SO ANGRY

[JennMarcus612]

Ok my SO has 4 beautiful children. He is currently going through a divorce with their mom (from a common law marriage) and they gave her residential custody of the children.... this is why I'm angry.

1.) She is a long term drug addict.
2.) She has no emotional ties to the children.
3.) She has several known mental illnesses.
4.) The children are failing in school because she wont take them or they are refusing to do their work because lack of leadership and stability.
5.) The second oldest daughter got sexually molested and her mom forces her to hang out with the family that did it.
6.) She forgot the 4 year old's birthday.
7.) She has the oldest son on children's adderall and 1.) refused to tell my SO and 2.) Isn't giving it to him consistently and 3.) Is a known drug she's had problems with in the past
8.) She goes out drinking despite the fact that she is taking methadone from a clinic to "Cure" her addiction.
..... Ect. Ect. Ect. (Oh i have more don't you worry)

Do you see why I am mad? Should I just get over it? It's not because I'm jealous of her and my SO's past.... well at least not anymore. Marc is getting calls from the school saying the children aren't doing their work and that they are being sent to school with out their glasses, ect. I know I can't do anything about it here. I called the senator of kansas and told his minion what was going on. Just frustrated, heartbroken, and I miss this guy and his kids so much.

[snow_girl]

You can be angry but unless your SO files for sole custody I don't think there is much you can do.

[Haley53]

My question is why he's not fighting the courts. He could easily win sole custody with that laundry list, especially since mental illness has been diagnosed, they can get absence and other records from the school, and depending on how involved her doctors are, it's possible her records could be court ordered as well, not to mention I would guess there would be an investigation into the sexual abuse (and if there isn't, there should be and your SO should do something about it). Is there a reason your SO does not want sole custody of the children when they're in the hands of who, quite frankly, is an unfit mother?

[JennMarcus612]

We are fighting. Hard! We went to limited case management and even that lady granted her residential custody. We are in the midst of contesting it. It's not an easily situation as we thought it was. We were like pshh theres no way and the judge gave her those kids. We have been fighting this since January. He has gone through 2 lawyers already and we thought the limited case management lady, the lady who was suppose to be fighting for the children, was our answer and she didn't do shit! Come November we are headed back to court to try and get custody again and if not then we are having to write a letter to this place complaining about the judge. If you read the concerns in the document the LCM gave us the fathers concerns were her long term drug addiction and her emotional detachment from the children. Her concerns was his full time job and his significant other. EVEN THEN the lady still gave those children to that woman. We have been all over the place looking for fathers rights counsel, and the answer we keep getting is there isn't much you can do until the children become of age and tell their mom they want to live with their dad. And we are fighting for sole custody of those children because we want rights to their medical and religious decisions. She's vile, she's unfit and it's embarrassing what she is doing with the child support and spousal support.

[Haley53]

It's unfortunately not too surprising, as in most cases, the courts will do anything to keep the children with the mother. However, why did he not mention her mental illness? Depending on what the mental illness is, I would bring that up. I am assuming they've been diagnosed and it's not guess work, given that you said "known." I would bring that up, I would bring up the calls that have come from the school, I would ask the school for records (he should have access to them, as their legal guardian/parent) and submit those, and I would also bring up the sexual abuse. You didn't mention whether or not that had been reported, but I am assuming it was. Seeing as that happened on the mother's watch and her daughter is still forced to go over there, I am guessing it's fair game to bring it up. If it hasn't been reported, it needs to be, and the courts will take it very seriously regardless of the time and circumstances in which it's being reported.

