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Is there a glass ceiling in LDRs?

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    Is there a glass ceiling in LDRs?

    I've been in an LDR since March of 2012. Since then, we've flown back and forth to see each other 8 times. It's a lot of money, I know, but we're (hopefully) at the end of our LDR. By this August, the verdict will be in. My SO has made the decision to move to CO with her kids to be with me! We're doing it the right way and not moving in together. So many people I talk to just assume that we're going to be living together if she moves here. First of all, can you imagine how complicated that would be? Plus, I hold the view that living together should be reserved for marriage, but that's another story.

    Anyways, although closing the gap can be difficult for most people, it's MUCH easier for those without kids. I have kids and she does too. I can't move because of the parenting plan in my divorce says that I can't. Plus, who wouldn't want to live in Colorado? Anyways, there are court documents to be filled out, an ex husband to inform and a lawyer to hire. At first, my SO didn't want to hire and attorney but then I asked her, "Think about it. What if you didn't hire a lawyer and the judge told you that you couldn't move here? Wouldn't you want to hire one so that you wouldn't have to live with that regret?" Anyways, she hired a lawyer and we're waiting for the paperwork for the intent to move to be filed. For those of you who have gone through this before or know someone who has, I would love to hear how things turned out.

    Our LDR has hit a ceiling. We have done everything that we can possibly do at 1,000 miles apart. We are deeply in love. I have met her kids and she has met mine. The one thing that we haven't done is that our kids haven't met one another. We Skype every night for at least 1 hour. Someone suggested to me that we Skype only every other day so we wouldn't get tired of each other but then I got to thinking that Skyping is all we have! I don't want to give that up!

    Although we see each other just about every other month, we don't have that physical interaction that couples who live close have. It becomes maddening at times! I feel that we have progressed as far as we can in our LDR and we both know that there is so much more we can experience together.

    If she moves here in August, we will move on to the next step and that is our kids getting used to one anther. Also, since the only times we've seen each other have been when we were in "vacation mode", we haven't really experienced real life together. I want to be with her and see how she handles frustration. I want her to see me mad because I didn't have a good day at work. I want to experience how she handles it when someone cuts her off. We need to get used to our lives and how we'll be living it together in a normal setting.

    Then after that step, I think I'll be ready to ask her to marry me. We haven't discussed marriage yet because, well, we don't even know if she'll be moving here and that does need to happen before we can marry! Anyways, I feel like we've hit a glass ceiling because we can see to the other side. We both know that in the next 4 months or so, we'll have the answer. We'll know if she'll be able to move here with her kids and our relationship can go on and resemble a normal relationship.

    We have taken the leap, the plunge. We have risked getting our hearts broken and have once again fallen in love. We both know that there is that potential to have our hearts broken if our physical distance cannot be closed. Everything in an LDR depends on that doesn't it? An LDR cannot last unless there is a hope for a future together in the same city.

    So that's where we are. She might be moving here and our physical distance could be closed within the next 4 months! We're also a bit frustrated because we've done all that we can do in our year + long LDR and have hit that glass ceiling. All we can do is hope, pray and work our hardest to keep things together! I'll keep you guys informed about anything that progresses! Best of luck in all your LDRs!

    #2
    Originally posted by CO Dad View Post
    Everything in an LDR depends on that doesn't it? An LDR cannot last unless there is a hope for a future together in the same city.
    I wish you the best of luck, but I do wholeheartedly disagree with your statements. What YOU need isn't necessarily the same for everyone else. But if that's what you need, I hope it all works out.
    Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

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      #3
      Everything in an LDR depends on that doesn't it? An LDR cannot last unless there is a hope for a future together in the same city.
      Yep it can. My parents did for most of their lives until my dad retired. He had his office 250 miles away and travelled all over the country during the week. And he did that because he didn't want my mum and us children to be pulled out of our lives, especially because we were all happy there.
      Just something to consider.
      I hope it all works out for you but your views are a little narrow minded I think (I don't mean to be offensive). You both have kids and life often doesn't go the way we want it to go and if you love this woman as much as you say, you can be open to wait a little longer or to figure out alternatives. I agree with that I wouldn't wanna be ld forever (and 1000 miles is a lot) but you both have kids so extra carefulness needs to be applied here.

