Members with children

[Tanja]

Tanja - that's a tough spot. I keep hoping for the best for the two of you.

It's good that she loves him though - it would be worse if she hated him like I hated my father's (now ex) wife. I don't want to sway this completely off topic, but I think he should have given it more time and talked to you about it before moving back.

He did tell me that when my kid behaves like he wants her to then he doesn't have a problem. But you can't expect a child to be flawless at all times. I feel like he's making me choose between him and my daughter and it's pretty obvious who I'd choose if it came to that.

I'm a bit jealous of all of you since your kids and your SO's seem to get along so great!

[yachica]

He did tell me that when my kid behaves like he wants her to then he doesn't have a problem. But you can't expect a child to be flawless at all times. I feel like he's making me choose between him and my daughter and it's pretty obvious who I'd choose if it came to that.

I'm a bit jealous of all of you since your kids and your SO's seem to get along so great!

Hi Tanja. Sorry to hear that it's not going to well for you. I have been with my SO for almost a year, I have a son who has just turned 15 and I told him 6 months ago and he took it amazingly well - (we're a same sex couple and so I was more worried). They spent lots of time talking and laughing and joking but all of a sudden he doesn't seem bothered about even saying hi. Nothing has happened apart from him turning 15 and the moodiness setting in! She tells him she misses him and makes a massive effort with him which he likes but I really am confused as to why the sudden lack of communication from him. Maybe it's just that he isn't interested in my life and is more interested in going out with his friends. I think it's hard being in a relationship when they are children involved .... hope you ok x

[sshellzp]

I have 2 kids with my ex boyfriend and my SO has a very strong relationship with the daughter of one of his good mates that he lives with (she's a good friend of mine too). The kids are the reason we will not close the distance soon or even ever. There is just no way I could take my kids away from their father or he could move away from his "daughter". Who knows what could happen in the future but for now we have to be apart except for holidays to see each other.
My kids have seen him a few times on skype but it was nothing much. I met his "daughter" when I went over to see them for 2 week in February this year. I'm referred to as Aunty Shellz as me and her mum are pretty much as close as sisters and we get along very well lol.

[Lissa]

I have a 3-soon-to-be-4 year old daughter and my SO has no children.

I've been best friends with him for over six years now and we just recently decided we would pursue a LDR. He is more religious then I am, and is even saving himself for marriage so I think my kid was one of the main reason he hesitated crossing the friendship line. But he's recently been asking lots of questions about her, trying to get to her know her, which I love and taking it as a good sign.

He lives in England and I'm in the states and the more and more I think about it, the more I think I'll be willing to relocate to be closer to him once I am done with school in a year. She's, of course, has been my biggest concern about this but she is still young and her father is not involved in her life at all (he has never even met her) so I don't think she would have too much difficulty with relocating to a new country. One of my main reasons for joining this site is to seek advice from other single parents who had relocated to a new country with their children cause I obviously still have a lot to consider so early in the game.

[k.ferg]

I have a two year old daughter, my SO has no kids. I had her very young (19), and her father was abusive and is no longer involved at all. SO and I have been together for a year, so she knows him well, knows we are in a relationship, and definitely looks up to him. We lived in the same town until a few weeks ago, when our relationship became an LDR after he accepted a position in Haiti with Medical Teams International. It is definitely hard on my daughter, having him move 3,000 miles away, but she just thinks that he lives "in the puter" since she talks to him on skype a lot.
An LDR with kids is certainly an adventure, but we are trucking through it!

[triste]

I have a ten year old son, my SO has no children.
My SO is younger and hasn't decided if he wants kids...this could be a problem down the road as my ability and desire to have another child may not be there. He (SO) lived with us for almost two years before leaving for residency in FL, and has a good relationship with my son. My son worships him and my SO lives to tease him and do manly nerf gun wars and act childish with him, that works well, of course, until he doesn't let my son win My ex lives abroad, we visit him and his family, so my son has an LDR with his father and has almost his whole life.
Issues, well, we moved my SO down to FL and spent a week or so in his new place. I could sense a lot of impatience as my son acted out quite a bit (actually, I might have been even more irritated). I think the acting out is due to my SO leaving us and his age in general. My son does love to interrupt our adult time on Skype to make faces and tell my SO about his day...which my SO is good about. I love my son and wouldn't change anything. But responsibilities overrule the heart and I can't just pick up and go with my SO...at least not until he has a more permanent placement somewhere, we will see.

[myheartbaby]

I have a 4 years old daughter and SO don't have any kid. He likes kid, but doesn't want to have one himself. My daughter is aware of our relationship. She sometimes talk to SO via Skype and Viber, and going to meet him in person on Sept. We are going to spend time together like a "family" hopefully everything turn out well.

[spirit]

My SO and I each have one son. It adds some hurdles to our relationship, but we wouldn't trade our boys for the world.

[CandiCandi]

Do you and/or your SO have children? How do they fit into your relationship? Do they know your SO and/or you?

I do not personally have children. Though, my fiance does. He has one biological son and one that he took care of when the father was in prison and the girl my fiance was with was dating him. His father got out of prison, she left my fiance for this guy and then, he went straight back to prison and all of a sudden, she acted like my fiance hadn't done anything for her for years. It was heavy duty messy, but things are a little calmer now.

My fiance was honest with his kids about me from the get go. I accepted that he had these children, though the mother of his children decided to tell these kids I hated them, for next to no reason. My fiance told her that I'd actually been more understanding than I had to be when it came to the kids and her.

