and said i was wasting time by beign in bed and my other kids werent going to take care of themselves. Yeah he was a prize huh lol. My SO is ok with never having a child of his own he says he already has 3 and he thinks of them as his own. But I have a great deal of guilt that I'm robbing him and his family of something very speical. But thats a whole other post lol. My kids do know about him. They all knew that we had been friends for years but only recently found out that we are togerher. I wasnt sure how it was going to go over with them. I was a little terrifed honestly lol. There is a large age gap between me and my SO which is what I thought my oldest would have a problem with, but at first she thought it was kinda weird (he's younger than me) but now she jokes around about it. But with my son its a bit more complicated he has Aspergers and severe ADHD and doesnt adjust well to change but to our surprise he took it really well. I think it helped that they already had a relationship so it wasnt a total stanger to him. My SO's brother also has Aspergers so he knows how to I dont like to say "deal with him" but its the best way I can describe it. My soon to be ex-husband didnt and doesnt have a clue. He still thinks that i caused it by not playing enough xbox with him. Yeah he's toolbox! And as for as my 4 yr old she loves him. I'm very lucky that my kids took it as good as they did, they are everything to me and I honestly dont know what I would of done it they werent ok with it. Im glad I never have to find out. We will eventually move to the state he lives in but my daughter wants to finish H.S. here. And Ive already pulled her out of school and moved to another state once to leave my ex-husband we dont want to do it again. But if she decides she wants to go sooner we will. All of them talk to him on skype or on the phone and my oldest and him text also. Thanks Blankita719 for starting this thread!

[Tanja]

I have a 11-year old daughter. She loves my SO and calls him her stepfather. Unfortunately my SO isn't that fond of her and that is driving a wegde between us atm.

[LeilaniJoi]

I have a 11-year old daughter. She loves my SO and calls him her stepfather. Unfortunately my SO isn't that fond of her and that is driving a wegde between us atm.

that one is rough. Does he have any children of his own?

[Tanja]

that one is rough. Does he have any children of his own?

No he's 5 years younger than me and still lives at home and has never lived with kids before. He lived with us for over a year but moved back to Britain last month to pursue a career and the main reason he left in a hurry is because he couldn't handle living with my daughter. Doesn't help that she's hitting puberty lol.

Our views on raising kids seems to be very different so we'll see where this goes. He knows that to me she'll always come first.

[blankita719]

Tanja - that's a tough spot. I keep hoping for the best for the two of you.

It's good that she loves him though - it would be worse if she hated him like I hated my father's (now ex) wife. I don't want to sway this completely off topic, but I think he should have given it more time and talked to you about it before moving back.