Trend for younger engagement?

[floridaellen]

Now just as a disclaimer: I do not want to be engaged right now. My SO and I are not ready for that. We're 18 and 19 years old (respectively), not that age particularly matters, but we're not at the relationship maturity level required for engagement yet.

I feel like it's engagement season or something! So many of my friends have gotten engaged recently.

1. My friend, who's 18, just got engaged to her US Marine fiance, who's 20. They've been together for two years. They will be getting married at the courthouse before he deploys in September.
2. My friend, who's 19, just got engaged to her fiance, who's 17. He proposed after she'd been back with him for three months.
3. My friend, who's 18, just got engaged to her fiance, who's 20. They've been together for three years.
4. My friend, who's 18, got engaged to her fiance in July. They have since broken up and she has a new boyfriend.
5. My friend, who's 18, thinks her boyfriend, who's 21, is going to propose very shortly even though they've only been together for about two months.... Apparently he's looking at rings and such.

Is this just a trend where I live? Is this normal?

It's just odd to me since I keep hearing how the average bride is getting older but I would tend to disagree!

--- I'm not knocking younger engagement... my parents got engaged at 19. I think it's really about maturity. ---

[kittyo9]

I don't think it's really a trend... But also, getting engaged that early on can be really dangerous because neither partner is generally established in life at that point, so I like to think that people think these things through, but they don't. I think you're just in a particularly concentrated patch of early engagers. xD Do your friends know each other? It's not uncommon for one couple to set off a chain reaction of other couples getting engaged. I just worry because I do know a couple who were married at 18 and divorced by 21. That's something you don't usually want on your record.

[floridaellen]

I don't think it's really a trend... But also, getting engaged that early on can be really dangerous because neither partner is generally established in life at that point, so I like to think that people think these things through, but they don't. I think you're just in a particularly concentrated patch of early engagers. xD Do your friends know each other? It's not uncommon for one couple to set off a chain reaction of other couples getting engaged. I just worry because I do know a couple who were married at 18 and divorced by 21. That's something you don't usually want on your record.

Three know each other; the other two do not. So the chain reaction thing makes sense actually!

I fully support my friend and her Marine fiance of course. It makes perfect sense for them to get married before he deploys.

The other four.... I'm not so sure.

[elizabethjp2010]

july and december are engagement seasons. i had 12 friends get engaged last year. but the winter and the summer are both big engagement times!

[lucybelle]

I knew two couples with the "chain reaction" engagement. I could tell when the first got engaged, the second was EXTREMELY envious, and then got engaged like 2 months later.

I also know tons of people who got engaged or pregnant at really young ages. I think I'll get some comments about this, but I think young kids (16-20) are sort of always getting engaged and having kids. They feel so grown up and yet are still immature enough to have to prove being grown up by getting married or having kids. I know when I was with my boyfriend at 18 I wanted a baby and to get married. Just to prove I could. Thankfully, I outgrew that and am now perhaps reaching a mature enough level to finally think seriously about commitments. But 18 year olds just have to prove to the world that they can do whatever the hell they want.

[floridaellen]

That July and December thing makes sense. Thanks for that imput :]

I knew two couples with the "chain reaction" engagement. I could tell when the first got engaged, the second was EXTREMELY envious, and then got engaged like 2 months later.

I also know tons of people who got engaged or pregnant at really young ages. I think I'll get some comments about this, but I think young kids (16-20) are sort of always getting engaged and having kids. They feel so grown up and yet are still immature enough to have to prove being grown up by getting married or having kids. I know when I was with my boyfriend at 18 I wanted a baby and to get married. Just to prove I could. Thankfully, I outgrew that and am now perhaps reaching a mature enough level to finally think seriously about commitments. But 18 year olds just have to prove to the world that they can do whatever the hell they want.

I agree with this. I do want to get married; it's definitely a life goal of mine. My SO and I do joke about it and talk about moving near each other for my graduate school and starting a future. But I don't get why these girls have to be engaged.

I would say that some relationships are mature enough to get married early.

[lucybelle]

I would say that some relationships are mature enough to get married early.

Honestly, I don't. I think some marriages that started in teens do last, of course they do, you said your parents were one of them. My mom's current husband's first marriage started at 19, and they were together for a long, long time.