So, then I have plans to move up here and I told him as soon as I got into town, she'd need something. She did. I got into town on a Monday and then watched his son for a good three days after a long bus ride. His 5 year old son and I get along pretty well. His son is pretty well behaved. Though, he does pout a bit if he can't get a toy from the store (from what I hear, this is the mother's fault because she just hands it out to the kids). I have only watched the two of them together once and again, they were pretty well behaved. The other one just turned 8.

I actually just babysat my fiance's son again this weekend (I typically help out when my fiance can't get the weekend off) and we had a lot of fun. My fiance's grandma and great-aunt took us out to a park that was castle-themed. My fiance's grandma told me to sit down and I was thinking, "He's gonna ask me to come up with him" and to be honest, it seemed more fun. Sure enough, he got on top of the castle and said, "Candi! Come up here and play with me!" and a few times at my fiance's grandma and great-aunts when they told him he needed to go with one of them, he'd ask why he couldn't go with me lol. He's actually a really cute kid. I've had more time with him than the 8 year old, but we're about to take them both either this weekend or next or both (though, to be honest, I am hoping it's just one, I think they're adorable, but we want out of the place we're staying in and I start work this week).

Despite my opinion of the mother of his children, we've been pretty civil with each other (to the point she's asked me to hang out but I said no) and I actually think things are better between my fiance and the mother of his children since I have been here, because I'm more understanding than his brother and his brother's girlfriend were about the kids'. For example, we've taken them at 5 am a few times, because I guess her parents were freaking out at her and them and we've pulled some strings for her. Again, stuff that his brother - more so, his brother's girlfriend - would complain about, but as long as we can afford it and we're not working or at least one of us isn't, I'm more willing to accept them coming over on last minute notice.

Anyway, the kids and I get along. My friend asked me if his kids' were trying to rebel against me because I was new or anything and actually, it's the opposite. Even when my fiance's tickling me, his son comes up and says, "I'll get him!" and we team up on my fiance with tickles lol.

[Verojoon]

I have two daughters 4 and 6 years old. SO has no kids (he is younger than me by 4 years). He is however responsible for his elderly mother who doesn't speak English and can't get around very well on her own in the U.S.

These are the things keeping us from closing the distance. I cannot take my children away from their father. (Even if i wanted to, which I don't, I couldn't do it legally!)

My children were a huge problem in our relationship at the beginning! He didn't understand how telling me that even if we didn't have the distance, he didn't know if my lifestyle was one he wanted could hurt me so much. My children are a huge part of who I am. He never thought he wanted to get married or have children... but then when we first started talking he said he didn't believe in love either... He was always very undecided about the issue, sometimes he would talk to them on Skype for a long time. He would send them presents. He would ask me about them. Help me out with parenting issues. And then, he would say these things about not wanting that lifestyle...

This issue among a few other ones is why I left him last spring and tried to date other people. It gave him a chance to do a lot of thinking (and hurting... ) and he realized it not only drove him crazy to not hear from me, but also to not being updated on my children's lives.... He missed hearing about them, seeing pictures etc. I guess it dawned on him that he had lost 3 girls... not just 1!

Since we got back together in July, things on that respect have been sooo different (actually things on all respects have been different but the rest is off topic!). We are still waiting on him being able to come here (passport issues) and experience life with my little family before we get to really tackling how to close the distance... but we both feel pretty comfortable at this point that this is just a formality and that everything will work out amazingly when they all meet!! <3

[Filly]

I have a 5 year old son and my SO has a 3 year old son. My son is unaware of the fact that I am dating my SO he thinks we are just friends (which is fine for now). I don't want my son to be totally aware of our relationship until it becomes more stable.

As for his son, I am not sure what's happening with his mother I know they are having an issue right now. I know he hasn't revealed our relationship to his son I am not sure if he has to his son's mother. Either way I won't worry about it until he gets home and we can speak about it in depth.

Update... My son has become aware of our relationship, it was beyond my control as my SO got integrated in our family outings, dinners and events. My son doesn't really mind as yet.

His son is unaware of the relationship as the mother hasn't deemed to let him speak to him in months.

[D.4C]

my girlfriend has a 6 year old daughter...and i honeslty can't wait to be a fatherly figure...i've always felt like i missed out on that part of things in my life

[kristimil]

I have 3 boys. They know about my SO and have asked simple questions like if they will call him "uncle" I said no, you will call him by his name. I always make sure my SO is involved in what my boys are doing by sending videos, talking on the phone. They are a little unsure of where this relationship will go but they are handling it a lot better than I thought. I am hoping to take them down to meet him in March. He cant wait to meet him.

[JennMarcus612]

My SO has 4 children. 2 boys and 2 girls that we are currently trying to get custody over. Their mom is a drug addict and has several mental health issues and yet the courts still decided she was a better parent to raise 4 young children. (What??) She has been hostel on many occasions usually through text message to the point where she wouldn't bring them over when I was visiting until the court demanded her to. I love those children like they were my own and all of them love me too. We get along great and they are finally getting the attention and affection they deserve just please keep all of us in your prayers while this custody stuff gets sorted out. She has no desire to welcome me into her children's lives and I have no desire to try to befriend her. Just hope she becomes more civil for the children's sake. We are 14 years difference in age. His oldest daughter keeps drawing pictures of us saying we love each other and even one of him asking my hand in marriage...its pretty cute. I could just use prayers concerning his ex and her lack of tact.

[Caitlin7]

I have no children of my own but my SO has a 3 year old daughter. I have not met her yet but she knows about and has seen my picture. He has been raising her on his own since she was 2 years old. She has no contact with her mother as her mother did some horrible this to him. Her mother also wants no contact with her daughter. I will be meeting his daughter in a week and a half for the first time. Im excited to meet her. He has also told me shes excited to meet me as well.