Can this work?

[ringoparker]

Good that is great to hear that you have your coping mechanisms. I don't think I would send her anything. I think she would probably just take it as an attempt to have some form of contact with her. The opposite of love is not hate, it is apathy. If it makes you feel better to have those goodbye messages then hang on to them and use them for yourself until you are ready to let it all go. I agree with you, she blew it.

The thing i am the type that doesn”t play silly games, if i have something to say, i say. Simple. I somehow want to have a closure from my point of view and tell her all i need to say before i go.

[Hollandia]

The thing i am the type that doesn”t play silly games, if i have something to say, i say. Simple. I somehow want to have a closure from my point of view and tell her all i need to say before i go.

If that is how you really feel, then it sounds like you mind up your mind. I suggest you do whatever you feel you need to do to move on. You know yourself better than anyone else.

[ringoparker]

If that is how you really feel, then it sounds like you mind up your mind. I suggest you do whatever you feel you need to do to move on. You know yourself better than anyone else.

I am just afraid if i do that, i will show her how much pain i feel, instead of moving on.

[Hollandia]

I am just afraid if i do that, i will show her how much pain i feel, instead of moving on.

It seems to me that the real question is, which is more important to you? How you think she feels or how you feel? If you don't care how she feels then do what you need to heal, or you do care how she feels then don't let her hurt YOU anymore. If you open up any forms of communication again you are opening up the possibility of getting hurt more. Are you sure there is no part deep down inside of you that wants to do this because you think it would get a response from her that would give you another chance? You should dig deep to understand all your reasons why you wish to send her those messages. If she is an uncaring person, she won't care.

[ringoparker]

Deep down i want all to be as i dreamt as we planned, yes and somehow i hope it will be alright. This is the optimism.

The realism in me wants to get up and move on because she will never make me happy. And this is what i have to do, no mather what.

[Hollandia]

Deep down i want all to be as i dreamt as we planned, yes and somehow i hope it will be alright. This is the optimism.
The realism in me wants to get up and move on because she will never make me happy. And this is what i have to do, no mather what.

You have an internal battle going on. You call it optimism, but if you know she is married and working on her marriage then you are not being optimistic you are fantasizing. If you wish to do so anyway then just be prepared for the more realistic thing to happen out of it, which is nothing. Try not to allow yourself to get anymore heartbroken than already done.


I do have a red flag about part of her story to you. I was married before and ended it...... I never slept on the couch. The day we took off our rings and agreed to separate he slept on the couch. You really think he is sleeping in the bed and making her sleep on the couch? If he was trying to win her back , like my ex was, he would not make her sleep on the couch. He would sleep on it and give her her space and time that she most likely asked for. I also have a problem with her planning to come meet you and yet still end up bringing her husband. Me and the ex never took trips together after we separated either and we still have a business together. Even if they were separated and flying together then why could she not see you? Unless she was actively sneaking around, there is no reason.

I really think some of these things sound like she was just having a fling and her parents are told to keep mum and they love her enough to do it. At any rate I think perhaps you should take her off the pedestal she still sits on in your mind and look back over some of the details that happened and try to imagine it from the viewpoint she was with the husband all along and just bored and really enjoying the role playing of her secret lover. Look, I could be off the mark here but there are some major warning signs that you might have pushed aside because you loved her so. Only you know this for sure, and whatever it takes to move forward you should do for you, I can only give advice from my experiences and perspective. If talking about it and delving into it helps you decide which route to go, then it is a positive thing.

[ringoparker]

You have an internal battle going on. You call it optimism, but if you know she is married and working on her marriage then you are not being optimistic you are fantasizing. If you wish to do so anyway then just be prepared for the more realistic thing to happen out of it, which is nothing. Try not to allow yourself to get anymore heartbroken than already done.


I do have a red flag about part of her story to you. I was married before and ended it...... I never slept on the couch. The day we took off our rings and agreed to separate he slept on the couch. You really think he is sleeping in the bed and making her sleep on the couch? If he was trying to win her back , like my ex was, he would not make her sleep on the couch. He would sleep on it and give her her space and time that she most likely asked for. I also have a problem with her planning to come meet you and yet still end up bringing her husband. Me and the ex never took trips together after we separated either and we still have a business together. Even if they were separated and flying together then why could she not see you? Unless she was actively sneaking around, there is no reason.