But I don't think anyone is ready to be married that early. I mean the United States of America doesn't even think 19 year olds are mature enough to handle alcohol. And though I don't necessarily agree with the drinking age in the USA, I do think that everyone is super crazy during that age. You don't know it at the time. But you certainly realize it later. And that's what's so great about being a young adult. You're blissfully ignorant to how ignorant you really are. It's not a bad thing. Just not a good time to get hitched is all

[floridaellen]

Honestly, I don't. I think some marriages that started in teens do last, of course they do, you said your parents were one of them. My mom's current husband's first marriage started at 19, and they were together for a long, long time.

But I don't think anyone is ready to be married that early. I mean the United States of America doesn't even think 19 year olds are mature enough to handle alcohol. And though I don't necessarily agree with the drinking age in the USA, I do think that everyone is super crazy during that age. You don't know it at the time. But you certainly realize it later. And that's what's so great about being a young adult. You're blissfully ignorant to how ignorant you really are. It's not a bad thing. Just not a good time to get hitched is all

I think it really depends on the person and the situation. Plenty of teens are forced to mature - I'd definitely say I never had a full teenage life because I was the main caregiver for my severely handicapped brother because my parents worked. In fact, this summer I'm going to court to become the legal guardian of my brother in case my parents become disabled or die. I didn't party or do anything crazy. Frankly, I couldn't. I cared for him, worked two jobs at a time, and got a 4.4 gpa in high school.
Does that mean I'm ready to be married? Absolutely not. But it did force me to mature faster than my friends who are content with partying and doing stupid things.

My parents got together at 14, engaged at 19, married at 21, and have been together happily for 30 years. It worked for them but it definitely doesn't work for everyone.

[nicole]

I'm 21, and I know only one person who is engaged who is a little younger than me. And 1 who is now married as of last week. She has been with her now husband for 7 years and they just belong to each other I have noticed a lot of my American friends got engaged/married right out of college, whilst my English ones are all waiting, but I have put that down to how insane it is to get a house etc over here. Most want living together, then house, then engagement then marriage. But with house deposits starting at $40,000 upwards, they are stuck at the house part.

[Haley53]

Honestly, I don't. I think some marriages that started in teens do last, of course they do, you said your parents were one of them. My mom's current husband's first marriage started at 19, and they were together for a long, long time.

But I don't think anyone is ready to be married that early. I mean the United States of America doesn't even think 19 year olds are mature enough to handle alcohol. And though I don't necessarily agree with the drinking age in the USA, I do think that everyone is super crazy during that age. You don't know it at the time. But you certainly realize it later. And that's what's so great about being a young adult. You're blissfully ignorant to how ignorant you really are. It's not a bad thing. Just not a good time to get hitched is all

I almost feel like it's the adolescence of young adulthood. Though I didn't go through every stereotypical fit of adolescence, I certainly went through it and certainly had my moments; being forced to grow up during that time didn't cease some of the courses of natural development. It's almost embarrassing to think back on! Talking to old (older) friends, reading through diaries, or even finding old messages and conversation history... It's laughable, and I suppose I feel like young adults can typically act/be the same way, because now they're "legal" and "grown-up" and free to do the grown-up things, as you said, to prove how grown-up they are. :P

Personally, I disagree with young engagements. I'm not going to say they never work, same as I'm not going to say young couples never work, but I see a lot more people getting engaged and married earlier on and ending up unhappy later. As much as I love and am thrilled by the idea of engagement, I really don't want to be engaged until we've spent time together living with one another for an extended period of time, not simply a summer holiday. Even if I weren't in a LDR, I would want for the same thing: to be living together before we were engaged to see how we fit in that respect. And even then, I wouldn't want to think about marriage until I was through with grad school and had my feet securely under me. The way I see it is that if this is the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, then this is the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. There's nothing wrong with having a ring and wanting to flash it around, but I can wait a few years when that few years is the difference between being settled in my independent life, and when that few years is not that many compared to the rest of our young lives.

I actually feel it's better to wait until both people are more secure in their lives and in what they want to do. I mean I've watched people in university change majors, sometimes two or three times. There's a lot of growing and changing that happens within those four years! And though change is typically something you want to continue, I think that things start settling down a bit once you're out of grad school and start getting settled into your career. I think it's important for both people to know what they want in life for themselves, and be actually working at it (because everyone goes into university "knowing" what they want), before they can start working out what they want in life together. I don't think it's possible before then.

