Trusting it will last

[Xandra92]

How do you keep trusting that your relationship will last through the distance? My SO is abroad for a year. From the minute he decided he was leaving, he has done nothing to make me think he's not coming back. In fact, he's done the opposite. He left money to help cover expenses, covered the apartment in post-its telling me he loves me, and still insists that he will be back after the year. But part of me is doubtful. I know that has nothing to do with him. He tells me he misses me every day, tells me about the people he's meeting, and then tells me he can't wait to see me again. I know he means it. But I still can't shake the doubt. I fear that he will either a) meet someone else over there who wants to stay abroad or b) just flat out fall in love with the culture and decide he doesn't want to come back. I'm also afraid that he will just grow sick of me and decide he'd rather have the single life. How do I get past this? He's said and done everything to assure me of his feelings, but I still can't shake the doubt. There's always this underlying feeling of uncertainty and impending doom.

I never had these doubts when he was here, but our lives were always on a path. I knew, more or less, where we were headed. I never anticipated this. I never saw him doing something like this. Now, it's hard to look past the uncertainty.

Any suggestions?

[rache82]

It's hard when your mind gets stuck on something and doesn't let go; I'm speaking from personal experience here.
However, you said it, he's not giving you any reason to believe the above, it's in your mind. Relationships are based on trust, so you just have to trust him until he gives you a reason not too.

[sasad]

And it's possible someone will be hit by a bus.. but do you worry about that all the time???
Figure out why you are trying to break this off and push him away. Because that is what you are doing. HE says he loves you, left notes, calls and communicates with you.. and gives you absolutely no reason to doubt, But you do.

I think perhaps you need to find a new hobby or something as well to keep your head out of the. Dark side...

[Honour]

Worrying too much will drive you to your wit's end. You have to stop.

[Rezie]

The thing is that all of that is possible. It's also possible you will find someone else or want to be single. Thing abut trust is that it can't be done by a decision. You have to accept the uncertainty and try to work past thinking about it since you have not been given a reason to believe that he is not trustworthy. Try to live your own life and not worry.

[Hersheybar]

Positive Affermations work. You keep telling yourself negitive affermations and you drive yourself nuts. Communication is the key

[erwin1973]

Why would you be afraid for all this? He calls you every day, he does his best to show you're verything to him.
And in fact, everything you're afraid of (except the culture) can happen in a CDR too...
If you trusted him then, there is no reason to distrust him now.
Get yourself together and enjoy the moments you have. They should be great, not worrying.

[snow]

This is insecurity speaking, nothing more, nothing less.
We all worry sometimes that we're not good enough, but if they chose you, there is a reason behind it. If someone is putting a lot of time and effort to make sure you are in their lives and are involved, then you have to stop worrying.

When my husband and I first started dating, I was worried he would find someone better, find someone closer, find someone with more time etc. etc. Now, I work from 8-5, am not home until 6 or 7 while he is home from noon on and I know that I don't have to worry about anything. I know he loves me and won't cheat on me.

Things might be different in the end than you planned, but he obviously loves you and wants to be with you. Whether he comes back or falls in love with the culture is something you will figure out when the time is right, you will cross that bridge when you come to it. Thinking about it now is only going to make you miserable and will hinder you in enjoying the (most likely limited) time that you have with your SO at the moment.

[VirtualCouple]

If you have the feeling of losing him, in my opinion (as a guy), you can send him some naughty pictures or something like that. I can tell you from my experience that it got me not looking at other girls as a possible future girlfriend. And from there we took advantage of the technologies from today and had some great nights over skype.

It might work for you too, i hope!

[Hersheybar]

If you have the feeling of losing him, in my opinion (as a guy), you can send him some naughty pictures or something like that. I can tell you from my experience that it got me not looking at other girls as a possible future girlfriend. And from there we took advantage of the technologies from today and had some great nights over skype.

It might work for you too, i hope!

Not sure how anyone can do LDR abroad I am 1800 miles and that seems way too far

[R&R]

Not sure how anyone can do LDR abroad I am 1800 miles and that seems way too far

My SO is in the US, same as me, but 1,000 miles away. There are people here in relationships in different countries that see each other more frequently than me and my SO do. It's all about how much you want to make it work.

[Moon]

Not sure how anyone can do LDR abroad I am 1800 miles and that seems way too far

If the relationship is worth it, you just do it. It can have some good advantages. especially when you can afford a few trips a year and like to travel. It might not be ideal, but it's certainly OK.

[Rezie]

Not sure how anyone can do LDR abroad I am 1800 miles and that seems way too far

Well Paris and Brussels is international and still 120 miles apart. LA to NYC distance covers the majority of Europe. You don't have to understand it. There are different set of issues when language, culture, visas etc. Come to play but in this day and age when people travel you meet people all over the world and sometimes fall in love. A lot of people don't understand LDR in general. It is often about the location. Sometimes it is easier to meet more often if you live in major cities like London and New York City where they have flights several times a day compared to living closer together in small towns and you would have to take several different busses and travel would take a long time.

[Taki]

Not sure how anyone can do LDR abroad I am 1800 miles and that seems way too far

Sigh. My BF and I are 9700 miles and 11.5 hours apart. It's tough.

[erwin1973]

If you have the feeling of losing him, in my opinion (as a guy), you can send him some naughty pictures or something like that. I can tell you from my experience that it got me not looking at other girls as a possible future girlfriend. And from there we took advantage of the technologies from today and had some great nights over skype.

It might work for you too, i hope!

Sorry, but I, as man, do not agree. It's not the nudes that do the trick. It's the trust and attention that does it. If there is love and trust, there is no need to look around you, no matter how far you're apart from each other. No nude pic can change that. IMHO.