Can this work?

[ringoparker]

First of all, i want to thank in advance for the replies that will come.

So, this is it, it will be a bit tricky, but here it goes: I met her in 2007, but the way we met was movie material. I went to see a movie with my friend and in the whole cinema were only 5 people, us two, a guy and two girls. I saw one of them when i entered and she cought my eyes, she was really really beautiful, but i was really shy and i didn”t talk to her. Later that night, god knows how, i started to chat with a girl on this music forum and i asked her for her yahoo id to chat there. We started talking and we gave each other a photo. We recognised each other, it was her, the gal from the cinema. We started talking, but she was with a guy. All of 2008 we spoke and become closer and closer and in the new days of 2009, she broke up with him and we dediced to meet for the first time on Valentine”s day. A bit cliche but i was dumb back then. A week before we would meet, we stoped talking because she got together with a guy to get back at her ex. That guy was a friend of her ex. I felt broken hearted and erase her contacts and so on. After three months, she tried to talk to me, but i refused and that looked the end of it.

The years have passed and from time to time, i remembered her. I had multiple relationships, but failed to connect with them, so last september, i decided to write her on Facebook. After a thew seconds, she replied. We started talking and i found out she is getting married in december (last year) and she lives in another country, but not far from mine. We talked and talked and talked, but i acted arrogant and stuff. Then, a thew weeks before the wedding, she said if she will run from that life and come here, will i wait for her? Will i wait for her on the airport? Long story short, she is married but she doesn”t love him, they have somekind of a deal, however he asked her three times to get married in the church and she said no. At her question I said no.

Then, two nights before her wedding, i”ve sent her a long message in which i have told her some stuff and i ended it with: you will always be the one that got away.

She got married, things passed and in june she called me, out of the blue. We talked, talked, talked and things become more and more intense. We made videos for each other, audioblogs, mails, etc, it was all too much. And finally she said she is coming to see me. She did, but in the last minute, her husband came along and we couldn”t see each other. I was sad, but somehow i knew she will do this and i was upset so time passed again. Then, after just three weeks after that moment, she told me she is coming here for the weekend. I didn”t believe her, but i decided to wait her at the airport. I was looking at the flight list and i was convinced i am a ******, she won”t come, but the doors opened and there she was. The moment we saw each other. .... You can”t fake that, the emotion, the way she was shaking, that can”t be faked. We had a incredible weekend, absolutely incredible and the weird part was that she introduced me to her parents.

That weekend was so intense and we started making plans how this can work. She has a business and she has to stay married and two years there, because if she is alone, she can”t stay in that country and will have to leave. We decided to have two years. The day she went, i left her in a metro and before the doors closed, like in a movie, she jumped she ran after me on the platform and went into my arms and she said it: I love you, i love you with all my heart. She said this: live your life in these two years, but after this, i am coming for you, for us, i am coming to be with you forever.

This was a month ago, monday it will be our one month anniversary. This relashionship has it ups and downs. We skype and chat almost non stop in some days and not that much in other ones. I am trying to keep it together and not show, but i am so afraid, i don”t want to lose here, i know she is the one, that we are ment to be together, but life ****ed us over so much so i am so afraid. When she is not there but she has seen my facebook messages or phone messages, i feel like a part of me is dying. So, my question is this, can i pull this? Or is it impossible?

I do not believe in long distance relashionships, but i believe if we want to make it happen, we will. But as i said, i am so afraid and paranoic when she doesn”t answer and i wish wasen”t like this.

Thank you for reading and please help a fella out.

[SJ22]

Everything is possible if you guys both give it all! 'I/it can't is just another way of saying you don't want to'
I have some doubts about her though, she doesn't seem to know what she wants.

[snow]

This is indeed a tricky one. She is married and cheating on her husband with you. I don't know if this can go well.
You say she has to stay married to her husband for 2 years to be able to stay where she is right now, which makes sense, but what happens if her husband finds out that she has a secret relationship with you. There is just no guarantee that he is going to stay with her for those two years or that she will leave him right afterwards, besides that: there is always the possibility that whoever decides that she had to be married for two years to stay where she is, decides that her marriage was a fraud for that purpose only and she could get sent away.
I'm sorry to say this, but as long as she is married this relationship has so many insecurities and what if's that I don't know if it will work out.

I wish you two the best of luck though.

[SJ22]

Oh and I forgot to mention: you deserve better than this girl who cheats and can't wait to get out of her marriage.
I wouldn't wait 2 years for that kind of girl.

[ringoparker]

Thank you. I hate my heart so much, so much that it hurts. I feel pressure on my chest. I don”t know what to do because even though i hate this situation, i hate that i am with someone that is cheating and i accept this.

The problem is, why does she did these things:

1) Presented me to her parents.
2) Risk it all to come and see me.
3) Booked all to come and have Christmas here with me
4) Cute things like love letters, mails and so on.
5) Tried to book a flight for me to go there (i hated this, because my month salary was a little delayed)

And so on, why does she do that?

If i would be a prick, i would have so many things for me to ruin her life, life pics together, etc, mails. Why would she risk that, if she wouldn”t be true?

We haven”t spoked since last night and this week was a nightmare. We talked so much less than usual and she said than from tomorrow things will be normal again, but i don”t know.

I hate that i am so naive and vulnerable now.

[aniay]

I understand her but at the same time she seems like she wants everything without giving anything up.

She wants the guy she loves and to have life in this other country. I WOULD understand if it was only busines mariage but it looks like she's cheating with cold heart on this other guy.

