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    #46
    freya23, it's not negative, it's the real deal, and it's what anyone hoping to do this needs to read. I'm glad you posted.
    Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

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      #47
      That sounds like an incredibly difficult situation Freya, one I do not envy at all but I'm glad that you shared the reality.

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        #48
        Thank you so much for sharing your story, freya23.
        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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          #49
          Okay so maybe I'm a little late but I still want to share my opinion. First of all I probably should remind you that most likely I won't have to face a decision like that because I'll be going back home in July and that also means the distance will be closed again. Okay so I'm very unsure about this. For one thing, as I recently said, I'm really terrified of the pregnancy and if possible at all, I really really don't want to do it alone. But I completely understand your issue with the age and stuff. And to be honest I think if I had to chose between having a baby while long distance and not having one at all, I'd probably go with long distance. But then I wonder how would you handle that in your specific situation? Because your SO wouldn't be around, but your husband would. And I just guess that your husband wouldn't treat the baby you'd have with your so a whole lot different just because it wouldn't be his. But if it grew up with your husband acting as a father for a few years and then your SO moving to Norway and suddenly being in the picture much more? I imagine that to be very confusing for a child? I might be wrong because I really don't know the last thing about children, but I think you know what I mean. So... yeah. It's difficult. I would probably think really hard about how things will be going in the next few years and decide according to that.

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            #50
            Thanks both of you . I imagine we will be a travelling family regardless of how we go about it. I would need to spend time in Turkey too to learn the language well, and especially in the rural areas where you will learn fast if you want to talk at all. I remember around the time school started, I started to worry more about my identity and that my own father was away for work, most relatives lived 3 days of driving away etc. At least now with technology and cheeper flights one can keep in touch more easily. What happens in the next 6 months will give the outcome I think. During that time, a lot will happen; I will break in my career, the boys will meet at least 3 times, I will start taking Turkish classes, we might get a flat together in Turkey etc. I am still a little young to freak out about the age, and we need to figure out lots of other stuff before I consider taking out the IUD. It is interesting to get your comments. I picture lots of different scenarios.
            I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
            - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



            "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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              #51
              Just read today that it is a growing trend in for women in Norway to freeze some of their eggs. Appearently, if you freeze them when you are fertile, they will work just as fine once you...defrost them. It seems a perfectly reasonal (and expensive, and half illegal since you can't do it here) thing to do. I must admit I did not even think of that as an option before I read the article.
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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                #52
                I'm sorry if you already answered this... but I skimmed and didn't find it.

                Why don't you have kids with your husband first, if you're worried about the clock? I'm not polly, but I had this vague understanding that the first wife/husband gets a bit of special priority. Besides, he's there already, and could help you raise the child. Would it not cause resentment for you to have your boyfriend's baby first, relying on your husband's help to raise it? All his first-time father experiences would be for another man's spawn, a man who's not losing any sleep at night. I dunno. I'm not a big enough person to handle that, so I don't know realistically how it would work.
                Happily married to the little Canadian boy I never thought I'd meet in person

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                  #53
                  I'm kinda confused too. If you love someone enough to marry them, and you want kids, then would you not want children with them?
                  "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
                  Benjamin Franklin

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                    #54
                    Originally posted by Zephii View Post
                    I'm sorry if you already answered this... but I skimmed and didn't find it.

                    Why don't you have kids with your husband first, if you're worried about the clock? I'm not polly, but I had this vague understanding that the first wife/husband gets a bit of special priority. Besides, he's there already, and could help you raise the child. Would it not cause resentment for you to have your boyfriend's baby first, relying on your husband's help to raise it? All his first-time father experiences would be for another man's spawn, a man who's not losing any sleep at night. I dunno. I'm not a big enough person to handle that, so I don't know realistically how it would work.
                    Originally posted by Hollandia View Post
                    I'm kinda confused too. If you love someone enough to marry them, and you want kids, then would you not want children with them?
                    Guys, I could be wrong, but I think differentcuntries husband is FtM trans, I guess they can't do that naturally. (So sorry if I've got the story wrong though!!)
                    Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

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                      #55
                      Originally posted by Moon View Post
                      Guys, I could be wrong, but I think differentcuntries husband is FtM trans, I guess they can't do that naturally. (So sorry if I've got the story wrong though!!)
                      Sorry, I am a Dunce, but what is Ftm?
                      "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
                      Benjamin Franklin

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                        #56
                        Originally posted by Hollandia View Post
                        Sorry, I am a Dunce, but what is Ftm?
                        Female to male transsexual. Sorry for the acronym!
                        Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

                        Comment

                          #57
                          Originally posted by Moon View Post
                          Female to male transsexual. Sorry for the acronym!
                          Ah.................okay, then I retract my question.
                          "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
                          Benjamin Franklin

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                            #58
                            Sorry about the confusion, girls! I see I was not so clear as I could have been. Moon is very right; my husband is a female for male transsexual and therefore I can't have biological children by him. We were actively planning children by insemination a few years back, that plan got postphoned due to my illness. When I got better and entering work again, I met my boyfriend. I still need to postpone pregnancy a few years due to career and money.

                            But a few years down the line... Many questions in my mind. Is it more fair to have a child with my husband first since he came first, or more fair to have a child that would also create a bioloical bond (and potentially a legal bond, since he can apply for family reunion with this child) with my boyfriend? Will both see themselves as fathers to the child, and if so will it not be hard for my boyfriend to live away from the child regardless of if he is the biolocial father? We will be discussing living arrangements in April, possably children too, depending on how far into the future we are adressing (so far, January next year has been the longest point down the line, due to our planning around his exams and tourist visa to Norway). There are my thoughts, wishes and feelings, which might differ from theirs. We are three people in the decition-making process. I just have to figure out what I want first, and why. Which is why I started the debate, I guess...
                            I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                            - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                            "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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                              #59
                              Oh, I totally can't believe I missed that! Sorry for being dense.

                              There do seem to be a lot of for and againsts, it can't be an easy choice to make either way! And when every option is "hard" I guess you just go with the one that makes you happiest and try your best right?
                              Let us know how your April talks go?
                              Happily married to the little Canadian boy I never thought I'd meet in person

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                                #60
                                I wonder how it's going for OP on this subject?

                                I'm going to be 44yrs old later this year and my SO doesn't have biological kids which he has so dearly wanted for many years. His soon to be ex lied to him and betrayed him really bad. But it doesn't seem to work for us since we are still fighting to be together and my biological clock is running overtime already. I'm pretty sad about this.

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