Relocation Issues

[Hollandia]

Hollandia u r just one sided and a very negative person. U refuse to see other peoples points and just insist in putting them down. I do not choose to read your posts anymore. Please stop replying.

You don't need to read them, but I will respond as I wish. If you don't like what you read. Then lock the thread. You don't like what you hear so you want, what you want anyway. You have an attorney I am sure they told you what to say in court.

No response , so I am going to assume you did not file a police report, you did not call Family services and there is not proof from shrinks to prove this abuse. I don't take likely to people abusing that word(abuse) to get their way. As I said, this is what the other attorney will say and this is how the judge will see it. You want to take her because of your LDR, if you accuse him of abuse without proof and you can get sued.

If she is being abused it should be the ONLY thing you are worried about and not just relocation of her so that you can move to your SO.

You think I am just a negative person..........LOL. I have helped hundreds of people on here and get reps points all the time. I am just telling you as I see it and you don't wish to hear it. I am not putting you down, I am telling you it is wrong to take the child away from her dad. If he is not a danger to her, then it should be a crime to do it. I wonder how you would have felt if he had been the one to meet someone else in another city, with a ready made family and wanting to take her from you.

[Hollandia]

Hollandia I was asking for advice on a case not a moral debate. If that's what I wanted that's how I would have labeled the post. I do not like or welcome ur negativity. Please stop posting!!!!

Sorry, but I respond to thread as I see fit to the topic given. You asked for advice about your case and again, I told you many reasons why you should drop the case and not take the child away from her other parent. You can lock any threads you start on this forum. You cannot tell other posters not to post.

[80anthea]

Actually Hollandia is giving you excellent advice here. I can't advise on your situation as I don't live in the states so am not entirely sure of the system. I have however worked with social sevice departments here in the uk who help to decide these kind of decisions here. Like Hollandia has said if there is abuse happening then you need to be able to prove that somehow; you came here looking for advice on getting through a court battle. If he is an abusive father and it doesn't matter what form of abuse: mental is as severe as physical then you need to build a case around that and you shouldn't be happy for him to have her unsupervised all summer either.

[80anthea]

I would also add to be careful not to force your own opinions about your ex onto your daughter. I don't know you so I'm not accusing you of this but I do understand how easily it can happen. My own ex was a nightmare toward me and emotionally abusive towards me and for a long time I worried about his behaviour towards our daughter too. In fact despite of his major character flaws from my point of view he's actually proving to be an excellent father to her and she manages to have a good relationship with both of us. I have learned to be civil towards him when she's around. ....at least on appearance anyway (it's a good job mind reading isn't around yet!).

I have seen many incidences of parents through work where this doesn't happen and gradually one parent turns the child against the other. All it does is lead to enormous turmoil for the child and problems that come up years later.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

Is there any reason your fiance can't relocate with or without his children, depending on custody arrangements with his ex? Since your ex is being adamant that you can't move with your daughter, then have you talked to your fiance about other options?

[Kinderkimber]

Actually Hollandia ur wrong. The courts don't listen when it's mental abuse. My friend has gone to court several times to take visitation away from his ex or at least get them supervised and they don't listen. His ex has attempted suicide several times and every time the kids are the one that finds her. He has police reports, hospital reports, and proof that she has been in psychiatric hospitals. None of it matters. She still gets unsupervised visits with the kids. The US courts just don't care.

[Hollandia]

Actually Hollandia ur wrong. The courts don't listen when it's mental abuse. My friend has gone to court several times to take visitation away from his ex or at least get them supervised and they don't listen. His ex has attempted suicide several times and every time the kids are the one that finds her. He has police reports, hospital reports, and proof that she has been in psychiatric hospitals. None of it matters. She still gets unsupervised visits with the kids. The US courts just don't care.

If you don't want me hear my response then don't respond to mine.