She should decide what she wants because it's unfair to you and to the other guy. I'm not saying she's bad because even good people do bad things, but she seems to be treating you like 'another option' You don't deserve it even if you don't mind.

You are not naive, you are in love and this makes us explain every behaviour of the other person.

You should think what you are ready for, what YOU want and if you'd like to be treated like the other guy. You might, you might not.

[lilcupcake]

In many ways, it does seem like she loves you.
but in my personal experience... good luck, man.
I once wasted two years on a guy who always gave me some excuse why we couldnt be together. but i loved him, i trusted him. i suppose i knew all along though i really just wasnt good enough for a public relationship.

[sweetdevil]

Why havent you guys spoken much this last week?

[ringoparker]

Because she had the business launch and had a lot of meetings and apparantly her husband was there more than usual. This last part worries me very much.

She told he slept on the couch for months now. We talked much time in the night and that seemed logic for me. If he was there, i don”t know how would she would had texted and skyped.

If i understand the first part, the second looks very troubleing for me and this is why. Last weekend, he was at a wedding with a friend, without her. She wanted to come and see me, but that was risky so we skyped for 32 straight hours. He went in Monte Carlo i think with that dude. When he came, she told me what i said above, that he is more there than usual. What worries me is maybe he started going back to the bedroom and that isn”t right.

I have three scenarios in my head: 1) He did something there, maybe he cheated and feels guilty.
2) He knows that her business can bring her a lot of money and he tries to get some advantage of that.
3) He is trying to save his marriage after he proposed three times to have a church wedding and maybe, just maybe, she might be interested (my worst fear).

But as i said, from Monday we will be as usual according to her.

[Deleted]

I'm a little bit confused. Why did she marry the guy if she didn't love him? And why doesn't she want to break it off?

If you want to be together in the end, then he will have to find out about you sooner or later.

[ringoparker]

I'm a little bit confused. Why did she marry the guy if she didn't love him? And why doesn't she want to break it off?

If you want to be together in the end, then he will have to find out about you sooner or later.

I have no idea, they were together, when i started talking again with her. Before the wedding, she told me if she will come to me, will i wait for her and i said no. Maybe they had love at one moment.

She doesn”t want to break it off (I DIDN”T ASK HER TOO SO FAR) because she doesn”t have a citizenship and without that she can”t own a business.

[Dezface]

Well...my current relationship is a product of the type of drama you speak of, although to a lesser extent. So I wouldn't be quick to say it can never work. BUT. This girl has been wishy washy all along. She doesn't seem to know what she wants. Or perhaps she wants it all. I can get that she wants to keep her business. But there comes a point where you have to decide what's more important to you. 2 years is a long time. And from what I gather, it doesn't seem her husband has a clue there's anything wrong with the marriage.

Are they continuing on as a married couple? Are they going on dates, sleeping together, etc? To me, it's one thing if they're leading separate lives at this point. It's another if she's actively involved in a romance with two people. Can you really take 2 years of her sleeping with someone else? Sorry to be harsh, but it's the reality.

And given that she's been all over the place with her wants, what's the guarantee she'll leave in two years? You've spent a lot for time pining for this girl. It would be shame if you spent even more time on her just to have her change her mind, again.

I would be very wary of this situation. I know you care deeply for her. But you have to really take a step back and assess if this is going anywhere. No one here can tell you what her intentions are or if it will work out. I guess you just have to weigh the risks out.

[Kiyama]

I agree with what Dezface says.
I know you love her so let's say it works out in two years. What is in store for you?
Two painful years for you. Years of pain, insecurity and doubt. Two years that might drive you insane and leave you broken inside. But hey, you get through that. But what then? In my opinion, there will be scars on your relationship that might never heal. So much trust missing you can never rebuild. Is that really what you want?
And if she really loves you as deeply as you love her, is she really ready to send you through all that pain?
Please think about these things. Think hard.

[ringoparker]

Dezface

They sleep in different rooms and i don”t think they still sleep together. No romance there, however, he is trying. She told he was distracted all the time, now he is there. As i said, maybe he though something is happening or he did something and regrets it.

She can”t move because from what she told me, her business is the only one in the town where they live and that means no competition and she wants to pay him back all the money he spent on the rent when they all started.

The thing is that she told me to live my life, i mean, do what i need to do, but in two years, she is coming for me no mather what. But i can”t do that, because i love her, i love her no mather what.


Kiyama

You are absolutely right. The thing is that i can”t do much, because i want her and it looks like she really wants me. I have a good social life, i meet a lot of people, especially women, but since we are together, i wasen”t interested not even in one and i was happy with that, i was happy because i knew i want this to work.

[snow]

I'm sorry if I made you feel like I think she doesn't love you. That's not what I mean. I think she can very well be in love with you and she probably just married her husband because of the business and because she couldn't have you, but nonetheless her husband is a human being who loves her. Yes, they might not be sleeping in the same bed, yes, to her it might not be a real relationship with no love, but there is this other person whom she does care about a little bit and probably once loved.

I think she knows what she wants and she is taking all those risks because she really likes you, the only problem is.. there is really nothing that tells you she is going to leave him after two years OR that her husband will never find out and leave her. This is the tough part.

All you can really do is live your life and see if in two years, you still feel the same for her and want to be with her. If you keep involving yourself with her now there might come a point where you get too jealous over her husband and sadly there is nothing you can do about that - they are legally married and he MAY hold her hand, MAY kiss her and MAY sleep with her.