EDIT -- @floridaellen, I agree that some situations force people to mature faster, but that's mental development and it influences parts of you that aren't necessarily connected to your general development or to your emotional development. I was also forced to mature faster than most people my age, never had a "proper" teenage life, whereas my sister is currently the very definition of adolescence. However, adolescence still peeked its head out occasionally round the corner, and my emotions still had a lot of growing up to do, even if everything had to grow up faster; in fact, I'd say I'm a bit emotionally behind, because I was always forced to swallow what I felt in order to survive the situations I had to undergo. Not to mention that your brain hasn't even finished growing and developing until they're saying mid-20's, and that can't be forced to happen any slower or quicker than nature does 'er. So I don't think that the maturity you gain from being in a situation like yours is the only factor to consider when it comes to maturity.

[floridaellen]

EDIT -- @floridaellen, I agree that some situations force people to mature faster, but that's mental development and it influences parts of you that aren't necessarily connected to your general development or to your emotional development. I was also forced to mature faster than most people my age, never had a "proper" teenage life, whereas my sister is currently the very definition of adolescence. However, adolescence still peeked its head out occasionally round the corner, and my emotions still had a lot of growing up to do, even if everything had to grow up faster; in fact, I'd say I'm a bit emotionally behind, because I was always forced to swallow what I felt in order to survive the situations I had to undergo. Not to mention that your brain hasn't even finished growing and developing until they're saying mid-20's, and that can't be forced to happen any slower or quicker than nature does 'er. So I don't think that the maturity you gain from being in a situation like yours is the only factor to consider when it comes to maturity.

I agree completely. That's why I don't think I could get married this young - I'm still too emotional. My relationship is not at the appropriate level, nor am I. But I do think certain people are more mature than others due to certain situations and not everyone is a crazy teenager.

But anyway, the real direction for this topic was to discuss whether this is normal where other people live or is it just my area/group of friends, not me, so I'm done discussing my personal life/maturity level.

[dukes2011]

My SO and I know a lot of people who got engaged or moved in together after graduating college. I also know a fair amount of people back home who are engaged at 22 or younger. Although I want to get married in the future, I couldn't imagine being on my own purely because of money. I'm in grad school and don't have a steady job, so I couldn't put that pressure on my SO to be the only one bringing in money. A lot of our friends don't get that since in their cases only one of them has a decent paying job, but I've always been cautious that way. I couldn't take that risk because suppose the person making all the money were to lose their job?

I think money is one reason the average bride is older, but there are definitely areas where some are younger. Not to sound ignorant, but I think how much the area values education is a big indicator. I'm from an area where many people don't go to grad school, so it's pretty normal to be 20/21 to get engaged or married. Some people definitely do wait until they're older, but it's not as common where I'm from.

[floridaellen]

My SO and I know a lot of people who got engaged or moved in together after graduating college. I also know a fair amount of people back home who are engaged at 22 or younger. Although I want to get married in the future, I couldn't imagine being on my own purely because of money. I'm in grad school and don't have a steady job, so I couldn't put that pressure on my SO to be the only one bringing in money. A lot of our friends don't get that since in their cases only one of them has a decent paying job, but I've always been cautious that way. I couldn't take that risk because suppose the person making all the money were to lose their job?

I think money is one reason the average bride is older, but there are definitely areas where some are younger. Not to sound ignorant, but I think how much the area values education is a big indicator. I'm from an area where many people don't go to grad school, so it's pretty normal to be 20/21 to get engaged or married. Some people definitely do wait until they're older, but it's not as common where I'm from.

I would agree with the education factor. Most people where I live attend community college or do not attend college at all. I don't think that's a bad thing - to each their own - but it could be why the age is lower in this area.

[11MikesGirl21]

I know my SO, who was going to go military at one point and grew up military, that the lifestyle kind of encourages or pressures young marriage/engagement. So that could explain the Marine.

The others, it could just be engagement fever. It's hard to tell though. I personally don't find young engagement weird. I grew up old school Catholic, it's normal for me. And I can't really judge. I'm 20 (as of November) and have been unofficially engaged since last June.

[Riyko]

In the state i live in (Utah) it's very common to get married at 18 (mainly because of the Mormon church) so within 2 years of graduating high school all of my good friends and classmates were married and had kids and get this i'm 25 and still single. I think everyone gets married at different ages and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. My mom was 17 when my parents got married and 30 years later they are still together.