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        #4
        I agree with them ^ Especially with you and her, it's a very fragile adjustment and neither of you want your hearts broken. If you love her and she loves you, and she can't automatically move there when you want her to, that's going to show you how far your love goes.
        "I love the stars and the moon because I know that I'm always sitting under the exact same ones as you"

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          #5
          Actually I agree with the fact a LDR (in nearly every case) needs an end-date. Yeah there are exceptions but I wouldn't do one unless I knew more or less when a 'real' relationship, in person, could start.

          OP, hope your relationship goes well and best of luck with the children. What custody arrangements will your partner have with her ex?

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            #6
            I am in almost the same situation as you. We both have kids so we are working out custody agreements. He is planning on moving here. We are planning on getting married once he moves.

            I understand that you need an end date. I am not one that can keep up this ldr forever or even for many years. I love him so much that is rips my heart out to think that things would end if he didn't move but this LDR is hard on me too. I am not good with the constant highs and lows it brings. I will do whatever I need to do until we can work out the custody but I need a goal that we are working on being together.

            I get to see him every other month also and like you said the flying is expensive but we are making it happen right now. Honestly I couldn't go much longer than that without seeing. I too get worried about being in "vacation mode" b/c when we are together we rarely have the kids maybe just fo the day but for the most part it is only the 2 of us. We go out and date and party and it is just so different than what our life together every day will be. We don't go to work or do normal things. I don't really feel a lag in our relationship like I need more. We do talk on the phone every day many times a day, text all day long, and skype every now and then neither one of us love skype but it does have its benefits We send each other pictures constantly. I probably send him more than he sends me but I think he said he has like 500 of me so his own personal portfolio. We also play games on our phone together like words with friends etc.. I think that gives us a closeness and gives us something to chat about at times.

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              #7
              Originally posted by Moon View Post
              I wish you the best of luck, but I do wholeheartedly disagree with your statements. What YOU need isn't necessarily the same for everyone else. But if that's what you need, I hope it all works out.
              This, all of this.

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                #8
                As Moon and Kiyama said, an LDR doesn't need an end date if both parties are fine with that. It really comes down to the relationship in question. I know that I could not do my LDR without an end date but others like Moon can manage this.

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                  #9
                  I am in an almost identical situation. My SO lives in Albuquerque and I'm in Iowa. I first went to visit him last October and fell in love the Albuquerque. It is such a beautiful place! We went to elementary school together, and reconnected on Facebook nearly a year ago. It's been amazing! We both have a child from a previous marriage, and I've decided to move there. I have been through one round of court to decide custody and the judge left it at 50/50 with my ex. (long story, there was more involved in that case than just relocation). I was heartbroken when I heard that decision. Now, I have just filed paperwork for a new application for modification due to relocation for custody of my daughter. It is a risk, as I may end up losing then I would be the non-custodial parent, but it will be 9-10 months before I have a court date anyway, so I have time to back out if I don't think it is the right thing to do. I just wanted to get the process going. I hope for the best for the two of you!! Life has a funny way of working out. Just keep praying!

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                    #10
                    It's now August 2013 and I was wondering if we were going to get an update, CO Dad. I hope it's a good one!

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                      #11
                      Originally posted by AbundanceAbounds View Post
                      It's now August 2013 and I was wondering if we were going to get an update, CO Dad. I hope it's a good one!
                      ^^^ this.

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                        #12
                        Originally posted by AbundanceAbounds View Post
                        It's now August 2013 and I was wondering if we were going to get an update, CO Dad. I hope it's a good one!
                        ^^^ this.

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