I am not wrong. I went through it myself for suspected psychical and mental abuse of my own daughter. I had an ADA, An agent for Family services and a court recorder in a room in a children's hospital in a matter of hours. My daughter had to go through an internal exam at the age of 5 to prove no sexual abuse, and the court was extremely interested in what the shrinks said. All because I filed a complaint after she came back from my first husband's one weekend with suspect bruises on her. I also talked to the agent about the verbal and mental abuse inflicted on her and they issued an official warning to the party that was responsible. If you have not even filed a complaint or called the cops once since you feel your daughter is being abused, I quite frankly don't see any merit in your case. If you file a police report, you have it on record, if you have filed nothing and no shrinks can back up your story, then most likely she was not abused. I am kinda confused how you have shrinks that asked her about the abuse but yet you never filed a complaint. It's a very serious accusation and one that you really should be darn sure of is true before you accuse someone of it. I definitely don't think any parent deserves to lose their child because their kid likes one parents home better than the other. I asked you, what examples of actual abuse do you have? Does your child come home and tell you about it, but yet she won't tell the shrink? How do you know what is going on at her dad's house? Abuse is not a catch word, it is a serious crime.

I am an American citizen and I know for a fact the courts do very much care. You picked a really bad example to say suicide because that would have actually endangered the children and they would have removed them immediately if the children were in an unstable environment. I also work in an industry that deal with women's prisons and we have countless women that lost their children due to their mental instability due to drug use. They have to prove they are stable before they can get un-supervised visits with their children that have been placed in temporary foster care, same thing happens when you get taken to the psyche ward.

You still have not shown how her father is a danger to her, and so again, you have no case to remove him from her life simply because you want to move to your SO. Any judge that would find abuse, would have to also notify family services against him, family court would then lead to criminal court for him, where he would get a record and possibly damage his ability to make an earning. So, are you really so certain that he abused his daughter?

[R&R]

I responded to your other thread but I will respond to this one as well. Due to the fact that you are choosing to be the one to relocate - if you currently have joint physical/legal custody, chances are the judge is going to side with the parent not moving. It will be more likely that he would get her during the school year and you would get summer and alternating holiday's. In my experience, the courts prefer to see that the child's life is minimally disrupted and taking her from where she grew up, away from her other parent, friends, etc to take her to a new location is more of an upheaval. Unless you can show drastic abuse where you can prove him to be unfit and not have her at all, I don't see it going in your favor to have the primary physical custody.

[xcherrypoopx]

I'm kind of in the same situation. My daughter is also 8 but she has a wonderful dad and loves spending time with him. She's also perfectly fine being an only child. My SO and I have been together for over 4 years. We used to live in the same town. My daughter loves him too, they bonded very well and when he moved out of state, she had a very difficult time with it. My SO wants us to move to him eventually. It's safer, more to do, etc. Here isn't very safe. The crime rate has skyrocketed. Cars being broken into/stolen/shot with bb's, homes being broken into, bullying in schools is a major problem, lots of homeless people etc... My coworker's elderly husband was walking their dog at the river park one afternoon and was attacked. A guy slashed his face open. All over trying to steal his truck! Employment is scarce and there's few options for furthering your education. I want out, but I don't want to separate my daughter from her dad (there's also financial reasons for not moving). He and I talked about it. He doesn't want to be away from her either but also sees it as an opportunity for him to leave this town too. I would like my SO to move back and then we all decide something together. But, that's not happening... Can your SO move to you?

[Blkrncld]

Hi, newbie here. Interesting post to say the least. I'm in a new LDR and my SO is in Australia and we are planning to be together. I have a similar situation that I need to figure prior to making a move. I have a 10 year old son from a previous relationship, he has primary placement with his mom in Upstate NY and I am currently living in New Jersey near NYC. I have my son every other weekend and we have a pretty solid schedule that we stick as much as possible. I'm not planning move to Australia until my son enters High School in about 3 years which I think if planned out properly and slowly integrating him things should be fine also my SO has 2 children from a previous marriage and they are about my sons age so I decided to move because it's easier for me not having primary placement and the courts can't stop me from leaving the country as long as I keep up with the legal responsibilities of our agreement of course I have 3 years to figure this all out. I do see my so every other weekend which is a total of 16 hrs driving for me which I'm happy to do...that's 8 hrs there and back on a Friday and the same returning him on Sunday. Even though it's going to be 3 years minimum before I move I've already began prepping his mom and letting her know what my plans are....we communicate and I think that's key. The hardest part for me would be leaving my son when that day comes but I'm thinking he's not going to want to spend every other weekend with his dad when he's in HS and between having him over for the summer and several times throughout the year during spring break etc and skyping and gaming together online I think I can make it work but KinderKimber I believe the key is communication which isn't always easy.