[JennMarcus612]

WE HAVE! Lol thats whats so bogus! They just court ordered her to be put in psych treatment and prescribed her Xanax. They know about her having to go into a mental institution in 2006, they know about all the times the police were called because she was going bat shit crazy. They know about how he had to put his kids in day care because she, as a stay at home mom, didn't want to watch them. The 15 year old that sexually abused the girl can't go near her so the kid doesn't live in this state anymore but the mom said "She needs friends too" and wants to continue a relationship with that family. We brought that up to the courts and her lawyer was like "no no no....they got it all wrong she doesn't do that anymore." But the last time he went to pick up the kids that lady was pulling up as well. We've ordered drug tests be done but the courts always grant her 4 days prior notice.

We have been fighting and fighting and fighting. I went in and talked to the limited case management lady and she was treating me like dirt until I corrected her and was like listen, I'm not in a relationship with just my SO, these kids are now my life too. I don't care about the child support... I've even thought about buying the kids off of her. We have brought out every skeleton in that womans closet and the courts just sigh and say "well...looks like shes trying." BULLSHIT. She was dressed up in hooker outfit and was 45 minutes late dropping them off at Marcs house. One time (when I was there) she forgot to pick up the children and at 3 am we get a call saying hses on her way???

She will let all 4 of them go play in the front yard (the youngest being 3 at the time) while she goes and takes a nap????? That is way too much responsibility for an 11 and 9 year old. The courts are to blame to this....not that bogus mom.

ALSO: How do i talk about this and not sound bias?

[Haley53]

Jesus. That sort of thing would not fly here, at least not with the mother being in and out of parenting classes and the children being removed from her for the duration of that time. I'm not sure what to suggest from here, though I believe both mom and the court system are at fault. :/

[JennMarcus612]

I agree. I hate how upset I get over it. I think we need to make people more aware of Fathers Rights and how children need to go to the parent that can offer the most stability. (Whether it's the mom or dad.) Look up anything about father's rights and there are thousands of fathers out there that probably will never get custody because this place is a mommy state. I know my uncle spent over 40K trying to get custody of his son including going to get psych tests and his mom failed hers and she still got the child and ripped him away from a loving full family that would do anything for him. She wont let Marc take them to see his mom because its "out of town". It's all petty. I have 0 hope left in the system. None!

[Tooki]

Mmm that wouldn't work here either eclaire.

Surely they would take the kids away once it's acknowledged that the mother is a current drug addict?

[JennMarcus612]

You would think. No, because shes going to a methadone clinic. I think we need to higher a private investigator because i truly believe she is sleeping with someone from there from what the kids are saying.

[Haley53]

Is it too late to get a better lawyer?

[JennMarcus612]

We had this guy named Jason who did jack shhhh... and we researched and found this girl Rebecca and she is a lot more spunkier in the courtroom but we are learning that we can't fight a battle that is being fought unfairly. Even tonight the kids were kind of arguing and she told him when he was picking them up "See what they put me through?!! I bend over backwards for these kids and they treat me like this".... ????? I hate how bias I sound!! So sorry.

[Haley53]

I would consider looking for a different lawyer and screen them - heavily. My father racked up 20k worth of debt on my mother's credit cards, was never around for us, put my mother in the hospital, refused to pay child support until he was threatened with prison, etc. and his lawyer still got him a pretty good "deal" out of the whole damn case, not to mention she dragged it on for years. She was an absolute cutting witch, and that was her advantage. My opinion is find someone who knows the system in and out, knows the judge and what cards to play, and has a silver and fiery tongue, someone who's more than spunky, someone who's absolutely wicked. Other than that, I'm not sure what I would suggest...

[Rugger]

As someone who works in the legal system, GET A BETTER LAWYER. You also need proof. Just because you say something, doesn't make it true. Get her psych papers, pictures, e-mails anything that could help your case

[leonsfangirl]

As someone who works in the legal system, GET A BETTER LAWYER. You also need proof. Just because you say something, doesn't make it true. Get her psych papers, pictures, e-mails anything that could help your case

This.

I honestly don't think any court in the world would grant someone residence who was that messed up if they had known it. I've seen a ton of mothers lose there children for LESS than this. Get a better lawyer and get some concrete proof of everything.