I really think some of these things sound like she was just having a fling and her parents are told to keep mum and they love her enough to do it. At any rate I think perhaps you should take her off the pedestal she still sits on in your mind and look back over some of the details that happened and try to imagine it from the viewpoint she was with the husband all along and just bored and really enjoying the role playing of her secret lover. Look, I could be off the mark here but there are some major warning signs that you might have pushed aside because you loved her so. Only you know this for sure, and whatever it takes to move forward you should do for you, I can only give advice from my experiences and perspective. If talking about it and delving into it helps you decide which route to go, then it is a positive thing.

You are absolutely spot on.

But love does that, love makes you blind, love keeps you in the dark. This type of love i mean. I knew what i was getting into with her, but still i decided to try. Yes, there is a battle, but a battle where i won”t back down, no mather what. I can”t and won”t because of my ego and pride. She took advantage of my love, i know that now and i will pull this through

Yes, i am afraid and i will be afraid, but i know myself and i can”t do it.

The only optimistic part in this is that beside that mask of hers, beside that, i know she had feelings. She couldn”t fake those day, that is impossible. All of it. Those 4 days she was genuine happy.

But love isn”t enough, not in this case and i tend to prove that to myself.

[Hollandia]

You are absolutely spot on.

But love does that, love makes you blind, love keeps you in the dark. This type of love i mean. I knew what i was getting into with her, but still i decided to try. Yes, there is a battle, but a battle where i won”t back down, no mather what. I can”t and won”t because of my ego and pride. She took advantage of my love, i know that now and i will pull this through

Yes, i am afraid and i will be afraid, but i know myself and i can”t do it.

The only optimistic part in this is that beside that mask of hers, beside that, i know she had feelings. She couldn”t fake those day, that is impossible. All of it. Those 4 days she was genuine happy.

But love isn”t enough, not in this case and i tend to prove that to myself.

If you have made up your mind and you know which direction to go in, then I am happy that you reached that point. I hope that it turns out to be the best route for you to take and please keep us updated if you feel it helpful. Also know that this community is more than happy to keep it's member's around even after they leave their LDRs. We have plenty of long time members that are no longer in an LDR and still happy here. You will find support here, for whatever level you require it or just a virtual shoulder to cry on or a ear to vent to. We can be silly and deep and wistful romantics but we are always here for each other.

[ringoparker]

If you have made up your mind and you know which direction to go in, then I am happy that you reached that point. I hope that it turns out to be the best route for you to take and please keep us updated if you feel it helpful. Also know that this community is more than happy to keep it's member's around even after they leave their LDRs. We have plenty of long time members that are no longer in an LDR and still happy here. You will find support here, for whatever level you require it or just a virtual shoulder to cry on or a ear to vent to. We can be silly and deep and wistful romantics but we are always here for each other.

Thank you, i will do that. Just talking here made me a lot more relaxed than usual. It”s hard, but weird enough, i have a good feeling about this. So far today, after half a day, i was very ok.

[ringoparker]

So a little update

Just a thew minutes ago i realised that it has passed a month since that moment. She didn”t contact me and neither did i. I stood my ground and didn”t write her, even if i wanted to so much in the first week. I didn”t block her or delete her from my friends list, i decided to go the other way and face my demons, face her in this case. Heal by using her as a motivation. I brought some tickets for London, Manchester, then Viena în february and Paris in march, so i will have fun.

The last month was good, i worked out very much at the gym and at my job, i was very active in this time and tried really hard to be better, stronger, faster, wiser by using what she did to me. I am good, however, for a thew minutes per day, maybe 2 or 3, i remember and it hurts like a mother ...

I did a mistake a week ago, met a woman and went to her place and we slept together. It was ok, but when i left i almost cried my ass off. I wasen”t ready for that yet, i moved to fast.

I had a really good landmark a couple of weeks ago, some of my works went viral in my country and had an inteview with a really important blog. After all the fuss ended, i asked the ones who run the blog how their ratings went and i asked about her IP adress if it checked the article and she did, she was the front runner IP adress with 75 clicks in a day. Made my ego boost, but made me sad later for obvious reasons.

I am sad, the sadness i really huge, but the pain and depression isn”t how it used to be. In two weeks top it will be her b-day, should i say just a simple: happy b-day and nothing else, ignore even if she will say anything? I am still in doubt.